Nobody warned you that the person you couldn’t keep your hands off would suddenly become just “the other parent,” did they?

One minute you’re sneaking kisses in the kitchen, and the next you’re high fiving over successfully getting the toddler to eat vegetables. Romantic, right? :/

Here’s the brutal truth from someone who’s counseled hundreds of couples through this exact struggle: kids will absolutely wreck your romance if you let them.

Not because they’re bad (they’re amazing!), but because they demand everything, your time, energy, attention, and whatever sanity you had left.

But I’ve also seen couples who figured out how to keep the fire burning even with spit-up on their shirts and Cheerios in their hair. Want to know their secrets? Let’s talk about it.

12 Ways To Keep The Romance Alive After Kids

These aren’t theoretical strategies from some parenting book. These are real, battle-tested tactics that actual couples use to stay connected when life feels like controlled chaos.

1. Plan Surprise Date Nights

Let me guess, you think date nights are impossible now? Yeah, I hear that about fifty times a week in my office. And every time, I call BS.

Date nights with kids require planning, but they’re far from impossible.

The couples who make it work don’t wait for the perfect moment because newsflash: that moment isn’t coming. They create it.

Here’s the thing about surprise date nights: they show your partner that you’re willing to move mountains to spend time with them.

You found a babysitter, made reservations. You planned something special. That effort? It speaks volumes.

I worked with a couple who hadn’t been on a date in two years.

The wife thought her husband didn’t care anymore. The husband thought she was too tired to want dates.

Both were wrong. When they finally arranged a sitter and went out, the wife cried in the restaurant because she felt like herself again, not just “mom.”

Start small if you need to. Maybe your first “date” is just getting coffee while grandma watches the baby for an hour.

Build from there. The point isn’t perfection; it’s intention.

Pro tips for making date nights work:

Find a babysitter you trust completely (this is non-negotiable)
Start with shorter dates if separation anxiety is real
Plan something your partner actually enjoys, not just dinner and a movie
Make it a regular thing, not a once-a-year event

Check out these 28 cute date night ideas or these 30 at-home date night ideas if you need inspiration.

And FYI, surprise date nights are also one of the best ways to get your wife in the mood.

2. Leave Love Notes Around The House

Your partner is exhausted. They’ve been up since 5 AM with a screaming toddler, there’s dried baby food in their hair, and they’re pretty sure they forgot to brush their teeth.

Then they open the bathroom mirror and find a note: “You’re an amazing parent and I’m so lucky you’re mine.” Watch how fast their whole day changes.

Love notes are tiny investments with massive returns. They take two minutes to write but can lift your partner’s spirits for hours.

And in the chaos of parenting, these little reminders that you see them, appreciate them, and love them? They’re everything.

I had a client tell me she kept every love note her husband left her during their first year of parenting.

She said on her worst days, when she felt like she was failing at everything, she’d read them and remember she was doing okay.

Where to leave notes:

In their wallet or purse
On the bathroom mirror
In their lunch bag
On the coffee maker (before they’ve had caffeine is prime time)
Under their pillow

Need help with what to write? Here are some love note inspirations and beautiful words that keep the romance alive.

Ever notice how you used to have conversations about things other than diapers, daycare, and doctor appointments? Yeah, me too.

Shared hobbies give you something to connect over that has nothing to do with being parents. You need that.

You desperately need to remember that you’re a person, not just a parenting unit.

The strongest couples I work with have at least one thing they do together that’s just for them.

Maybe it’s hiking every Saturday morning, it’s a book club for two. Maybe it’s gaming, painting, cooking exotic recipes, or watching a specific show religiously.

One couple I counseled took up rock climbing together. They went once a week while the grandparents watched the kids.

It wasn’t just exercise, it was their time to be partners, to encourage each other, to focus on something challenging together. They said it saved their marriage.

Benefits of shared hobbies:

Gives you conversation topics beyond kid stuff
Creates memories that are yours alone
Reminds you why you liked each other in the first place
Provides regular connection time

If you don’t have a shared hobby yet, pick one now. Seriously, right now. It’s one of the good ways to strengthen your bond with your partner.

4. Take Weekend Getaways

I know what you’re thinking: “I can barely get through Tuesday, and she wants me to plan a weekend trip?” Yes. Yes, I do.

Your relationship needs you to temporarily step away from being parents and remember how to be lovers.

You can’t do that when you’re wiping noses and breaking up toy fights.

Now, I’m not saying abandon your newborn with a stranger. Use your judgment.

