Congratulations! You just said “I do” and you’re riding that newlywed high where everything feels magical and perfect.
But let me be real with you for a second, nobody tells you that the honeymoon phase eventually gives way to figuring out whose turn it is to take out the trash.
(spoiler alert: this will become a bigger deal than you think).
After years of helping couples work through everything from communication issues to major conflicts, I’ve seen that successful couples aren’t perfect they’re just prepared.
So grab your partner (or just your coffee, no judgment), and let’s talk about the 14 essential things every newly married couple needs to know.
Think of this as your unofficial marriage manual, minus all the boring stuff nobody actually does anyway.
14 Essential Things Every Newly Married Couple Needs To Know
Real talk: the first year of marriage can feel like you’re assembling IKEA furniture without instructions while blindfolded.
You think you know what you’re doing until suddenly you’re arguing about how to fold fitted sheets or whose family to spend holidays with.
But here’s the good news, most marriage problems aren’t unique.
I’ve heard the same issues from countless couples, and the solutions. They’re surprisingly straightforward once you know what you’re dealing with.
These 14 essentials aren’t just nice-to-know tips. They’re the difference between couples who celebrate their 50th anniversary and couples who can barely make it past year five. Let’s get into it.
1. Communication Is Key
I know, I know, you’ve heard these one a million times. But hear me out because most people think they’re communicating when they’re really just talking at each other.
Communication is the foundation of literally everything in your marriage. It’s not just about discussing who’s picking up dinner tonight.
It’s about sharing your fears, dreams, frustrations, and everything in between.
Here’s what real communication looks like:
- Expressing needs before they turn into resentments
- Discussing tough topics instead of avoiding them
- Sharing appreciation for the little things
- Being honest about your feelings (even the uncomfortable ones)
- Actually listening instead of planning your response
The couples I work with who communicate well don’t fight less, they fight better.
They resolve conflicts instead of just sweeping them under the rug.
And FYI, communication isn’t just words. Your tone, body language, and timing all matter.
Bringing up a serious topic when your partner just got home from a stressful day?
Yeah, that’s a recipe for disaster.
Want to improve communication? Try apps like Lasting for daily conversation starters or Couple for shared messaging.
2. Patience Is Essential
Here’s something nobody warns you about: your adorable quirks will eventually become their annoying habits. And vice versa. That’s just marriage, baby!
You came from different families, different backgrounds, different ways of doing literally everything.
He might squeeze the toothpaste from the middle (monster!), and you might leave dishes in the sink overnight (equally monstrous!).
Patience means giving each other grace while you figure out how to merge two separate lives into one shared existence.
It’s understanding that change takes time and nobody’s perfect.
I had one couple who nearly divorced over how to load the dishwasher. Seriously.
But when they practiced patience and stopped trying to “fix” each other, they realized it wasn’t about the dishes, it was about feeling heard and respected.
Give yourselves at least a year to adjust. The first year is basically one long negotiation about how you’ll do life together. Be patient with the process and with each other.
3. Finances Require Teamwork
Money fights are the number one predictor of divorce. Not lack of communication, not intimacy issues, money. Let that sink in.
You need to talk about finances early and often. I’m talking about:
- How much debt each of you has
- Your attitudes about spending and saving
- Who’s paying what bills
- Short-term and long-term financial goals
- How you’ll handle unexpected expenses
I’ve seen marriages implode because one person was secretly racking up credit card debt while the other thought they were on track for their savings goals.
Financial infidelity is real and it’s devastating.
Here’s my advice: have a monthly money date. Go over your budget, discuss upcoming expenses, celebrate financial wins.
Make it routine so it’s not scary or confrontational.
Use budgeting apps like YNAB (You Need A Budget) or Mint to track finances together.
4. Compromise Is Necessary
Marriage is basically a lifetime of compromises. Who knew, right? But here’s the thing, compromise doesn’t mean you lose. It means you both win something different than what you originally wanted.
You can’t always get your way. If you’re getting your way 100% of the time, your partner is probably miserable (or they’ve completely checked out, which is worse).
Compromise looks like:
- Meeting each other halfway on decisions
- Taking turns choosing activities or plans
- Finding creative solutions that work for both of you
- Letting go of needing to be right all the time
I had one couple who fought constantly about holidays. She wanted to visit her family; he wanted to visit his.
