Remember when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other?
When staying up until 3 a.m. talking felt more exciting than sleeping?
When just seeing their name pop up on your phone made your heart race?
Yeah… I’m guessing things feel a little different now.
Somewhere between bills, busy schedules, and arguing about whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher, that spark might have faded a bit.
After almost twenty years of helping couples.
I’ve seen it all, relationships that went from passionate to distant, and others that found their way back to real connection and love again.
Here’s the truth: keeping the spark alive doesn’t take grand gestures or expensive trips (though those can be nice).
It’s about the small, everyday moments that quietly say, “I still choose you.”
Think of your marriage like a fire you can’t just light it once and expect it to keep burning. You have to keep adding wood to keep it warm and alive.
Ready to learn the 14 ways to keep the spark alive in your marriage that actually work? Let’s get into it!
14 Ways To Keep The Spark Alive In Your Marriage
Before we start, let me be clear: these strategies require effort.
Anyone who tells you marriage should always be effortless is either lying or hasn’t been married long.
But here’s the good news, the effort becomes easier when you see the results, and the results are absolutely worth it.
Let’s talk about how to keep that fire burning.
1. Prioritize Regular Date Nights
I know, I know, you’ve heard this advice a million times. Just a heads up, there’s a reason every relationship expert keeps coming back to this advice. It truly works.
Date nights aren’t some extra treat you save for special occasions.
They’re the heart of keeping your connection alive, the quiet maintenance that keeps love strong even in the middle of busy days.
When was the last time the two of you went out, or stayed in, and gave each other your full attention?
No talk about bills, kids, or family plans. Just the two of you, laughing, listening, and remembering what it feels like to really see each other again.
Why date nights matter:
- Breaks the routine that kills romance
- Creates new memories together
- Reminds you why you fell in love
- Forces focus on each other without distractions
- Brings back the excitement of dating
The key is consistency. Once a month isn’t enough, aim for weekly or at least bi-weekly. And “date night” doesn’t have to mean expensive dinners out.
It can be takeout after the kids go to bed, a walk around your neighborhood, or cooking together while actually talking.
I worked with one couple who swore they didn’t have time for dates.
We carved out two hours every Saturday evening.
Six months later, they felt like newlyweds again. Same people, same life circumstances, they just prioritized their connection.
Find creative date ideas on The Dating Divas or plan unique experiences through Crated with Love.
2. Surprise Each Other With Small, Thoughtful Gestures
Romance dies when we stop making effort, and effort doesn’t have to mean spending money or planning elaborate surprises.
Sometimes the smallest gestures have the biggest impact.
Small surprise ideas:
- Their favorite candy picked up on your way home
- Coffee brought to them in bed
- Love notes hidden where they’ll find them
- Taking over their chore without being asked
- Spontaneous back rub while they’re working
- Favorite meal cooked on a random Tuesday
- Flowers brought home for no reason
- Sweet text in the middle of their workday
The magic isn’t in the gesture itself, it’s in showing that you were thinking about them during your busy day.
It says, “You matter enough for me to pause my life and do something just to make you smile.”
I had one client whose marriage felt dead. Her husband started leaving sticky notes with reasons he loved her around the house.
Just sticky notes. She teared up telling me about it because nobody had made her feel special in years.
3. Communicate Openly And Honestly About Your Feelings
You can’t keep the spark alive if you’re not actually talking to each other.
And I don’t mean surface level “How was your day?” conversations.
I mean real, vulnerable, “here’s what’s in my heart” communication.
What to discuss:
- Your feelings (even the uncomfortable ones)
- Your needs (before they become resentments)
- Your desires (yes, including s#xual ones)
- Your fears and insecurities
- Your dreams for the future together
Here’s something I see constantly: one partner feels disconnected but never says anything, expecting the other person to just know.
Then they’re shocked when their spouse has no idea there’s a problem.
Use your words. “I feel like we’re drifting apart and I miss feeling close to you”
This way is more effective than silently resenting them while they remain clueless.
Improve communication with apps like Lasting for daily conversations or Paired for deeper questions.
4. Try New Activities Or Hobbies Together
Novelty creates bonding. When you try new things together, your brain releases dopamine and creates positive associations with your partner.
It’s literally chemistry. Plus, routines kill excitement.
When every day looks exactly the same, life (and marriage) feels stale. Inject some adventure and watch what happens to your connection.
Activities to try:
- Cooking classes (even online ones)
- Dance lessons (salsa, anyone?)