But once your kids are at an age where they can stay with trusted family or friends? Go. Get out. Escape.

I’ve seen couples transform after just one kid-free weekend. They come back refreshed, reconnected, and actually able to tolerate the chaos again.

One client told me, “We didn’t realize how much we needed it until we did it. We laughed again, talked about our dreams again.

We had sex without listening for the baby monitor.”

Making weekend getaways happen:

Start small, even one night away counts
Choose someone you completely trust with your kids
Plan something relaxing, not exhausting
Leave the guilt at home (your kids will be fine)
Do this at least twice a year

Your kids need parents who like each other. Sometimes that means leaving them behind for 48 hours.

5. Cook Dinner Together

This one sounds simple because it is. But simple doesn’t mean ineffective.

Cooking together creates a natural space for conversation, teamwork, and connection. Plus, you have to eat anyway, so why not make it a couple activity?

Here’s how this looks in real life: You’re chopping vegetables while your partner’s stirring the sauce.

You’re talking about your day, laughing about something stupid, planning the weekend.

Maybe you steal a kiss. Maybe one of you tastes the food and makes a face. It’s normal, everyday stuff, but it’s together.

I tell couples that the one who’s more exhausted gets the easier job. Maybe that’s just prep work or taste-testing.

The point isn’t to create a gourmet meal; it’s to create connection.

One couple I worked with made this their nightly ritual after the kids went to bed.

They said those 30 minutes in the kitchen became their favorite part of the day because it was just them, working as a team, talking like friends.

6. Exchange Massages

Your body is screaming at you. Between carrying kids, hunching over to pick up toys, and sleeping in weird positions because a toddler kicked you all night, you’re one big knot of tension.

Massages with your partner aren’t just about physical relief, they’re about intimacy, touch, and caring for each other.

When was the last time your partner touched you for more than three seconds without a kid interrupting?

Pick a night each week. Trade off. One week you massage your partner, next week they massage you.

Or do in one night if you’re feeling ambitious. Put on some relaxing music, dim the lights, and actually focus on each other.

Physical touch releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. It’s literally chemistry that brings you closer.

Plus, it feels amazing when someone works out that knot in your shoulder that’s been there since 2019.

Massage benefits:

Reduces stress (which you both have in abundance)
Increases physical intimacy without pressure
Shows care and attention
Creates quiet, focused time together
Can lead to other forms of intimacy if you’re both feeling it

You don’t need to be a professional. Just caring hands and genuine attention work wonders.

7. Indulge In Spontaneous Sex

Let’s address the elephant in the room: your sex life probably took a nosedive after kids, right?

You’re tired. Your partner’s tired. Someone’s always crying or needing something. By the time the kids are asleep, you just want to collapse.

I get it, I hear this from almost every couple with young kids.

But here’s the thing: waiting for the perfect moment means never having sex again. Kids don’t create perfect moments.

They create chaos with occasional five-minute windows of opportunity.

Spontaneous sex means seizing those windows. The baby finally napped? Quick, bedroom.

The toddler is absorbed in their show. You’ve got maybe 15 minutes. The kids are at grandmas. Go, go, go!

One client told me she and her husband started texting each other a specific emoji when they thought there might be an opportunity.

It became their code for “kids are occupied, meet me in the bedroom in 2 minutes.” She said it brought back excitement they hadn’t felt in years.

Making spontaneous sex work:

Lock the bedroom door (seriously, every time)
Stop waiting for “perfect” conditions
Quickies count, they really do
Keep the expectation low but the effort high
Laugh when kids interrupt (because they will)
Physical intimacy matters.
Don’t let it die because you’re parents now.

8. Bathe Together Every Day

This might sound weird if you’ve never tried it, but daily bathing together is a game-changer for many couples.

Bathing together creates forced intimacy in a world where you’re lucky to have five minutes alone.

It’s physical closeness without the pressure of sex. It’s vulnerable and comfortable at the same time.

The warm water relaxes you both. You’re naked but it’s not inherently sexual (though it can lead there if you want).

You can talk, you can be quiet, you can wash each other’s hair, you can just exist together without toys, screens, or responsibilities for a few minutes.

I’ve recommended this to couples who felt disconnected, and many said it completely changed their relationship.

One husband told me, “I see my wife now. Not as mom, not as the person managing the household, but as my wife. It reminds me she’s beautiful and I’m lucky.”

Benefits of bathing together:

Consistent daily connection time
Physical intimacy without pressure
Stress relief (warm water works wonders)
Vulnerable conversations happen naturally
Increases comfort and attraction

Learn more about connecting with your partner on a deeper level and ways to spice up your marriage.