The compromise? They alternated years and started a new tradition of just the two of them on minor holidays. Problem solved.
5. Maintain Individuality
Here’s a truth bomb: losing yourself in your marriage is the fastest way to resent your partner. You need to maintain your own identity, interests, and friendships.
Marriage is about two whole people choosing to share their lives, not about becoming one person or abandoning everything that made you, well, you.
Keep:
- Your hobbies and interests
- Your friendships (yes, even the single friends)
- Your goals and dreams
- Your alone time to recharge
- Your individual growth and development
I can’t tell you how many women I’ve counseled who gave up everything for their marriage, only to wake up five years later wondering who they even are anymore.
Don’t do that to yourself. Your partner fell in love with you for a reason.
Stay the person they fell in love with while also growing into the person you want to become.
6. Support Each Other’s Goals
Your partner’s dreams matter just as much as yours do. Period. End of story.
This isn’t negotiable if you want a healthy marriage.
Maybe he wants to start a business, she wants to go back to school. Maybe one of you wants to change careers entirely.
Your job is to be their biggest cheerleader, not their biggest obstacle.
Supporting goals means:
- Listening without immediately pointing out problems
- Encouraging them during tough moments
- Making sacrifices when necessary for their success
- Celebrating wins like they’re your own
- Helping practically when you can
IMO, nothing kills love faster than feeling like your partner doesn’t believe in you.
When you support each other’s goals, you’re building a team that can accomplish anything.
Set and track goals together using Trello for visual organization or Asana for collaborative planning.
7. Respect Is Non-Negotiable
Love without respect? That’s just attachment. Respect is what transforms a relationship into a true partnership.
Respect means:
- Valuing their opinions even when you disagree
- Speaking kindly even during arguments
- Honoring boundaries they’ve communicated
- Never belittling them (especially in public)
- Treating them as an equal in all decisions
I worked with one couple where the wife constantly made fun of her husband in front of friends. She thought it was harmless teasing.
He felt humiliated and diminished. That’s not love, that’s cruelty disguised as humor.
You can disagree respectfully, can be frustrated respectfully. You can even argue respectfully.
The moment respect leaves the building, your marriage is in serious trouble.
8. Express Gratitude Regularly
When’s the last time you thanked your spouse for something they do regularly?
Like taking out the trash, making dinner, or going to work every day?
We get so caught up in what our partners aren’t doing that we completely forget to appreciate what they are doing.
This creates a negativity spiral where both people feel unappreciated and unloved.
Make gratitude a daily practice:
- Thank them specifically for things they did
- Acknowledge their efforts even if results weren’t perfect
- Express appreciation publicly (brag about them to others)
- Notice the small stuff they do to make your life easier
- Write thank you notes for no reason at all
Gratitude literally rewires your brain to notice positive things instead of fixating on negative ones. It’s relationship magic, seriously.
Start a gratitude practice with apps like Grateful or Presently to track daily appreciation.
9. Share Household Responsibilities
Nothing, and I mean nothing, breeds resentment faster than feeling like you’re doing all the housework while your partner lounges around.
The mental load of managing a household is exhausting. And typically, one person (let’s be honest, usually the woman) ends up carrying most of it.
Have an honest conversation about:
- Who does what chores (and actually stick to it)
- The mental load of planning, organizing, and remembering
- What “clean” means to each of you (this varies wildly!)
- Hiring help if you can afford it
- Adjusting responsibilities as life changes
I had one client who was on the verge of leaving because her husband “never helped.” Turns out, he thought he was helping plenty.
They just had completely different standards and expectations that they’d never actually discussed.
10. Be Open About Expectations
Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments. Let me repeat that because it’s so important: unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.
You can’t expect your partner to read your mind. If you want something, need something, or expect something, you have to actually say it out loud. With words.
Using your mouth. Discuss expectations about:
- Division of labor in the home
- Financial management and spending
- Frequency of intimacy and what that looks like
- Time with friends and alone time
- Family involvement and boundaries
- Career priorities and sacrifices
- Future plans for kids, homes, lifestyle
The couples who struggle most are often the ones who assumed they were on the same page without ever actually checking. Don’t be those people.
11. Prioritize Quality Time Together
Life gets busy. I get it. Between work, household responsibilities, social obligations, and everything else, it’s shockingly easy to end up like roommates who occasionally have s#x.
