Listen up, gorgeous! This post isn’t for women who play it safe and never color outside the lines. If you’re ready to shake things up and discover what really drives your man wild, you’re in the right place. We’re talking about things guys like in bed but won’t ask for, little things guys love in bed, and what makes men absolutely lose their minds with desire.
After years of working with couples as a relationship therapist, I’ve noticed something fascinating. There’s this invisible barrier in most bedrooms that keeps couples from experiencing the mind-blowing intimacy they actually crave. It’s like we’re all walking on a shaky bridge, too scared to take that leap into uncharted territory.
Think of me as your friendly relationship coach who’s seen it all and isn’t afraid to spill the tea 🙂 I’m here to help you break through those myths, fears, and old-fashioned ideas that have been holding you back from becoming the sensual goddess you were meant to be.
Don’t laugh, but you have incredible powers that you haven’t even tapped into yet. Every woman can absolutely fulfill her man’s deepest desires and give him those secret things guys like in bed but won’t ask for. Here’s the kicker, though your greatest asset isn’t your body or your looks. It’s your brain and understanding of intimate psychology.
So why am I writing this today? It’s not just to give you a list of bedroom tricks. I want to change your entire mindset and help you believe in your own superpowers. No matter your age, body type, or experience level, you can drive your man absolutely wild by understanding these hidden desires.
Ready to discover what those secret things guys find irresistible in bed actually are?
Things Guys Like In Bed But Won’t Ask For
Here are some absolutely mind-blowing things guys like in bed but won’t ask for that might surprise you. Let’s explore these little things guys love in bed and things guys find irresistible but are too shy to request.
1. Be Real and Authentic
Here’s a fun question for you: if you could give your man’s anatomy a pet name, what would you call it? I know some women who’ve named their partner’s most sensitive area and use those names during intimate moments. Sounds playful.
But being real goes way deeper than cute nicknames. Men are actually covered in layers of emotional and physical protection. You might be thinking “Protection? Please! I’m the one worried about birth control!” But here’s the thing most guys experience intimacy in a very limited way, focusing only on the obvious areas and rarely exploring beyond that.
Many men develop a “don’t touch me there” attitude because of past experiences or sensitivity around certain areas. You can completely change this dynamic by showing genuine appreciation and curiosity about his entire body. When you’re authentically excited about exploring him, it breaks down those protective walls.
I had a client, Rebecca, who discovered that her husband had been holding back for years because he was self-conscious about certain areas of his body. Once she started expressing genuine fascination and appreciation for ALL of him, their entire intimate life transformed.
The key is dropping any performance or fake enthusiasm. Men can sense authenticity from a mile away, and nothing turns them on more than a partner who’s genuinely excited to be with them.
2. Catch Up Before Making Love
What does your typical day look like before you end up in bed together? Do you both run around like crazy all day, barely speaking until you collapse exhausted at night? If that sounds familiar, you’re missing out on one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs ever: connection.
Here’s what most people don’t understand: foreplay doesn’t start in the bedroom; it starts in your mind. Throughout the day, you can be building anticipation, creating desire, and stoking the fires of passion without even touching.
Instead of popping energy pills or hoping for spontaneous desire, you can actually generate arousal by feeding your emotional and mental connection throughout the day. We’ve got this backwards we try to force our brains to follow our bodies instead of letting our bodies respond to what’s happening in our minds.
I received a message from a client that perfectly illustrates this problem:
“My boyfriend and I are both super focused on our careers right now. We hardly have time for intimacy, and it’s been months. We tried scheduling it, but that didn’t work. I tell him when I’m interested, but he doesn’t seem into it anymore. I’m getting frustrated.”
The problem isn’t lack of time it’s lack of connection. When you try to schedule intimacy like a doctor’s appointment, you remove all the natural buildup and anticipation that makes it exciting.
