Ever scroll through social media and see those couples who’ve been together for decades but still look at each other like it’s their first date?
I used to think they were just posing for the camera.
Turns out, they’re not faking it. They’ve simply learned something most couples haven’t.
The truth is that happy relationships don’t happen by luck. It’s not about finding someone who never annoys you.
After working with hundreds of couples, I’ve learned that lasting happiness comes from the small, consistent things you do every day, not the rare big gestures.
So, what are these magical habits that keep love alive?
They’re actually surprisingly simple, which is both good news and bad news.
Good news because anyone can do them.
Bad news because you have no more excuses 🙂
Let’s talk about the 12 things happy couples regularly do together that create relationships everyone else envies.
12 Things Happy Couples Do Regularly To Keep Their Love Strong
Before we get into the list, let me be real with you. Happy couples aren’t happy all the time.
They argue, they get annoyed with each other, and yes, sometimes they fantasize about having the remote all to themselves.
The difference is in how they handle the daily grind of being in a relationship.
They’ve built habits that keep their foundation strong, even when everything else feels shaky.
Ready to steal their secrets? Let’s go!
1. Communicate Openly
I’m starting with this one because, every single relationship problem I’ve ever encountered traces back to communication issues.
Open communication isn’t just about talking; it’s about creating a safe space where both people can be:
- completely honest without fear of judgment
- Ridicule
- Or having it thrown back in their face later.
Happy couples talk about:
- The uncomfortable stuff (money, s#x, in-laws)
- Their feelings (even when they’re “irrational”)
- Their needs (before resentment builds)
- Their dreams and fears
- Daily check-ins about life and emotions
But here’s what makes their communication different: they actually listen.
Not that fake listening where you’re planning your response while they’re still talking.
But Real, focused, “I’m here with you” listening.
I had one couple who transformed their marriage just by implementing a daily 15-minute check-in where phones were off-limits.
That’s it. Just 15 minutes of undivided attention. They went from considering divorce to feeling genuinely connected again.
Open communication also means saying the good stuff out loud.
Thank your partner. Compliment them. Tell them you love them. Don’t just think it, say it.
Improve communication with apps like Lasting for daily conversation exercises or Paired for relationship questions.
2. Show Appreciation Daily
When’s the last time you thanked your partner for something they do regularly?
Not the big stuff, the everyday stuff like making coffee, taking out trash, or handling the kids’ homework drama.
Happy couples don’t take each other for granted. They notice the small things and acknowledge them consistently.
Ways to show appreciation:
- Verbal thank yous for specific actions
- Love notes left in unexpected places
- Helping with their chores without being asked
- Acknowledging their effort even when results aren’t perfect
- Bragging about them to others (bonus points if they overhear)
Here’s the psychology behind it: our brains are wired to notice what’s wrong way more than what’s right.
It’s a survival mechanism that doesn’t serve relationships well.
When you practice daily appreciation, you literally retrain your brain to see the good instead of fixating on the annoying.
I worked with one wife who was convinced her husband did nothing around the house.
When I asked her to track everything he actually did for one week, she was shocked.
He was doing tons of stuff, she just stopped noticing because it became routine.
3. Spend Quality Time Together
Here’s a hard truth: sitting on the same couch while both scrolling your phones doesn’t count as quality time.
Neither does watching TV while one person dozes off. Sorry, but someone had to say it.
Quality time means being fully present with each other. Phones away, distractions minimized, actual engagement happening.
Quality time ideas:
- Weekly date nights (even at home counts!)
- Morning coffee together before chaos starts
- Evening walks to decompress and connect
- Cooking together (bonus: you get to eat!)
- Shared hobbies you both enjoy
Phone-free bedtime conversations
The couples I work with who prioritize quality time consistently report feeling more connected, having better s#x, and arguing less.
It’s like relationship preventative maintenance; spending time together now prevents bigger problems later.
And listen, I get it. Life is busy. Kids, work, responsibilities, it all piles up.
But if you can’t find 30 minutes a day to focus on your relationship.
Then your relationship will eventually become just another item on your to-do list that never gets done.
Find local date activities on Eventbrite or try DateBox Club for curated date night ideas delivered monthly.
4. Practice Forgiveness
Your partner will mess up. You will mess up. This is guaranteed.
The question isn’t whether mistakes will happen, it’s how you’ll handle them when they do.
Happy couples are quick to forgive and slow to hold grudges.
They understand that holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Real forgiveness means:
- Letting go of minor offenses immediately
- Discussing major issues without weaponizing past mistakes
- Giving grace for human imperfection
- Moving forward instead of staying stuck
- Forgiving yourself for your own mistakes too
I can always tell when a couple is headed for trouble, they start every argument with “Well, remember five years ago when you…”
If you’re keeping a running tally of your partner’s mistakes, you’re building a case for divorce, not a case for staying together.
