I’ve spent over a decade as a relationship coach helping women decode the confusing world of modern dating, and honestly? The number of brilliant, amazing women who come to my office asking, But does he really like me?” breaks my heart every single time.
You know that feeling when you’re constantly checking your phone, overanalyzing every text, and wondering if that three-day silence means he’s busy or just… not that interested? Yeah, I’ve been there too.
We all have. But here’s the thing: your gut is probably telling you something important, and it’s time we listened to it.
As someone who’s guided thousands of singles through the messy maze of modern romance, I’m going to give you the straight truth about recognizing when a guy just isn’t feeling it.
No sugar coating, no false hope, just real talk from someone who’s seen it all.
Ready? Let’s dive in. (And yes, I know this might sting a little, but trust me: you deserve so much better than sitting around wondering.)
20 Signs He’s Not Into You
1. He Doesn’t Call Or Text You Anymore
Remember when your phone used to buzz constantly with his messages? When will good morning texts be as reliable as your coffee addiction? If those days feel like ancient history, you’ve spotted your first red flag.
Here’s what I’ve noticed in my practice: when a man is genuinely interested, communication flows naturally. He wants to share his day with you, ask about yours, and stay connected even during busy periods. But when interest fades? The texts become sporadic, surface-level, or disappear entirely.
I had a client, Sarah, who used to get 15 to 20 texts a day from her guy. Then it dropped to five. Then two. Eventually, she was the only one initiating conversation.
That shift didn’t happen because he suddenly became the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. It happened because his priorities changed.
2. He Hardly Returns Your Calls
This one hit different, doesn’t it? You call, it goes to voicemail, and then… crickets. Maybe he texts back hours later with “sorry, missed your call,” but never actually calls back.
A man who’s into you will find time to return your calls, even if it’s just for five minutes between meetings.
I’ve seen guys call their girlfriends from bathroom breaks at work because they missed hearing their voice. That’s the energy you deserve.
Pay attention to the pattern. Everyone gets genuinely busy sometimes, but consistently unreturned calls. That’s not about his schedule. It’s about his interest level.
3. Watch How He Behaves Around You
Body language doesn’t lie, and after years of couples therapy, I can spot discomfort from across the room. When a man is losing interest, his entire demeanor shifts around you.
Does he seem restless when you’re together? Always checking his phone? Avoiding eye contact? Creating physical distance even when you’re sitting next to each other? These are all signs that your presence has become more obligation than a joy for him.
I remember one session where a woman described how her boyfriend used to light up when she walked into a room. Lately, he barely looked up from his phone. The contrast was heartbreaking but telling.
Decreased physical affection, minimal eye contact, and that general sense that he’d rather be anywhere else.
4. You No Longer Go Out Alone Like You Used To
Group dates suddenly became his preference? He always wants to bring friends along or suggests meeting up when others will be around. This isn’t about being social. It’s about avoiding intimacy.
When a man wants to be with you, he craves on one time. Those deep conversations over dinner, quiet walks where you can really connect, lazy Sunday mornings just the two of you: these become precious to him. If he’s consistently avoiding solo time together, he’s avoiding the relationship itself.
One of my clients noticed her boyfriend always suggested double dates or group activities.
When she asked for just the two of them to hang out, he’d make excuses or invite others anyway. That’s not a coincidence. That’s avoidance.
5. When You Are No Longer A Priority
This one stings because it’s so obvious once you see it. You used to be penciled into his calendar in permanent ink. Now? You’re written in disappearing ink, easily erased for literally anything else.
Work happy hour, hanging with the guys, even just staying home to binge-watch Netflix – everything seems to rank higher than spending time with you. You find yourself fitting into the leftover scraps of his schedule, if at all.
A man who’s into you will move mountains (or at least reschedule less important plans) to see you. If you’re constantly coming in last place, that’s your answer right there.
6. When Your Man Begins To Cancel Plans
“Something came up.” “I’m not feeling well.” “Work got crazy.” Sound familiar?
Everyone cancels occasionally – life happens. But when cancellations become his default setting, especially last-minute ones, you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t value your time or the relationship.
I’ve noticed that men who are losing interest often cancel but rarely suggest alternative plans. They’re relieved to have an out, not disappointed about missing time with you. That difference is crucial.
Key insight: Notice whether he immediately suggests rescheduling when he cancels. Interested men don’t just cancel – they actively work to make new plans.
7. He’s Not Interested In What You Do
Remember when he used to ask about your day, your goals, your dreams? When he’d remember that important presentation you were nervous about and follow up to see how it went?
If those days are over and conversations have become surface-level small talk, his emotional investment has checked out. Men who care about you care about your life – all of it, not just the parts that directly affect them.
I worked with a woman whose boyfriend used to be fascinated by her art career. He’d ask about her latest pieces, attend her gallery showings, and brag about her talent to friends.
When he stopped asking about her work entirely, she knew something had shifted long before he admitted it.
8. He Is Not Interested In Your Opinion
Does he still value what you think, or do your words seem to go in one ear and out the other? When decisions need to be made, does he consult you or just inform you after the fact?
A man who’s into you wants to know your thoughts on everything from where to grab dinner to major life decisions. Your opinion matters to him because you matter to him.
Warning sign: If you feel like you’re talking to a wall or he dismisses your input regularly, his respect for you (and attraction to you) has diminished significantly.
9. He Begins To Hide Things From You
Transparency is the hallmark of a healthy relationship. When someone starts becoming secretive about their phone, their plans, or their feelings, alarm bells should be ringing.
