Marriage changes everything, so make sure you’ve actually lived before you say “I do.”
Let me be blunt: too many women rush into marriage without taking time to figure out who they are, what they want, and what kind of life they’re building.
Then they wake up ten years later feeling like they missed something important, wondering who they’d be if they’d taken time to grow before becoming someone’s wife.
I’ve counseled enough women with regrets to know this pattern well.
They skipped experiences that would have made them stronger, more confident, and better prepared for marriage. Don’t be that woman.
This isn’t about delaying marriage or playing the field. It’s about becoming the kind of woman who enters marriage complete, not looking for her husband to fill the gaps in her life.
The goal is self-awareness, life skills, and experiences that shape you into someone who chooses marriage from a place of strength, not need.
What Things Should A Woman Do Before Getting Married?
Marriage isn’t a finish line, it’s a starting point for a new chapter. But you need to finish some other chapters first. The essential pre-marriage experiences include:
- Knowing yourself deeply, your values, goals, and non-negotiables
- Developing life skills that make you capable and independent
- Building financial literacy so money doesn’t control your choices
- Creating strong support systems outside your romantic relationship
- Experiencing life fully before responsibilities limit your freedom
These aren’t just nice-to-haves. They’re foundations that determine whether you enter marriage as a whole person or as someone looking for completion through another human being.
18 Important Things Every Woman Should Do Before Marriage
Let’s break down the specific experiences that’ll transform you from just another bride into a woman who’s genuinely ready for marriage.
1. Know Your Values And Goals
If you don’t know what matters to you, you’ll end up living someone else’s life.
Sit down and figure out what you actually value. Not what your parents value, not what society says you should value, but what genuinely matters to you.
Is it career advancement? Family closeness? Creative expression? Financial security? Adventure?
Write down your top five values and three major life goals. Then find a partner whose values align with yours, not someone you’ll have to compromise yourself to be with.
This clarity becomes your filter for everything, who you date, what jobs you take, how you spend your time.
Women without this clarity end up in marriages that looked good on paper but feel hollow in reality.
2. Learn Important Skills
Self-sufficiency is sexy, and more importantly, it’s essential.
Learn skills that make you capable of handling life without rescue:
- Driving, mobility equals freedom
- Basic car maintenance, changing tires, checking oil
- Swimming, literal survival skill
- Self-defense basics, personal safety matters
- Cooking, nutrition and independence
- Basic home repairs, don’t wait for someone to fix things
- Financial management, budgeting, investing, taxes
Use platforms like Skillshare or YouTube for tutorials. Take local classes for hands-on skills like self-defense or car maintenance.
These skills don’t just make you capable, they make you confident.
You stop needing to be saved and start living from a place of strength.
3. Travel With Your Future Partner
Traveling together reveals who people really are under stress. Before you commit forever, take at least one significant trip together.
Not a cushy resort vacation where everything’s handled, actual travel with flights to catch, directions to navigate, and problems to solve.
Travel shows you:
- How they handle stress and unexpected problems
- Whether they’re flexible or rigid
- How they treat service workers
- If they’re considerate of your needs
- Whether they can compromise on the fly
- I’ve seen couples discover deal-breakers during trips that would have destroyed their marriage later. Better to know before the wedding.
4. Experience Heartbreak
Heartbreak is the universe’s way of teaching you what you won’t tolerate.
I know this sounds counterintuitive, but experiencing at least one significant heartbreak before marriage is valuable. Heartbreak teaches you:
- You can survive loss
- Warning signs you missed before
- What you genuinely need versus what you thought you needed
- How to rebuild yourself
The clarity that comes post-heartbreak makes you a better partner. You know yourself better, you recognize red flags faster, and you don’t settle out of fear of being alone.
FYI, if you’re currently heartbroken, use that pain to grow. Therapy through BetterHelp or Talkspace can help you process the experience productively.
5. Talk About Money With Your Partner
Money conversations reveal values, priorities, and potential deal-breakers.
Before you get engaged, have brutally honest conversations about:
- Current debt and credit scores
- Spending habits and financial priorities
- Saving and investing philosophies
- Career ambitions and income expectations
- How you’ll handle joint finances
I once counseled a woman who discovered after marriage that her husband was deep in gambling debt.
She never asked the hard money questions before the wedding, assuming “love would figure it out.” Spoiler: it didn’t.