9. Have A Picnic In The Backyard

You don’t need to go anywhere fancy to create romance. Sometimes, your backyard is perfect.

A backyard picnic costs almost nothing but creates a memory your partner will treasure.

Throw a blanket on the grass, bring some food and drinks, and pretend you’re somewhere exotic. The magic isn’t in the location; it’s in the intention.

You can do this with the kids, but IMO, it’s better without them sometimes.

Ship them off to the neighbors for an hour or two. Or do it after bedtime with string lights and Soft-drink.

I had clients who did monthly backyard picnics. They’d recreate different locations, “Paris” night with baguettes and cheese, “Mexico” night with tacos and margaritas.

It became their thing, something they looked forward to all month.

Backyard picnic ideas:

Theme it around a place you want to visit

Keep the food simple (this isn’t about gourmet cooking)
Add ambiance with candles or lights
Leave your phones inside
Talk about non-kid topics

Check out cheap date ideas for couples on a budget for more inspiration.

10. Dance Together In The Living Room

This sounds cheesy until you try it. Then it becomes one of your favorite things.

Dancing together creates instant connection. Put on a slow song, pull your partner close, and just sway. Look at each other.

Remember when you used to do this all the time?

Physical touch, eye contact, music, it all combines to create this moment where the chaos fades and it’s just you two.

No talking required. No big planning. Just movement and closeness.

One couple I worked with was on the verge of divorce. I gave them homework: dance together for one song every night for a week.

They thought I was crazy. But they did it, and by day three, the wife was crying because she remembered how much she loved her husband.

The simple act of being held, of moving together, of being present, it rekindled the spark in their relationship.

Why dancing works:

Requires minimal effort
Creates physical closeness
Non-verbal communication
Romantic without being complicated Simple way to connect with your partner

Put on your wedding song. Dance in your pajamas. Make it a ritual.

11. Plan A Staycation At Home

Weekend getaways are great, but sometimes you just need to lock the doors and pretend you’re on vacation without leaving your house.

A staycation gives you all the benefits of getting away without the travel stress or expense.

Send the kids to grandma’s (or trusted friends), turn off your phones, and reclaim your space.

Do whatever you want. Sleep in. Make elaborate meals. Watch movies. Have sex in the living room (you can’t do that with kids around).

Read books. Take baths. Order takeout. The point is to be together without responsibilities.

I recommend staycations to couples who can’t afford or arrange actual vacations. The results? Often just as effective.

One couple told me their 48-hour staycation reconnected them in ways they hadn’t experienced in years. They felt like they were dating again.

Staycation tips:

Actually send the kids away (don’t just ignore them upstairs)
Turn off work emails and notifications
Plan some activities but stay flexible
Focus on each other, not productivity
Do things you never do with kids around
Your home can be a romantic getaway if you make it one.

If you’re only doing one thing from this list, make it this one. Weekly bubble baths saved more marriages than I can count.

A bubble bath creates an oasis of calm in the chaos of parenting. It’s sensual without being rushed, relaxing while being intimate. It’s simple but feels luxurious.

Set the scene. Fill the tub with warm water and bubbles. Add some candles or dim the lights. Put on music you both love. Pour some Drink.

Get in together and just… exist. Talk, touch, laugh, relax. Let the stress melt away.

One client told me their weekly bubble baths became sacred. They’d schedule everything around it.

No matter what chaos happened during the week, they knew Tuesday night at 8 PM was theirs.

She said those baths kept them connected when everything else tried to pull them apart.

Making bubble baths special:

Schedule it consistently (same day/time weekly)
Create ambiance (candles, music, dim lights)
Add favorite drinks
Take your time, don’t rush
Let conversations flow naturally
Allow it to lead wherever it leads

The night is filled with potential when you’re both relaxed, vulnerable, and focused on each other.

Final Thoughts

Look, keeping romance alive after kids is hard. Anyone who tells you differently is either lying or doesn’t have kids yet 🙂

But here’s what I know after years of helping couples through this exact phase: the ones who make it don’t do anything extraordinary; they just do small things consistently.

Your kids need you to stay connected to your partner. They need to see what healthy love looks like. They need parents who actually like each other, not just two people coexisting to raise them.

Pin this for later and come back whenever you need a reminder that romance after kids is possible!

12 Ways to Keep the Romance Alive After Kids

12 Ways To Keep The Romance Alive After Kids