I’m not talking about needing space or privacy that’s normal and healthy. I’m talking about deliberately concealing things that used to be open topics. Password-protecting devices that were previously accessible, being vague about weekend plans, or dodging questions about his day.
Secrecy breeds insecurity, and if he’s creating walls where there used to be windows, something has definitely changed.
10. You Notice He’s Beginning To Lie To You
This is where things get really uncomfortable, but we need to address it. Small lies, white lies, lies by omission – they all point to the same thing: he’s creating distance and protecting himself from something.
Maybe he said he was working late, but you saw his location at a bar on social media. Perhaps he claimed he was too tired to see you, but posted Instagram stories of himself out with friends. These inconsistencies aren’t accidents.
From my therapeutic background, I can tell you that people typically lie in relationships for two reasons: to avoid conflict or to protect something they don’t want to lose (which isn’t always the relationship itself).
11. He Suddenly Becomes Friends With Lots Of Ladies Compared To When You First Met
Oh, honey. If his female friendships have multiplied faster than your concerns about them, pay attention to that instinct.
I’m not saying men can’t have female friends. They absolutely can and should. But when someone who previously had a normal social circle suddenly has a roster of new female “friends” he’s constantly texting and hanging out with? That’s keeping his options open, plain and simple.
You might notice this pattern on dating apps like Bumble or Hinge, where he’s still active, or through social media interactions that seem too frequent and flirty.
Find New names constantly popping up in conversation, secretive texting, or defensive reactions when you ask about these friendships.
12. He Begins To Avoid You
The man who used to want to spend every free moment with you now seems to have a million reasons why he can’t see you. Work projects, family obligations, gym sessions, guy time the excuses pile up like laundry.
Avoidance is one of the most painful signs because it’s so obvious yet so hard to confront. No one wants to admit their partner is actively trying to spend less time with them.
I’ve seen this pattern countless times: the slow fade disguised as a busy life. But busy people make time for what matters to them. Period.
13. When He Suddenly Wants Your Relationship to Be Secret
If he’s asking you to keep things “between us” when you previously had a normal, open relationship, that’s a massive red flag waving in hurricane-force winds.
Healthy relationships thrive in the light. When someone wants to hide what you have together, it’s usually because they’re protecting something else another relationship, their reputation, or their ability to pursue other options.
But in Reality, you should never have to hide being with someone who claims to care about you. Ever.
14. He Doesn’t Make Plans to Be with You
Future planning is hope in action. When a man is invested in you, he naturally thinks ahead next weekend’s plans, that concert next month, the vacation you talked about.
If your relationship has become a series of last-minute hangouts with no forward momentum, he’s living in the moment because he doesn’t see a future.
That spontaneity you might mistake for romance. It could actually be a lack of investment.
I always tell my clients: observe whether he includes you in his plans or just his immediate availability.
15. He Doesn’t Care Anymore
This might be the most heartbreaking sign of all. The man who used to remember your coffee order, ask about your sick mom, and notice when you got a haircut now seems oblivious to… well, you.
When someone stops caring about the little things that make you who you are, they’ve emotionally checked out of the relationship. It’s like you’ve become background noise in his life instead of the main event.
If you’re questioning whether you’re overthinking things, apps like Jour can help you track patterns in your relationship and gain clarity on your feelings.
Know these Caring is a choice, and when someone stops choosing to care about you, that says everything about where their heart is.
16. He Has Stopped Putting effort Into The Relationship
Remember when he planned thoughtful dates? Surprised you with your favorite flowers? Made an effort to look good for you? If those gestures have disappeared and been replaced with Netflix-and-minimal-effort, his investment level has tanked.
Relationships require ongoing effort from both people. When one person stops trying to court the other, the relationship starts dying. It’s that simple and that devastating.
Effort is love in action. No effort equals no love, regardless of what words might say.
17. He Doesn’t Seem Jealous Of Your Male Friends Anymore
Now, I’m not advocating for toxic jealousy – that’s unhealthy and controlling. But a complete lack of reaction when other men show interest in you? That suggests he’s not emotionally invested enough to feel protective or concerned.
When a man is into you, he notices when others are attracted to you because you matter to him. He might not act possessively, but there’s usually some level of awareness and mild protective instinct.
If he’s completely unbothered by other men’s attention toward you, it might be because he’s already mentally moved on.
18. He Does Not Appreciate Things You Do For Him
Your thoughtful gestures used to make his day. Now they barely register a “thanks.” The homemade cookies, the surprise lunch delivery, the way you remembered his important meeting – none of it seems to matter anymore.
When someone stops appreciating your efforts, they’ve stopped seeing your value. It’s like you’ve become expected rather than cherished, taken for granted rather than treasured.
This shift from gratitude to indifference is one of the clearest indicators that his feelings have changed.
19. He Refuses Lovemaking
Physical intimacy is often the first casualty when emotional connection dies. If he’s consistently turning down intimate moments or seems disconnected during them, his heart has left the building.
I’m not just talking about frequency here – I’m talking about presence. Is he emotionally available during intimate moments, or does it feel mechanical?
Sometimes this can indicate other issues like stress or health problems, but combined with other signs on this list, it usually points to decreased interest.
Final Words
Look, I get it. Reading through this list probably felt like getting punched in the gut repeatedly. Maybe you recognized your situation in multiple points, and right now you’re feeling that familiar ache in your chest.
Ask him directly about where he sees the relationship going. Don’t hint or hope he’ll bring it up; be direct. His response (or lack thereof) will tell you everything.
Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for ourselves is walk away from something that’s only half-working. Your future self will thank you for having the courage to choose better.
Now go reclaim your power, gorgeous. You’ve got this. 🙂