Use budgeting apps like YNAB or Mint together before marriage. If you can’t talk about money comfortably, you’re not ready to merge your lives.
6. Keep Yourself Fit
Your health is the foundation everything else is built on.
Physical fitness before marriage isn’t about looking good in a wedding dress. It’s about:
- Establishing healthy habits you’ll maintain for life
- Building physical resilience for the demands ahead
- Creating mental health through exercise
- Modeling wellness for future children Healthy habits to establish:
- Regular exercise (find what you enjoy, not what you “should” do)
- Balanced nutrition without restrictive dieting
- Adequate sleep prioritization
- Stress management practices
- Regular health screenings
Use fitness apps like MyFitnessPal, Peloton, or Nike Training Club to build sustainable routines.
Marriage and kids will make fitness harder, not easier. Build the foundation now.
7. Go On A Solo Trip
Solo travel teaches you that you’re enough on your own.
Take at least one solo trip before marriage, it doesn’t have to be international or expensive. The point is experiencing complete independence.
Solo travel shows you:
- You can handle challenges independently
- You enjoy your own company
- You make good decisions under pressure
- You’re interesting to yourself
Women who’ve never been alone often enter marriage with unhealthy dependency. They need their partner for entertainment, decision-making, and identity. That’s not partnership, that’s co-dependency.
Plan solo trips through Airbnb Experiences or Atlas Obscura for unique adventures.
8. Learn To Cook
Cooking is self-care, not gender performance.
Learn to cook before marriage because:
- It’s a basic adult survival skill
- Home cooking is healthier and cheaper
- It’s a creative outlet
- You’ll teach these skills to your kids
- Cooking together becomes quality time with your partner
You don’t need to be a chef. Master 10-15 solid recipes that cover different meals and occasions. Learn basic techniques that let you improvise when needed.
Use AllRecipes, Tasty, or Bon Appétit for recipes and techniques.
9. Face One Of Your Biggest Fears
Conquering fear builds confidence that transfers to everything else.
Pick one significant fear and face it before marriage:
- Fear of public speaking? Join Toastmasters
- Fear of heights? Go rock climbing or zip-lining
- Fear of water? Take swimming lessons
- Fear of looking foolish? Take improv classes
Facing fears doesn’t eliminate them, it teaches you that you can do hard things anyway. That lesson becomes crucial in marriage when you face challenges together.
10. Figure Out Where You Stand On Having Kids
Kid decisions are dealbreakers, know your answer before you marry.
Get crystal clear on:
- Do you want children? How many?
- What’s your ideal timeline?
- What if you can’t have biological kids?
- How do you feel about adoption or fostering?
- What kind of parent do you want to be?
This conversation must happen before engagement, not after the wedding. Assuming you’ll change your mind or your partner will change theirs destroys marriages.
11. Spend Quality Time With Your Parents
The parent relationship shifts after marriage, strengthen it now.
Before marriage consumes your time and attention, invest deeply in your parent relationships. 🙂 Quality time means:
- Having real conversations beyond small talk
- Learning their stories and perspectives
- Healing old wounds if possible
- Expressing appreciation while you can
- Creating new memories together
Once you’re married, your primary loyalty shifts to your spouse. That’s healthy and necessary, but it means less time and emotional energy for parents. Make the most of this pre-marriage season.
12. Have A Great Support System Of Friends And Family
Your spouse can’t be your everything, you need a village.
Build strong friendships and family connections before marriage because:
- Your partner can’t meet all your emotional needs
- You need people to turn to during marital struggles
- Friends provide perspective and support
- Isolation makes bad marriages worse
Invest in relationships with people who genuinely care about your wellbeing, share your values, and will tell you the truth even when it’s hard.
Maintain these relationships through apps like Marco Polo for video messages or schedule regular hangouts on Google Calendar.
13. Go On A Blind Date
Blind dates push you outside your comfort zone and social circle.
IMO, every woman should experience at least one blind date before marriage. It teaches you: How to handle awkward social situations
- What you’re really looking for in a partner
- How to trust your gut about people
- That you can survive uncomfortable experiences
Even if the date is terrible, you gain experience reading people and trusting your instincts. Those skills matter in marriage too.
14. Create A List Of Four Values Your Partner Must Have
Non-negotiables prevent settling for someone who’s wrong for you.