Here’s something powerful: happy couples also practice self-forgiveness.
They don’t wallow in guilt when they mess up. They apologize, make amends, and move on.
5. Support Each Other’s Goals
Nothing kills love faster than feeling like your partner doesn’t believe in you.
Happy couples inspire each other to grow. They cheer on one another’s dreams, whether it’s a career goal, a personal passion, or a new hobby.
Supporting your partner’s ambitions shows that you care about their happiness and their sense of purpose.
It’s one of the simple habits that strong couples practice often, and it brings them even closer.
True support isn’t just about saying the right words. It’s about showing up adjusting your schedule, sharing responsibilities, and making room for your partner to thrive.
Happy couples know that when one of them succeeds, they both win.
They celebrate every achievement together and see themselves as a team.
I once worked with a client who felt unfulfilled because her husband didn’t support her efforts to become financially independent.
When a partner feels unseen or limited, frustration and regret can quietly grow.
Happy couples are each other’s biggest cheerleaders, not their biggest obstacles.
Support looks like:
- Listening to their dreams without immediately pointing out problems
- Making sacrifices to help them succeed
- Celebrating wins like they’re your own
- Encouraging them when things get tough
- Adjusting your life to accommodate their pursuits
I once worked with a couple where the husband wanted to start a business.
His wife’s response? “That’s a terrible idea and we can’t afford it.” Ten years later, he was still resentful about the dream she killed.
Compare that to another couple where the wife went back to school in her 40s.
Her husband took on extra household duties, encouraged her through tough exams, and threw a party when she graduated.
Their marriage got stronger through the challenge, not weaker.
When you support your partner’s goals, you’re saying “your happiness matters to me”. And that’s relationship gold.
Track goals together with Trello for visual organization or Goals on Track for detailed planning.
6. Share Responsibilities
Nothing breeds resentment faster than feeling like you’re doing everything while your partner does nothing.
Happy couples split the load in ways that feel fair to both people.
This includes:
- Household chores (cleaning, cooking, laundry)
- Mental load (planning, organizing, remembering)
- Emotional labor (checking in, initiating intimacy, planning dates)
- Financial management (bills, budgeting, planning)
- Decision making (big and small choices)
Notice I said, “fair to both people,” not “exactly equal.” Fair doesn’t always mean 50/50.
Maybe one person works longer hours, so the other does more housework.
Maybe one person handles all the cooking while the other does all the cleaning.
The key is that both people feel good about the arrangement.
IMO, the worst thing couples do is assume the other person knows what needs doing.
If you want help, be specific. “I need you to handle dinner on Tuesdays and Thursdays” is way more effective than sighing loudly and hoping they notice.
7. Laugh And Have Fun Together
When’s the last time you laughed, really laughed, with your partner? If you can’t remember, your relationship might be in trouble.
Happy couples maintain a sense of playfulness and humor. They don’t take everything so seriously, including themselves.
Ways to keep fun alive:
- Inside jokes that only you two get
- Playful teasing (gentle, never mean)
- Silly activities just because
- Watching comedies together
- Being spontaneous sometimes
- Not adulting for a while
I worked with one couple who were so stressed about life that they forgot how to have fun together.
I gave them homework: do something ridiculous together once a week.
They started with a water balloon fight in their backyard at 10 PM.
Their neighbors thought they were crazy, but they felt more connected than they had in years.
Laughter releases endorphins, reduces stress, and creates positive associations with your partner. It’s basically free relationship therapy.
Find funny content together on Netflix comedy specials or listen to comedy podcasts on Spotify.
8. Be Affectionate
Physical touch is how humans connect. Happy couples touch each other regularly throughout the day, and I’m not just talking about s#x.
Non-se#ual affection includes:
- Holding hands while walking or watching TV
- Hugging (real ones, not side hugs)
- Kissing hello and goodbye
- Cuddling on the couch
- Back rubs or shoulder massages
- Playing with hair or holding hands
- Quick touches passing in the kitchen
Physical affection releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. It literally makes you feel closer to your partner.
Couples who touch regularly report higher satisfaction in their relationships.
I had one client who complained that her marriage felt like a business partnership.
When I asked about physical affection, she said they maybe hugged once a week.
That’s it. Once a week. We worked on increasing non-sexual touch, and suddenly they felt more connected emotionally too.
Here’s something interesting: couples who hold hands or touch during arguments resolve conflicts faster and more peacefully.
Physical connection reminds you you’re on the same team.
9. Resolve Conflicts Respectfully
All couples fight, but happy couples fight fair. They’ve learned to disagree without destroying each other in the process.
