Let me tell you something real quick, marriage isn’t a fairy tale that just magically sustains itself. You know that honeymoon phase everyone talks about? Yeah, it fades. And honestly? That’s completely normal. But here’s the thing: just because the butterflies calm down doesn’t mean your marriage has to become boring.
I’ve spent years working with couples who thought they’d lost “it,” that spark, that connection, that thing that made them choose each other in the first place.
And you know what I discovered? Most of them hadn’t actually lost anything. They just stopped putting in the work. Marriage is like a garden, it needs consistent attention, or it’ll get overrun with weeds.
So, if you’re sitting there wondering why things feel a bit stale, or if you’re just looking to level up your relationship game, you’re in the right place. I’m about to share some seriously practical ways to keep your marriage fresh that actually work.
Not fluffy advice not outdated relationship rules, real strategies I’ve seen transform marriages from meh to magnificent.
14 Simple Ways To Keep Your Marriage Fresh
Look, I’m not going to promise you that these tips will make your marriage perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist. But these strategies? They’re the ones I share with clients in my therapy sessions, and they consistently deliver results. Ready to shake things up?
1. Send Random Love Texts
Remember when you first started dating and you’d send your partner those random texts just because you were thinking about them? What happened to that? I’ll tell you what happened, life got busy, habits changed, and suddenly texting became about grocery lists and who’s picking up the kids.
Here’s what I want you to do: send your spouse a love text today. Not tomorrow. Today. And I’m not talking about “Love you” with a heart emoji. Get specific. Tell them exactly what you appreciate about them.
Maybe it’s “I was just thinking about how you always make coffee for me in the morning, and it makes me feel so cared for.”
The neuroscience behind this is fascinating. When your partner receives an unexpected message of affection, their brain releases dopamine, the same chemical associated with reward and pleasure. You’re literally giving their brain a happiness boost. And the beautiful part? It takes you maybe 30 seconds.
One of my clients started doing this, and her husband told me it completely changed his workday. He said knowing she was thinking about him made him feel like he mattered, like he wasn’t just another task on her to- do list. That’s powerful stuff.
2. Surprise Each Other With Small Gifts
Ever notice how the best gifts aren’t always the expensive ones? I worked with a couple where the husband would randomly bring home a single wildflower he’d picked during his lunch walk. Cost? Zero dollars. Impact? His wife kept every single one pressed in a journal.
Thoughtful beats expensive every single time. The goal here isn’t to blow your budget, it’s to show your partner you’re thinking about them throughout your day. Maybe you spot their favorite candy bar at the checkout line. Grab it.
See an article about their hobby? Screenshot and send it. Pass by that coffee shop they love? Bring home their usual order.
What you’re really doing is creating what relationship experts call “positive sentiment override.” You’re building up a bank of good feelings that helps your relationship weather the inevitable storms. Think of it as relationship insurance, except way more fun and it involves chocolate 🙂
I had one client who started leaving sticky notes with compliments in random places, his wife’s car, her makeup bag, tucked into her planner. She told me she’d be having the worst day, then find one of those notes and suddenly everything felt manageable. That’s the magic of small, consistent gestures.
3. Plan Spontaneous Date Nights
I know, I know, “spontaneous” and “plan” seem contradictory. But hear me out. What I mean is: don’t wait for anniversaries or Valentine’s Day to do something special. Break the pattern on a random Tuesday.
Here’s what kills romance faster than almost anything: predictability. When your partner can predict your every move, the excitement dies. But when you shake things up? That’s when things get interesting.
Research from the State University of New York found that couples who regularly try new activities together report higher relationship satisfaction. Why? Because novelty activates the same brain systems that were firing when you first fell in love.
So what does this look like practically? Maybe you tell your spouse to be ready by 7 PM on Thursday, no other details. Then you take them somewhere totally unexpected.
Could be mini golf, could be a pottery class, could be that weird Ethiopian restaurant you’ve been curious about. The destination matters less than the element of surprise.
And honestly? You don’t even have to leave home. I’ve had couples create elaborate at-home experiences, transforming their living room into a movie theater, setting up a coffee tasting with YouTube tutorials, or cooking a meal from a cuisine they’ve never tried.
The internet has made it ridiculously easy to create unique experiences without spending a fortune. Check out sites like Cozymeal for virtual cooking classes or MasterClass for learning new skills together.
4. Laugh Together Daily
This one’s non-negotiable for me. If you can’t laugh with your partner, you’re missing one of the most powerful connection tools available. I’ve counseled couples through bankruptcy, infertility, job loss, and every type of
crisis you can imagine. Want to know what distinguished the couples who made it from those who didn’t? The ones who could still find humor in dark moments.
