You felt it before you wanted to admit it. That distance. That feeling of being more like roommates than lovers. The conversations that used to flow effortlessly now feel forced.
The laughter that came so easily has gone quiet. And you’re lying there wondering when everything shifted from “us against the world” to “us barely tolerating each other.”
I’ve sat across from hundreds of couples in this exact spot. They come into my office with that same worried look, wondering if their relationship can recover or if they’ve passed some invisible point of no return.
And here’s what I tell every single one of them: relationships drift off course. It’s normal. What matters is whether you’re willing to steer them back.
The good news? Getting your relationship back on track isn’t about grand gestures or complete relationship overhauls. It’s about intentional, consistent actions that rebuild what’s been neglected. And I’m going to show you exactly how to do that.
13 Ways To Get Your Relationship Back On Track
These aren’t theoretical concepts. These are the actual strategies that have saved relationships in my practice. The ones that work when both people are willing to show up and do the work.
1. Show Consistency
Here’s something most people don’t realize: inconsistency kills relationships faster than most conflicts. When your partner never knows which version of you they’re getting, they can’t relax into the relationship. They’re always on guard.
Consistency means you show up the same way every day. You don’t love them on Monday and ignore them on Tuesday. You don’t promise things you won’t deliver. You don’t have good weeks followed by weeks of emotional unavailability.
I had a couple in my office where the husband was the definition of inconsistent. Some days, he was attentive and loving. Other days, he acted like she barely existed.
She described it as “walking on eggshells, never knowing which version of him I’d get.” That uncertainty was destroying her ability to trust him.
When they worked on consistency, everything changed. He started showing up emotionally every day, not just when he felt like it. She could finally relax and trust that his love was stable, not dependent on his mood.
Be the partner your significant other can count on. Every single day. That predictability isn’t boring. It’s the foundation of security.
2. Express Affection
When was the last time you touched your partner without it leading to something else? When did you last hug them just because? Kiss them for no reason? Hold their hand while watching TV?
Physical affection is the glue that keeps romantic relationships feeling romantic. Without it, you’re just friends who happen to live together and maybe occasionally have sex. That’s not intimacy. That’s cohabitation.
If your relationship has lost its spark, I guarantee part of the problem is that you’ve stopped touching each other regularly. You’ve let physical affection become something that only happens as a precursor to sex, and that’s a problem.
Start small. Hug for more than two seconds. Hold hands when you’re walking together. Give random kisses throughout the day. Rest your hand on their back when you pass by. These tiny touches rebuild physical intimacy that’s been lost.
I worked with a couple who hadn’t held hands in over a year. They’d gone from constant physical connection to barely touching. When I assigned them to hold hands for 10 minutes every evening, they both cried the first time they did it. They’d forgotten what simple affection felt like.
3. Be Present
You’re sitting on the couch together. Your partner is talking. You’re scrolling through your phone, occasionally making “mmhmm” sounds. You think you’re spending time together. You’re not. You’re just existing in the same room.
Being present means putting away distractions and actually engaging with your partner. It means eye contact during conversations. It means asking follow-up questions. It means your mind isn’t already planning what you’re going to say next or thinking about work.
Our phones have destroyed the presence in relationships. We’re so addicted to screens that we’ve forgotten how to just be with another person. We scroll while eating dinner. We check notifications during conversations. We choose virtual connections over the real ones sitting right next to us.
Try this: for one hour every evening, put all devices in another room. Just you and your partner, no screens. The first few times will feel weird. Push through it. That discomfort is showing you how dependent you’ve become on distraction.
Presence is the greatest gift you can give someone. It says, “You matter more than anything else happening right now.” Your relationship needs that message badly.
4. Do Thoughtful Acts
Thoughtful gestures show your partner you’ve been thinking about them when they weren’t around. That matters more than you might realize.
I’m not talking about expensive gifts or elaborate surprises. I’m talking about picking up their favorite candy at the store. Making their coffee in the morning. Filling up their car with gas. Grabbing something from the store that they mentioned needing. These small acts say, “I was thinking about you.”
Most relationships lose magic because people stop doing the little things. You get comfortable, assume your partner knows you care, and stop making an effort. But your partner doesn’t feel loved by what you’re thinking. They feel loved by what you’re doing.
One of my clients started leaving sticky notes with short messages around the house for his wife to find. Nothing elaborates, just “love you” or “you’re amazing” in random spots. She told me it completely shifted how connected she felt to him. These tiny gestures reminded her she was on his mind throughout the day.
Make thoughtfulness a daily practice. Do something small every day that shows you’re thinking about their happiness. Watch how quickly things shift when your partner feels prioritized.
5. Listen More
Most people listen to respond, not to understand. Your partner shares something, and you’re already formulating your reply before they’ve finished talking. That’s not listening. That’s waiting for your turn to speak.