Instead of treating intimate time like another task on your to-do list, focus on maintaining connection throughout your busy days. Send flirty texts through WhatsApp, leave little notes, share inside jokes, and touch him briefly when you pass by in the kitchen.
Catching up before making love means feeding that emotional fire all day long, so when you do come together, you’re already mentally and emotionally connected. This is absolutely one of those things guys find irresistible in bed but rarely know how to ask for.
3. Make Foreplay Come Alive
One of the biggest things guys like in bed but won’t ask for is intimacy to feel alive and connected, rather than mechanical and routine. When it comes to foreplay, we need to stop confusing arousal with desire.
Here’s what most people get wrong: they think foreplay is just a few physical moves designed to get things started. Real foreplay is a mental and emotional connection. It’s what happens in your minds and hearts, not just your bodies.
Let me say this again because it’s so important: foreplay happens outside the bedroom. All that kissing, touching, teasing, and physical exploration is wonderful, but it’s not truly foreplay unless there’s genuine connection and anticipation behind it.
I want to completely change how you think about this. Foreplay and physical intimacy don’t always have to go hand in hand. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is build incredible anticipation without any expectation of where it leads.
Remember back in high school when just the possibility of holding hands or stealing a kiss was enough to make your heart race for hours? That’s the feeling we’re trying to recreate. When foreplay becomes about genuine connection rather than just physical preparation, everything changes.
I worked with a couple, Sarah and Mike, who complained their intimate life felt like a checklist.
Once Sarah started focusing on mental and emotional foreplay throughout the day, Mike told me it was like dating her all over again. The anticipation and connection made their physical time together incredibly more satisfying.
4. Take The Lead Sometimes
Society has programmed us to think men should always be the initiators while women control everything else. But taking the lead is absolutely one of those things guys like in bed but won’t ask for.
Don’t wait for your man to always start things. Surprise him by being the one who makes the first move. Climb on top, take control, show him exactly what you want. Think of him as your personal playground and don’t be shy about exploring.
Taking the lead doesn’t mean you have to become someone you’re not. It just means expressing your desires confidently and showing initiative. Maybe that’s texting him something flirty during his lunch break, or maybe it’s pulling him into the bedroom when he least expects it.
One of my clients, Maria, was incredibly shy about initiating anything physical. Once she started taking the lead occasionally, her husband told her it was the sexiest thing she’d ever done. Why? Because it showed him how much she desired him, not just how much she was willing to go along with his desires.
Want to know what a man wants in a woman in bed? Initiative and enthusiasm. When you take the lead, you’re showing him that you don’t just tolerate intimacy you actively crave it.
5. Can You Go To The Extreme Sometimes?
I once read about a fascinating exercise where men were asked to close their eyes and imagine extreme scenarios, then say the first thing that came to mind. The results revealed some pretty eye-opening insights into male psychology.
The point isn’t that you have to fulfill every wild fantasy. It’s about understanding that men often have desires they feel too embarrassed or worried to express. They’re concerned you’ll judge them or think they’re perverted for wanting something outside the ordinary.
Are you willing to step outside your comfort zone occasionally to make your partner happy? I’m not saying you should do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but consider gradually expanding your boundaries if you feel safe doing so.
Based on that psychological exercise I mentioned, here are some common secret desires men shared:
- Physical dominance play (giving or receiving)
- Watching you pleasure yourself
- More adventurous locations for intimacy
- Increased oral attention from you
- Role-playing scenarios with costumes or characters
- You’re wearing special lingerie just for them
- More vocal appreciation and dirty talk
- Photography or video (with full consent and privacy)
Surprised by some of these? This shows what actually goes through many men’s minds. The question is: how far are you willing to explore together?
Remember, you always have the right to say no to anything that doesn’t feel right for you. But you might be surprised by what you’d actually enjoy if you approached it with curiosity rather than judgment.