Laughter does something incredible to our bodies and relationships. It releases endorphins, reduces stress hormones like cortisol, and creates a sense of shared joy that’s hard to replicate any other way. When you laugh with someone, you’re basically telling your nervous system “this person is safe, this person brings me joy.”
But here’s what I see couples get wrong: they think laughter happens naturally. Sometimes it does. But often, you need to be intentional about it. Queue up that comedy special you both enjoy. Share funny videos.
Reminisce about embarrassing moments from your past. Create inside jokes. Make stupid puns at dinner.
One couple I worked with started a tradition where every evening, they’d each share the funniest or most absurd thing that happened during their day. It became this ritual they both looked forward to, and it kept them connected to each other’s daily lives in a lighthearted way.
FYI, this doesn’t mean you ignore serious issues or pretend problems don’t exist. It means you choose to find joy even when life gets heavy. Because it will get heavy. That’s guaranteed.
5. Hug Longer And More Often
Most couples hug like they’re late for something, quick squeeze, pat on the back, done. But research shows that hugs need to last at least 20 seconds to trigger the release of oxytocin, that bonding hormone that makes you feel connected and secure.
Twenty seconds is longer than you think. Try it right now, count to 20. Feels like forever, right? That’s because we’re not used to truly holding each other anymore. We’ve become so rushed, so distracted, that even our physical affection has become efficient.
I want you to try something. Tonight, when you see your partner, don’t just do your usual quick hug. Hold them. Really hold them. Notice their breathing. Feel their warmth. Let yourself actually be present in that moment instead of already thinking about what’s next.
One of my clients started doing this after her husband mentioned feeling disconnected from her. She’d come home from work stressed, give him a quick kiss, and immediately start talking about her day while unloading groceries, checking her phone, and thinking about dinner.
So they made a new rule: when either of them came home, they’d stop everything for a proper 30-second hug before doing anything else.
She told me it felt awkward at first, like, what do you even do during a 30-second hug? But after a week, it became their favorite part of the day. That brief moment of physical connection reset their entire evening.
6. Flirt Like You’re Still Dating
Let me ask you something: when was the last time you flirted with your spouse? And I mean really flirted, not just existing in the same space or having practical conversations about whose turn it is to do laundry.
Flirting is what keeps the sexual tension alive. It’s that playful energy that reminds you both that you’re not just roommates or co-parents, you’re lovers who chose each other. But so many couples stop flirting once they get comfortable. And comfortable, while nice, can slide right into boring if you’re not careful.
I had a client whose marriage was struggling. No major issues, just felt flat. During one session, I asked her husband when he last complimented his wife’s appearance. He looked confused and said, “Well, I think she’s beautiful. She knows that.” And I said, “When’s the last time you told her?” He couldn’t remember.
Your spouse can’t read your mind. They need to hear it. They need to see that you still desire them, still notice them, still think they’re attractive. Send suggestive texts. Whisper something cheeky when you pass them in the kitchen.
Buy yourself something sexy and make sure your partner knows you bought it specifically for them to enjoy.
One woman I worked with started leaving flirty notes in her husband’s lunch. Nothing elaborate, just little messages like “Can’t stop thinking about last night” or “You looked really good this morning.” He told me it made him feel like a teenager again, excited and wanted.
Apps like Between can be great for keeping flirty conversations private and fun, or you can go old-school with handwritten notes. Whatever works for your style.
7. Share Inside Jokes
Inside jokes are relationship gold. They’re like a secret language that only the two of you speak, a reminder that you share history, experiences, and humor that nobody else can access. They create an “us against the world” feeling that strengthens your bond.
Think about your favorite inside jokes with your partner. Maybe it’s a phrase from that disastrous camping trip, or a reference to something awkward that happened at a family dinner, or just a weird voice one of you does that cracks the other up. These moments matter more than you realize.
They’re markers of shared memory and intimacy. When you reference an inside joke, you’re saying “remember when we…” and that act of remembering together reinforces your connection. It’s why couples who have been together for decades can communicate entire conversations through knowing looks and brief phrases.
The beautiful thing? You can actively create these. Pay attention to funny moments. Repeat phrases that make you both laugh. Create silly traditions or rituals that are uniquely yours. I know couples who have entire vocabularies of made-up words that mean something only to them.
One couple I worked with had a running joke about a terrible restaurant they went to on their first date. For years, whenever things went wrong, bad traffic, stressful day, whatever, one of them would say “At least it’s not as bad as that restaurant” and they’d both crack up. That single shared reference gave them perspective and humor during tough times.