Active listening means focusing entirely on what your partner is saying. You’re not thinking about your counter-argument. You’re not planning your advice. You’re just hearing them, understanding their perspective, processing their emotions.
Here’s what real listening looks like:
- Making eye contact while they speak
- Putting away your phone and other distractions
- Asking clarifying questions to understand better
- Reflecting what you heard to confirm understanding
- Validating their feelings, even if you disagree with their perspective
I’ve watched couples transform when one partner learns to actually listen. Suddenly,y the person speaking feels heard for the first time in years. That changes everything.
Practice this: when your partner is talking, focus only on understanding them. Resist the urge to defend, explain, or fix. Just listen. You’ll be shocked at how much this improves your communication.
6. Apologize Through Actions
“I’m sorry” is easy to say. Proving you’re sorry through changed behavior? That’s where the real work happens.
If your relationship is struggling because of your mistakes, words alone won’t fix it. Your partner needs to see consistent changed behavior. They need proof that you’re not just sorry you hurt them. You’re sorry enough to do better.
I counseled a man who cheated on his wife. He apologized repeatedly with words but kept engaging in sketchy behavior. His apologies were meaningless because his actions showed he wasn’t actually sorry. When he finally started backing up his words with transparency, accountability, and changed patterns, that’s when healing could begin.
Actions speak louder than apologies. If you’ve hurt your partner, show them through consistent behavior that you’re committed to being better. Prove your remorse through the effort you put into change.
And here’s the hard part: this takes time. One good week doesn’t erase months of hurtful behavior. You need sustained, consistent change before trust is rebuilt. Be patient with that process.
7. Create New Memories
Relationships stagnate when they become nothing but routine. Work, dinner, TV, bed, repeat. No wonder you feel disconnected. You’re not creating any new experiences together.
Creating new memories breaks you out of patterns and reminds you why you fell for each other in the first place. Try new restaurants. Take weekend trips. Start a hobby together. Do something neither of you has done before.
New experiences create excitement and give you things to talk about. They create inside jokes and share stories. They make your relationship feel dynamic instead of stagnant.
I had a couple who’d been together 15 years and were bored out of their minds. Same routine, same conversations, same everything. I challenged them to try one new thing together every month.
Within months, they’d taken a cooking class, gone kayaking, attended a comedy show, and started hiking. Their entire dynamic shifted because they were having fun together again.
You don’t need huge adventures. You just need to break the monotony. Do something different. Create memories that aren’t just “we watched Netflix on the couch again.”
8. Give Them Space
This might sound counterintuitive when you’re trying to reconnect, but sometimes the best thing you can do for your relationship is give each other breathing room.
Healthy relationships include both togetherness and independence. When you’re suffocating each other with constant togetherness, resentment builds. People need space to be individuals, to pursue their own interests, to maintain their own friendships.
If you’ve been hovering, pulling back actually helps. Let your partner have their own life. Encourage their hobbies. Support their friendships. Stop making them feel guilty for wanting time alone or with other people.
Ironically, space often brings couples closer. When you’re not together 24/7, you actually miss each other. You have things to talk about when you reconnect. You bring fresh energy back to the relationship instead of the same stale dynamics.
I’ve seen this work wonders for couples who were smothering each other. Once they gave each other room to breathe, they rediscovered why they liked each other in the first place.
9. Improve Yourself
You cannot expect your relationship to grow if you’re not growing as an individual. Personal stagnation leads to relationship stagnation.
Work on yourself. Go to therapy if you need to. Read books. Develop new skills. Focus on your physical and mental health. Pursue goals that make you proud of yourself. Become the best version of yourself, not just for your partner, but for you.
When both people in a relationship are actively working on personal growth, the relationship benefits. You’re bringing your best selves to the partnership. You’re not expecting your partner to complete you or fix you. You’re showing up as whole people choosing to build something together.
I’ve counseled couples where one partner completely let themselves go, physically, emotionally, mentally. They stopped caring about personal development. That affected the entire relationship because their partner felt like they were dating someone who’d given up on life.
Take care of yourself. Set goals. Challenge yourself. Be someone you’re proud to be. That energy transforms your relationship more than you might expect. FYI, it’s pretty hard to build a thriving relationship with someone who’s not thriving individually.
10. Bring Back Inside Jokes
Remember when you first got together and everything was funny? You had inside jokes, playful teasing, moments that made you both laugh until you cried. Where did that lightness go?
Relationships need humor. They need playfulness. They need moments where you’re not taking everything so seriously. Life is hard enough without your relationship adding to the heaviness.
Bring back the inside jokes. Reference funny moments from your past. Create new silly traditions. Be goofy together. Laugh at yourselves. Stop treating your relationship like a business transaction and remember it’s supposed to be enjoyable.
Laughter releases tension. It creates positive associations. It reminds you that you actually like each other, not just love each other. Those are different things, and both matter.