6. Don’t Be Passive, Participate
Participation is huge! One of the most common complaints I hear from men is feeling like their partner isn’t really “there” during intimate moments. They want to see that you’re engaged, excited, and actively enjoying yourself.
This doesn’t mean you have to put on a performance. It means letting yourself get lost in the moment and showing genuine reactions. Move your body, use your hands, make eye contact, respond to what feels good.
Active participation shows enthusiasm, and nothing turns a man on more than knowing his partner is genuinely excited to be with him. When you’re passive, it can feel like you’re just going through the motions or doing him a favor.
I had a client who realized she’d been holding back her natural responses because she was self-conscious. Once she started letting herself react naturally, her husband said it completely transformed their intimacy. He felt like she was finally truly present with him.
7. Make Sensual Noise and Scream His Name If You Have To
Men are incredibly responsive to audio feedback. They want to hear that you’re enjoying yourself, and your voice is one of the most powerful tools you have for driving them wild.
Don’t hold back your natural sounds and reactions. Moan, gasp, whisper his name, tell him how good something feels. These vocalizations aren’t just for his benefit they actually increase your own arousal too.
Some women feel embarrassed about making noise, but your sounds are incredibly validating for your partner. They let him know his technique is working and guide him toward what you enjoy most.
Saying his name during intimate moments is particularly powerful. It creates incredible intimacy and makes the experience feel personal and connected rather than generic.
8. Come Prepared, Come Clean
Personal hygiene and preparation show respect for both yourself and your partner. This includes everything from basic cleanliness to more intimate grooming preferences you might have.
But preparation goes beyond just physical cleanliness. It’s also about mental preparation putting away distractions like phones, clearing your mind of daily stress, and focusing on being present with your partner.
Consider using apps like Headspace or Calm for quick relaxation exercises before intimate time. A clear, focused mind leads to much better physical connection.
Being prepared also means communicating about preferences and boundaries before you’re in the heat of the moment. These conversations are much easier when you’re both relaxed and not feeling pressured.
9. Be Adventurous
Adventure doesn’t necessarily mean extreme acts. It could be as simple as trying a new position, changing locations, or introducing a small toy or accessory from reputable sites like Lovehoney.
The key is approaching intimacy with curiosity and playfulness rather than always sticking to the same routine. Men love when their partners show interest in exploring and trying new things together.
Adventure is really about mindset. It’s about being open to experiences and willing to laugh when things don’t go perfectly. This playful attitude is incredibly attractive and keeps things fresh and exciting.
I encourage couples to create a “yes, no, maybe” list where you both categorize different activities. This makes it easy to find new things you’re both excited to try without pressure or awkwardness.
10. Be Willing to Communicate
Communication is perhaps the most important item on this entire list. Men desperately want to know what you’re thinking, what you like, what you want more of, and what isn’t working for you.
But here’s the thing they want this communication to happen in a loving, non-critical way. Instead of pointing out what they’re doing wrong, focus on what you’d love them to do more of.
Use positive language like “I love when you…” or “It drives me wild when you…” rather than “You never…” or “You always…” This approach makes them eager to please you rather than defensive.
Ask questions too! Find out what he’s been curious about, what his fantasies are, what he’d love to try. Communication should be a two-way street where you’re both sharing and discovering together.
Consider having these conversations outside the bedroom when you’re both relaxed. Apps like Lasting offer great conversation starters for couples who want to deepen their intimacy.
Final Notes
This list of things guys like in bed but won’t ask for is definitely not exhaustive. There’s so much more you can discover as you continue growing together and exploring what makes your specific relationship unique.
The couples who are willing to step outside their comfort zones together are the ones who create truly extraordinary intimate connections 🙂
Remember, every relationship is different, and what works for one couple might not work for another. The key is finding what lights you both up and makes you feel deeply connected and satisfied.
Your journey toward better intimacy starts with a single conversation or one small step outside your comfort zone. You’ve got this, gorgeous! Your relationship is about to get so much more exciting.
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