- Rock climbing or new sports
- Pottery or art classes
- Hiking new trails together
- Learning a language side by side
- DIY projects for your home
- Volunteering for causes you care about
The activity matters less than the shared experience of doing something new together.
You’re creating fresh memories and seeing new sides of each other.
I worked with one couple stuck in a serious rut. They started taking cooking classes together every month.
The playfulness of learning together, laughing at mistakes, and creating something as a team transformed their entire dynamic.
5. Keep Up Physical Affection, Like Holding Hands And Hugging
Touch is how humans’ bond. When physical affection stops, emotional distance follows close behind.
And I’m not just talking about s#x (though we’ll get to that). Non-s#xual touch includes:
- Holding hands while watching TV or walking
- Real hugs (not those side-hug things)
- Kissing hello and goodbye (actually kiss, don’t just peck)
- Cuddling on the couch
- Back rubs or shoulder massages
- Playing with hair while talking
- Quick touches passing in the kitchen
Physical touch releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. It literally makes you feel closer to your partner.
Studies show couples who touch regularly report higher relationship satisfaction.
This is one of the easiest ways to maintain connection, yet it’s often the first thing to go.
Make a conscious effort to touch your spouse multiple times daily, even just brief moments of physical connection.
6. Compliment Each Other Often
When’s the last time you genuinely complimented your spouse?
Not a distracted “you look nice,” but a real, specific compliment that shows you actually notice them?
We get so comfortable in marriage that we stop saying the things we’re thinking.
You notice he looks good in that shirt? Say it.
You appreciate how she handled that tough situation? Tell her.
Compliments to give:
- Appearance (“You look incredible today”)
- Character (“I love how patient you are”)
- Efforts (“Thank you for always…”)
- Abilities (“You’re so good at…”)
- Impact (“You make me a better person”)
Compliments boost confidence, create positive associations, and remind your partner that you see them.
They’re free, take two seconds, and have massive impact.
I had one husband who started complimenting his wife daily. She went from feeling invisible to feeling like the most beautiful woman in the world.
Their entire marriage shifted from that one small habit.
7. Plan Occasional Getaways, Even If Just For A Weekend
Sometimes you need to physically remove yourself from your daily environment to reconnect.
Home has too many distractions, responsibilities, and reminders of all the non-romantic parts of life.
Getaway ideas:
- Weekend trips to nearby cities
- Staycations at local hotels
- Cabin rentals in nature
- Beach weekends for relaxation
- Road trips to explore new places
- Bed and breakfasts for romance
- Camping trips for adventure
The agenda should be simple: focus on each other, enjoy good food, have great s#x, sleep well, repeat.
No work emails, no household chores, no kids (if possible), just you two reconnecting.
Even once or twice a year makes a huge difference.
These getaways create concentrated time for intimacy without the constant interruptions of normal life.
Find unique stays on Airbnb or discover romantic getaways on Booking.com.
8. Share Your Goals And Dreams With Each Other
Your partner should know what you’re working toward and dreaming about.
When you share goals and support each other’s dreams, you become teammates instead of roommates.
Things to discuss:
- Career aspirations and next steps
- Personal growth goals you’re pursuing
- Travel bucket list items
- Financial targets you’re working toward
- Skills you want to learn
- Ways you want to grow as a person
Supporting each other’s goals shows you’re invested in their happiness, not just your own.
It creates partnership and keeps you moving forward together instead of in different directions.
I’ve seen marriages where one person’s dreams were constantly dismissed.
The resentment that builds from that never fully goes away.
Don’t be the person who kills your spouse’s aspirations.
9. Make Time For Deep, Meaningful Conversations
Surface-level small talk won’t keep your spark alive. You need regular deep conversations that go beyond logistics and daily updates.
Topics for deep talks:
- Your feelings about life and relationship
- Your fears and vulnerabilities
- Your hopes for the future
- Your childhood and how it shaped you
- Your values and why they matter
- Your dreams that scare you
- Your gratitude for each other
Set aside phone-free time for these conversations.
I recommend at least one deep conversation per week where you really connect emotionally, not just exchange information.
These talks create emotional intimacy, which is the foundation for everything else.
When you feel emotionally connected, physical attraction and romantic feelings naturally follow.
Use conversation prompts from TableTopics or The And card game for deeper discussions.
10. Reminisce About Your Favorite Memories Together
Nostalgia is a powerful tool for rekindling feelings. When you reflect on happy memories, you reconnect with the emotions you felt during those moments.