One couple I worked with was so serious and heavy all the time. Everything was a discussion about responsibilities and problems. I challenged them to send each other one funny meme or joke every day. That tiny injection of humor started shifting their dynamic back toward enjoyment.
11. Show Respect
Disrespect kills love faster than almost anything else. If you’re speaking to your partner with contempt, rolling your eyes at them, dismissing their opinions, or treating them like they’re stupid, your relationship is in serious trouble.
Respect means valuing your partner’s thoughts even when you disagree. It means speaking kindly even when you’re angry. It means treating them with the same courtesy you’d give a stranger, if not more.
I’ve seen couples who speak to each other in ways they’d never tolerate from anyone else. Constant criticism, mockery, and belittling comments disguised as jokes. That’s not love. That’s slow-motion relationship death.
Check how you talk to your partner. Are you kind? Do you show appreciation for their perspective? Do you treat their feelings as valid? Or do you dismiss, criticize, and disrespect them regularly?
Mutual respect is non-negotiable. If it’s missing, everything else falls apart. Rebuild respect through how you speak, how you listen, and how you treat your partner daily.
12. Be Patient
Here’s something nobody wants to hear: fixing your relationship takes time. You can’t undo months or years of distance and damage in a few weeks.
The problems didn’t develop overnight. The solution won’t happen overnight either. You need patience with the process and patience with each other as you both work on rebuilding.
Expecting instant results leads to frustration and giving up prematurely. Instead, focus on consistent small improvements. Celebrate tiny wins. Acknowledge progress even when it feels slow.
I tell couples this all the time: you’re building new patterns, and that requires repetition over time. The first few times you try new behaviors, they’ll feel awkward and forced. Keep going. Eventually, they become natural.
Trust the process. Stay committed even when you’re not seeing dramatic changes. The work you’re putting in now is laying the groundwork for long-term transformation. Give it time.
13. Express Gratitude
When did you last thank your partner for something they do regularly? Not the big stuff. The everyday things you’ve started taking for granted.
Gratitude changes relationships. When you regularly acknowledge what your partner does, they feel appreciated. They feel valued. They want to keep showing up for you.
Without gratitude, people feel taken for granted. They feel like their efforts don’t matter. Eventually, they stop trying because why put in effort if it goes unnoticed and unappreciated?
Express gratitude daily. Thank them for making dinner. Appreciate them listening to you vent. Acknowledge when they do something thoughtful. Don’t let their efforts become invisible just because they’re consistent.
Simple phrases make a huge difference:
- “Thank you for always handling [specific thing]”
- “I really appreciate how you [specific action]”
- “I’m grateful for you because [specific reason]”
- “I don’t say this enough, but thank you for [something they do regularly]”
Make gratitude a habit. Watch how your partner lights up when they feel genuinely appreciated. That positive energy cycles back into the relationship, creating more goodwill and connection.
14. Reignite Physical Intimacy (Bonus)
Let’s address the elephant in the room. If your physical intimacy has disappeared, your relationship is in trouble. That physical connection is what separates romantic partnerships from friendships.
Physical intimacy includes sex, yes, but it’s so much more than that. It’s cuddling on the couch. It’s kissing that lasts more than a peck. It’s hugs that actually feel like hugs. It’s holding hands. It’s any physical touch that creates connection and intimacy.
If you’ve let this aspect die, you need to intentionally bring it back. Start with non-sexual touch. Rebuild comfort with physical affection before trying to jump straight to sex. Hold hands. Cuddle. Give longer hugs. Kiss hello and goodbye like you mean it.
Then work on the sexual intimacy. Talk openly about what you both need. Create time and space for physical connection instead of treating it like an afterthought. Prioritize it like you would anything else important in your life.
I’ve counseled couples who went months without any physical intimacy. Rebuilding that takes intention and vulnerability from both people. But it’s absolutely possible when both partners commit to it 🙂
Final Thoughts
Let’s be real. Fixing your relationship takes effort from both of you. If only one person is trying, it won’t last. You both need to show up, care, and work to rebuild what you’ve lost.
These 13 steps aren’t magic tricks. They’re habits that bring you closer over time. You won’t get them all right every day, and that’s fine. What matters is that you keep trying with an open heart.
Strong relationships recover when both people decide it’s worth it. They stop drifting apart. They stop taking each other for granted. They start choosing love on purpose, every single day.
Your relationship didn’t fall apart overnight, and it won’t heal overnight either. It happens through small daily choices that slowly build trust again. Be patient. Celebrate progress. Keep showing up, even on hard days.
And remember, asking for help isn’t weakness. If you’re both putting in the effort but still feel stuck, try couples therapy. A fresh view can help you see what’s hidden.
You can rebuild your love. It takes truth, effort, and real commitment from both of you. Are you ready to do the work? Because your relationship is waiting for you to fight for it.
Now go start. Your partner, and your future together, will thank you.