8. Try Something New Together
Routine is the enemy of excitement. When every day looks basically the same, when you can predict exactly what your evening will look like, your brain stops paying attention. Novelty, on the other hand, wakes everything up.
I’m not talking about skydiving or some extreme adventure (unless that’s your thing). I’m talking about breaking patterns. Take a different route on your walk. Try a cooking style you’ve never attempted.
Learn a dance from YouTube. Visit a part of your city you’ve never explored. Take up rock climbing, painting, photography, or anything that gets you both out of your comfort zone.
The research on this is pretty clear: couples who regularly experience new things together report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and passion. Why? Because your brain associates that rush of doing something new with your partner.
The dopamine released during novel experiences gets connected to your spouse, basically re- creating some of those early relationship feelings.
I worked with a couple who felt stuck in a rut. They did the same things every weekend, same restaurants, same shows, same routines. I challenged them to try something completely new once a month.
Their first choice? A beginner’s salsa class. They were terrible at it, kept stepping on each other’s feet, and laughed so hard they could barely continue. But you know what? They felt more connected after that one class than they had in months.
Check out Eventbrite or Meetup for local classes and events. You don’t have to be good at whatever you try, you just have to try it together.
9. Compliment Each Other Often
Here’s an uncomfortable truth: we often treat strangers better than we treat our spouses. You’d compliment a coworker’s new haircut without thinking twice, but when’s the last time you told your partner they looked good? We assume they know. We figure we don’t need to say it anymore. Wrong.
Everyone needs to hear that they’re appreciated, attractive, and valued, especially from the person whose opinion matters most.
Compliments don’t have to be elaborate. “You look great in that color.” “I really appreciate how hard you work for our family.” “You’re an amazing parent.” “That thing you did earlier was really thoughtful.” Simple, specific, and sincere beats generic flattery every time.
The key is specificity. “You’re great” is nice but forgettable. “The way you handled that situation with your mom today was so patient and kind, I really admire that about you” hits different. It shows you’re paying attention, that you see them, that you notice their efforts.
I had one client whose love language was words of affirmation, but her husband rarely complimented her. He genuinely thought she was incredible, he just didn’t verbalize it. I gave him homework: one genuine compliment daily for 30 days. Just one.
By the end of the month, he said it had become natural, and his wife said she felt more loved than she had in years.
10. Try Role Playing
Okay, I know some of you just cringed, but stay with me. Role-playing doesn’t have to be weird or uncomfortable, it’s really just play-acting, which is something humans naturally enjoy. It lets you explore different dynamics, scenarios, and personalities in a safe, fun environment.
Maybe you pretend you’re meeting at a bar for the first time, maybe you play out a fantasy scenario, maybe you just act like you’re on your first date again. The specifics matter less than the willingness to be playful and vulnerable with each other.
What role-playing really does is break you out of your typical patterns. When you’ve been together for years, you fall into roles, practical, parental, professional.
Role-playing gives you permission to be someone else for a while, to access parts of yourself that might have gotten buried under responsibility.
I’ve had couples tell me that trying role-play felt ridiculous at first. They couldn’t keep straight faces. But here’s the secret: the laughter is part of the bonding.
Being silly together, trying something different, laughing at yourselves, that’s all relationship-building stuff.
One couple I worked with started small. They’d pretend to be strangers and “pick each other up” at their own kitchen table. Sounds cheesy? Maybe. But it worked for them.
It reintroduced flirtation and spontaneity into their dynamic, and that energy carried over into other areas of their relationship.
Communication is crucial here, though. Talk about boundaries, what sounds fun, what sounds uncomfortable. This should add excitement, not pressure.
11. Cook Or Eat Meals Together
In our increasingly busy world, meals have become something we do while doing other things, scrolling our phones, watching TV, standing at the counter. But sharing a meal with full attention? That’s become almost revolutionary.
I challenge couples to have at least three completely distraction-free meals together per week. No phones, no TV, no kids (if possible, I know that’s hard). Just the two of you, food, and conversation. You’d be amazed what happens when you actually sit across from each other and talk.
Better yet, cook together. Cooking as a team requires communication, cooperation, and presence. You can’t chop vegetables while staring at your phone. You have to be there. And something about creating something together, even if it’s just dinner, feels collaborative and intimate.
I worked with a couple who started a Sunday tradition: they’d pick a recipe from a different cuisine each week and cook it together. Italian one week, Thai the next, then Ethiopian, Indian, Mexican.