Ways to reminisce:
- Look through old photos together
- Watch your wedding video
- Revisit the place of your first date
- Talk about your favorite trips
- Remember funny moments that made you laugh
- Discuss why you fell in love initially
This isn’t about living in the past, it’s about reminding yourself why you chose this person and what you’ve built together.
It helps you see your partner with fresh eyes instead of through the lens of daily frustrations.
I recommend making this a regular practice.
Once a month, spend an evening reminiscing and reconnecting with your relationship’s foundation.
11. Be Spontaneous And Break Out Of Your Routine Occasionally
Routines are comfortable but they’re also passion killers.
When everything becomes predictable, excitement flatlines. Your brain literally stops paying attention.
Ways to be spontaneous:
- Surprise date nights with no planning
- Weekend road trips decided on Friday
- Try new restaurants randomly
- Change your usual activities up
- Spontaneous intimacy at unexpected times
- Break normal patterns just because
- Do something wild together
You don’t have to be spontaneous all the time (that would be exhausting).
But occasional surprises and pattern breaks keep your marriage dynamic and exciting 🙂
One couple I worked with was stuck in such a rigid routine that they’d forgotten how to have fun.
We worked on one spontaneous act per month.
The playfulness and excitement it brought back was remarkable.
12. Show Appreciation For The Little Things Your Partner Does
Gratitude is relationship magic. When you regularly express appreciation for what your partner does, you both start focusing on the positive instead of dwelling on negatives.
Things to appreciate:
- Daily tasks they handle
- Efforts they make for the family
- Sacrifices they do for you
- Qualities they have that benefit everyone
- Support they provide emotionally
- Ways they show love
Make this specific. “Thank you for always making coffee in the morning” hits different than “thanks for helping.”
Specific appreciation shows you actually notice, not just offering generic praise.
I recommend expressing gratitude daily.
Find one thing each day to genuinely thank your spouse for and watch how quickly it transforms your perspective and your marriage.
Build daily gratitude with Gratitude or Presently for tracking appreciation.
13. Keep A Sense Of Humor And Laugh Together
Couples who laugh together last longer. Humor lightens the mood, reduces stress, and creates positive associations with your partner.
Ways to laugh together:
- Watch comedies regularly
- Share funny memes throughout the day
- Tell jokes (even bad ones)
- Be playful and silly sometimes
- Laugh at yourselves when things go wrong
- Have inside jokes only you two get
- Find humor in daily life
Laughter releases endorphins, strengthens bonds, and makes even difficult times more manageable.
When you can laugh together during tough moments, it helps you maintain perspective.
I’ve noticed that couples in my office who can still make each other laugh, even while discussing serious problems, tend to resolve issues faster and more effectively.
14. Maintain A Strong Sense Of Trust And Loyalty
Without trust, nothing else on this list matters. Trust is the foundation that allows all other aspects of your relationship to flourish.
Building trust means:
- Being reliable and keeping promises
- Being honest even when it’s hard
- Being faithful in thought and action
- Being transparent about your life
- Being consistent in your behavior
- Being there when they need you
Trust isn’t just about not cheating, it’s about being someone your spouse can depend on completely.
It’s about showing up, following through, and proving through actions that you’re committed.
When trust is solid, everything else becomes easier. Communication flows better. Intimacy deepens.
Conflicts resolve faster. The spark stays alive because you feel safe being vulnerable with each other.
The Reality of Keeping Spark Alive
Let me be real with you: some days you won’t feel like doing any of this.
Some days you’ll be tired, stressed, annoyed, or just not in the mood to make effort.
That’s when you do it anyway. Not because you feel like it, but because you’re committed to your marriage.
The feelings often follow the actions, not the other way around.
Also understand that the spark will naturally fluctuate. Some seasons of marriage feel intensely romantic.
Others feel like you’re just surviving together. Both are normal.
The goal isn’t constant fireworks but it’s maintaining consistent connection.
Final Thoughts
Keeping the spark alive isn’t about grand gestures or chasing perfection.
It’s about the quiet, loving moments you share every day. The laughter, the gentle touch, the small acts of care they’re what keep love alive.
Real love grows in the simple choice to keep showing up for each other, even when life feels ordinary.
So, start today. Smile at your partner, hold their hand, and do something that reminds you both how it all began.
The spark isn’t lost; it just needs a little warmth to shine again.
Now stop reading and go do something that makes your spouse feel loved. They’re waiting for you to choose them again.