Quality time isn’t just being in the same room while you both scroll your phones.
It’s intentional, focused time where you’re actually connecting with each other.
Make time for:
- Weekly date nights (doesn’t have to be expensive or out)
- Daily check-ins without distractions
- Meaningful conversations about more than logistics
- Fun activities you both enjoy
- Weekend getaways when possible
I recommend at least 15 minutes of phone-free conversation every single day.
Just you two, talking about your lives, your feelings, your dreams.
That small investment pays massive dividends.
Find local date activities on Eventbrite or use The Adventure Challenge for creative ideas.
12. Practice Forgiveness
Your partner will hurt you. You will hurt your partner. This is guaranteed. The question isn’t if you’ll mess up, it’s how you’ll handle it when you do.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean:
- What they did was okay
- You have to forget it happened
- You can’t set boundaries going forward
- You’re weak or a doormat
Forgiveness means you’re releasing the grip that grudge has on your heart. You’re choosing to move forward instead of staying stuck in past pain.
Some hurts are bigger than others. Some require professional help to work through. But holding onto every minor transgression will poison your marriage from the inside out.
Learn to let go of small stuff. Communicate about big stuff. And always, always be willing to repair after conflicts.
Need help processing hurt? Consider therapy through BetterHelp or Talkspace for accessible counseling.
13. Keep Intimacy Alive
Intimacy is what separates your marriage from all your other relationships. Without it, you’re basically glorified roommates with shared finances.
And I’m not just talking about sex (though that’s obviously important). Intimacy includes physical affection, emotional vulnerability, and deep connection on all levels.
Keep intimacy alive by:
- Prioritizing physical touch daily (hugs, kisses, holding hands)
- Being emotionally vulnerable with each other
- Making sex a priority even when you’re tired
- Flirting with each other regularly
- Trying new things together
- Staying playful and fun
Life will try to kill your intimacy. Kids, stress, exhaustion, routine, they all conspire against closeness.
You have to actively fight to maintain it.
For intimacy guidance, read “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski or explore resources on AASECT.
14. Set Boundaries With Extended Family
Oh boy, this is a big one. Your families will have opinions about your marriage, and some of those opinions will be terrible.
Your marriage comes first. Not your mom, not his dad, not anybody else. You’re building your own family unit now, and that requires boundaries.
Set boundaries around:
- How often you visit or host family
- Unsolicited advice about your relationship
- Financial matters (especially loans or gifts)
- Parenting decisions (if/when you have kids)
- Holiday celebrations and traditions
- What information you share about your marriage
I’ve seen so many marriages struggle because one person can’t set boundaries with their family.
Your loyalty is to your spouse now, not your parents. This doesn’t mean abandoning your family, it means prioritizing your marriage.
Present a united front always. Discuss boundary decisions together, then support each other when enforcing them 🙂
Final Thoughts
Look, marriage isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. Some days you’ll wonder what you got yourself into. Some days you’ll be so annoyed with your partner that you fantasize about living alone on a desert island.
That’s all normal. That’s all part of the journey.
The couples who make it aren’t the ones who never struggle, they’re the ones who struggle together and come out stronger on the other side. They’re the ones who remember these essentials and keep showing up for each other, even when it’s hard.
You’re not going to get all of this right immediately. You’ll forget to communicate, you’ll lose patience. You’ll mess up boundaries. That’s okay. Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint.
Start with one or two things from this list and build from there. Maybe this week you focus on expressing more gratitude. Next month you tackle the finances conversation. Small, consistent improvements create massive change over time.
For ongoing support, try marriage enrichment apps like Relish for personalized coaching or Happy Couple for daily questions.
The fact that you’re here, reading this, looking for ways to build a stronger marriage? That tells me everything I need to know about your commitment. Most people don’t do this work. They just coast and hope for the best.
You’re different. You’re being proactive. And that’s exactly the mindset that builds marriages that last.
So here’s to your journey together, the messy, beautiful, frustrating, amazing adventure that is marriage.
You’ve got this. And on the days when you feel like you don’t? Come back to this list and remember: you’re not alone, and you have all the tools you need.
Now go talk to your spouse. Put your phone down, look them in the eye, and tell them one thing you appreciate about them. Start building those habits now, while everything still feels new and exciting. Your future selves, the ones celebrating decade after decade together, will thank you for it.