They’d pour a drink, put on music, and spend a couple hours cooking and talking. They said those Sundays became their favorite time of the week.
If cooking isn’t your thing, the eating together part is still crucial. Research shows that couples who regularly share meals together report higher relationship satisfaction. It’s that dedicated, distraction-free time that matters.
Try apps like Yummly or Tasty for recipe inspiration, or take virtual cooking classes together on platforms like Sur La Table.
12. Dance In The Living Room
This one is my personal favorite, and honestly, it might sound silly until you try it. There’s something incredibly intimate and playful about spontaneous dancing with your partner. No audience, no pressure, just the two of you moving together.
It doesn’t matter if you’re not good dancers. Actually, being bad at it might make it more fun. Put on a song you both love, or better yet, a song from when you first got together, and just move. Hold each other. Sway.
Laugh. Let go of self-consciousness and just be present.
Dancing is physical intimacy without pressure. It’s playful. It’s romantic. And it’s one of those things that can shift the entire energy of your evening. You could be in the middle of a mundane Wednesday, dishes piling up, stress from work weighing on you both, and then someone puts on a song and extends their hand, suddenly everything changes.
I had a couple who made this their daily practice. Every evening after dinner, they’d dance to one song before dealing with cleanup or other responsibilities.
Just one song, maybe three or four minutes. They said it became this sacred little ritual that marked the transition from work mode to being together mode.
The physical touch, the eye contact, the movement, it all combines to create connection. Plus, it’s fun. Marriage should be fun, not just functional.
13. Take Weekend Getaways
Sometimes you need to physically remove yourselves from your regular environment to reconnect. When you’re home, there’s always something to do, laundry, dishes, emails, that project you’ve been putting off. Getting away forces you to focus on each other.
And I’m not talking about elaborate vacations that require months of planning and saving (though those are great too). I mean spontaneous weekend trips.
Drive two hours to a bed and breakfast. Book a hotel in your own city and pretend you’re tourists. Camp somewhere nearby. Visit a town you’ve always been curious about.
The change of scenery does something to your brain. You’re not in parent mode or work mode, you’re in couple mode. You get to remember who you are outside of all your roles and responsibilities. You get to have conversations that go deeper than logistics and schedules.
I encourage couples to make this a regular thing, not something that only happens once a year.
Even quarterly weekend getaways can make a massive difference in relationship satisfaction. They give you something to look forward to, create shared memories, and provide that reset button relationships sometimes need.
Use sites like Airbnb for unique stays, Groupon for deals, or RoverPass if camping is your thing. And honestly, if you can’t afford to go anywhere or can’t get childcare, create a staycation, turn off your phones, ignore chores, and dedicate the weekend to each other.
14. Kiss Every Day, On Purpose
Quick question: when was the last time you really kissed your spouse? Not a peck on the cheek as you rush out the door, but an actual, intentional, lingering kiss? IMO, this is one of the most overlooked aspects of keeping a marriage fresh.
Kissing releases oxytocin, lowers cortisol, and creates a sense of bonding and intimacy. But somewhere along the way, many couples stop really kissing. It becomes perfunctory, a greeting or goodbye habit without much thought or feeling behind it.
I want you to start treating kissing like it matters, because it does. Kiss your partner every morning. Kiss them goodnight. But also, kiss them during the day for no reason at all.
Walk up behind them while they’re doing dishes and kiss their neck. Pull them close during a conversation and kiss them deeply.
One couple I worked with was struggling with feeling disconnected. I gave them an assignment: kiss for at least 10 seconds every morning and night. They thought it sounded simple, maybe even silly. But they committed to it.
Within two weeks, they reported feeling more connected, more affectionate, and more attracted to each other. Such a small change, such a big impact.
The key is intention. You’re not kissing because you have to or because it’s polite. You’re kissing because you want to, because you’re choosing that person, because you want them to feel desired and loved.
Final Thoughts
Here’s the truth: your marriage stays fresh only if you work to keep it that way. The spark won’t survive decades of stress, kids, and chaos on its own.
The good news? It doesn’t take grand gestures just consistency in small things. A kind text. A real hug. A genuine compliment. Simple actions, done often, make the difference.
The couples who thrive are the ones who stay present and intentional. They don’t let their marriage become an afterthought.
Your relationship deserves your best, not your leftovers. Prioritize each other. Keep dating, laughing, and trying. A fresh marriage doesn’t happen by accident happens by choice.
Now stop reading and text your spouse something sweet. That’s how it starts, one small, intentional moment at a time.
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