Identify your four absolute must-haves in a partner. Not preferences like “tall” or “funny”, core values and character traits.
Examples:
- Emotional intelligence and self-awareness
- Strong work ethic and financial responsibility
- Kindness to everyone, especially service workers
- Commitment to personal growth
These become your filter. Someone might be attractive, successful, and fun, but if they don’t have your four non- negotiables, they’re not right for you.
15. Gain Financial Literacy
Money skills determine your options and reduce marital conflict.
Before marriage, master:
- Budgeting and tracking expenses
- Building emergency funds
- Understanding credit and debt
- Basic investing principles
- Retirement planning
- Tax fundamentals
Financial literacy gives you power and choices. You’re not trapped in bad situations because you can’t afford to leave.
You contribute meaningfully to financial decisions instead of deferring to your partner.
Learn through platforms like Khan Academy, Coursera finance courses, or books from Audible like “The Simple Path to Wealth” or “I Will Teach You To Be Rich.”
16. Focus On Self-Love
You can’t love someone else well if you don’t love yourself first.
Self-love before marriage means:
- Knowing your worth isn’t determined by relationship status
- Setting boundaries without guilt
- Prioritizing your needs alongside others’
- Accepting your flaws while working on growth
- Treating yourself with compassion
Self-love isn’t selfish, it’s self-preservation. Women who enter marriage without self-love become doormats, people- pleasers, or martyrs. None of those make good wives.
Practice self-love through therapy, journaling apps like Day One, or self-compassion exercises from Headspace or Calm.
17. Seek Out Teachings On Marriage
Learning from others’ experiences prepares you for reality, not fantasy.
Before you marry, educate yourself about actual marriage:
- Read relationship books
- Take premarital counseling
- Talk to honestly married couples
- Learn about communication and conflict resolution
- Understand common marriage challenges
Great resources include:
Books: “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman Courses: The Gottman Institute programs
Podcasts: Relationship podcasts on Spotify or Apple Podcasts Therapy: Premarital counseling through Psychology Today
Marriage education doesn’t ruin the magic, it prevents avoidable disasters.
18. Nurture Your Hobbies And Passions
You need an identity beyond “wife” to have a fulfilling life.
Develop hobbies and passions before marriage that remain yours:
- Creative outlets (art, writing, music)
- Physical activities (sports, dance, hiking)
- Intellectual pursuits (reading, learning languages)
- Community involvement (volunteering, activism)
These interests:
- Give you joy independent of your relationship
- Make you interesting to yourself and others
- Provide stress relief during hard times
- Model healthy individuality for children
Marriage shouldn’t require you to abandon yourself. Establish these passions now so they’re part of your life when you marry, not something you “used to do before.”
Why These Experiences Matter
Women who do these things before marriage enter partnerships from strength, not desperation.
The difference is profound:
Women who skip these steps:
- Look to their husband to complete them
- Have few resources when marriage gets hard
- Feel trapped by lack of skills or confidence
- Lose themselves in the role of wife and mother
- Resent missed experiences and opportunities
Women who do this pre-marriage work:
- Choose partners from a place of genuine desire, not need
- Handle challenges with confidence and capability
- Maintain their identity within marriage
- Model strength and wholeness for children
- Build partnerships, not dependencies
Marriage works better when both people are whole before they come together.
You can’t fix yourself through marriage, you can only bring your best self into it.
Your Pre-Marriage Action Plan
Don’t rush to the altar without building yourself first.
When you’re single:
- Work through this list systematically
- Don’t date seriously until you’ve handled the foundational items
- Use this time to become someone you’re proud to be
- Build the life you want, then find someone who fits into it
If you’re dating:
- Have honest conversations about these topics
- Do some of these experiences together
- Assess whether your relationship enhances or limits your growth
- Don’t get engaged until you’ve addressed the critical items
If you’re engaged:
- Prioritize items you haven’t completed before the wedding
- Consider postponing if major gaps exist
- Use engagement for growth, not just party planning
- Get premarital counseling regardless of how “ready” you feel
Final Thoughts
These experiences don’t delay marriage they prepare you for it. They transform you from someone looking for a husband to complete them into someone choosing a partner to share their already-full life with.
Which of these experiences will you prioritize? Start with the one that scares you most, that’s usually the one you need most.