Respectful conflict resolution means:
- No name-calling or personal attacks
- Sticking to the current issue (no bringing up ancient history)
- Listening to understand, not to win
- Taking breaks when emotions run too high
- Apologizing when you’re wrong
- Compromising instead of demanding your way
I can predict which couples will make it based on how they fight. Couples who use contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, or criticism during conflicts?
They’re in serious trouble. Those are the “Four Horsemen” that predict divorce with scary accuracy.
Happy couples address issues when they’re small instead of letting them fester.
They see arguments as opportunities to understand each other better, not as battles to win.
Learn healthy conflict skills through The Gottman Method or read “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.”
10. Keep Intimacy Alive
S#xual intimacy is what separates your romantic relationship from all your other relationships.
Happy couples prioritize their s#x life even when they’re tired, busy, or stressed.
But intimacy isn’t just s#x. It’s also:
- Emotional vulnerability with each other
- Sharing fears and dreams
- Being seen fully by your partner
- Physical closeness throughout the day
- Flirting and playful banter
- Making time for intimate connection
One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves: “We’ll have s#x when we feel like it.”
For most long-term couples, you have to prioritize intimacy even when you don’t feel like it.
The desire often comes after you start, not before.
I worked with one couple who hadn’t had s#x in eight months. Both were waiting to “feel like it” first.
I told them to schedule it twice a week for a month, ready or not.
By week three, they were initiating outside the schedule. They just needed to restart the engine.
Happy couples talk openly about their s#xual needs and desires.
They don’t expect their partner to read their mind or magically know what they want.
Explore intimacy resources at Emily Nagoski’s website or read “Come As You Are” for science-based guidance.
11. Surprise Each Other With Small Gestures
Romance doesn’t die, it’s murdered by routine and taking each other for granted.
Happy couples keep the spark alive with small, unexpected gestures.
Surprise gestures include:
- Favorite snacks brought home randomly
- Love notes in unexpected places
- Morning coffee brought to bed
- Taking over a chore they usually do
- Planning surprise dates (even simple ones)
- Random “thinking of you” texts
- Small gifts for no reason
These don’t have to be expensive or elaborate. The thought behind the gesture matters more than the gesture itself.
It’s about showing your partner “I was thinking of you and wanted to make you smile.”
I remember one client whose husband started leaving sticky notes with compliments around the house.
Just sticky notes. She cried telling me about it because it had been years since he’d made her feel special.
12. Express Gratitude For The Relationship
Happy couples don’t just feel grateful, they express it out loud, regularly. This means:
- Thanking each other for being there
- Acknowledging how your life is better with them in it
- Celebrating your relationship milestones
- Appreciating the journey you’ve shared
- Recognizing challenges you’ve overcome together
Gratitude shifts your focus from what’s missing to what’s present.
It helps you see your relationship through a positive lens instead of dwelling on problems.
I recommend couples do a weekly gratitude practice: share three things you’re grateful for about your partner or relationship.
Watch how quickly this transforms your perspective.
Build gratitude habits with Gratitude or Presently to track what you appreciate daily.
The Reality of Happy Relationships
Here’s something important I need you to understand.
Happy couples aren’t happy because their relationship is easy, they’re happy because they’ve built habits that make hard things manageable.
They still face stress, money problems, parenting challenges, health issues, and everything else life throws at them.
The difference is they face these challenges as a team, not as opponents.
These 12 habits aren’t complicated, but they do require intention and consistency.
You can’t do them once and expect magic. You have to make them part of your daily routine.
Final Thoughts
Look, I’m not going to pretend that doing these 12 things will solve every problem in your relationship.
Some relationships have deeper issues that require professional help. And that’s okay, there’s no shame in getting support.
But for most couples? These habits are the difference between barely surviving and actually thriving together.
They’re the secret sauce that keeps love alive when life gets messy (and it always gets messy).
Start small. Pick one or two habits from this list and commit to them for the next 30 days.
Don’t try to overhaul your entire relationship overnight. Small, consistent changes create lasting transformation.
Need more support? Try relationship apps like Relish for personalized coaching or Between for couple- focused connection.
The couples you admire, the ones who’ve been together for decades and still hold hands, they’re not doing anything magical.
They’re just doing these small things consistently, over and over, until they become natural. You can have that too.
You can be the couple other people look at and think “I want what they have”.
It just takes intentionality, commitment, and a willingness to show up for each other every single day.
So here’s my challenge to you: go do one thing from this list right now.
Text your partner something you appreciate about them. Plan a date night. Give them a real hug when they get home. Just do one thing.
Because here’s the truth: happy couples aren’t born, they’re built, one small habit at a time. And your happiness? It starts today, with this next choice you make.
Now stop reading and go connect with your person. They’re waiting 🙂
