Look, I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you. If you clicked on this article, chances are your
marriage feels more like roommates sharing a Netflix password than two people madly in love. And honestly? That’s totally normal, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.
After spending over a decade helping couples rediscover their spark (and trust me, I’ve seen some interesting situations), I’ve learned that marriage intimacy isn’t something that just happens. It’s
like a garden, ignore it, and you’ll end up with weeds. But give it the right attention? Magic happens.
The thing is, most couples wait until they’re practically strangers before they realize they need help. Don’t be those people. Whether you’re newlyweds or you’ve been together since flip phones were cool, these marriage intimacy exercises will transform your relationship from “meh” to “where has this been all my life?” 🙂
What Is Intimacy In Marriage?
Here’s what intimacy really means, and no, I’m not just talking about what happens behind closed doors (though that’s part of it).
Real intimacy is when you can be completely yourself with another person and they still choose you every single day. It’s knowing your partner’s coffee order, their weird fears, and exactly what
face they make when they’re pretending to listen to your work stories.
Intimacy has layers, like an emotional onion (but way less tears, hopefully):
Emotional intimacy: Sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings
Physical intimacy: Touch, hugs, kisses, and yes, sex
Mental intimacy: Connecting intellectually and sharing ideas
Spiritual intimacy: Sharing beliefs and values
When I work with couples, I often find that they’ve accidentally let one or more of these areas go dormant. The good news? You can absolutely wake them back up.
How Important Is Intimacy In Marriage
Let me tell you about Sarah and Mike (names changed, obvs). They came to me after 12 years of marriage, both convinced they’d “fallen out of love.” Here’s the kicker, they hadn’t. They’d just stopped doing the things that created intimacy in the first place.
Intimacy is literally the difference between a marriage that thrives and one that merely survives. Think of it as the Wi-Fi of relationships, when it’s strong, everything works smoothly. When it’s weak or missing? Everything becomes frustrating and disconnected.
Research shows that couples with strong intimacy have:
- Better communication
- Lower stress levels
- Increased relationship satisfaction
- Better physical health
- Stronger conflict resolution skills
Without intimacy, even small disagreements feel massive because you don’t have that emotional buffer zone protecting your relationship.
10 Marriage Intimacy Exercises For Couples To Connect Deeply
Ready to transform your marriage? These aren’t your typical “light some candles” suggestions. These are real, practical exercises that work, I’ve seen them save marriages that were on life support.
1. Make Out An Appreciation Time
This one’s so simple, you might roll your eyes. But hear me out.
Set a timer for 5 minutes every day and take turns telling each other what you appreciated about them that day. Not generic stuff like “you’re nice”, get specific. “I loved how you made coffee without me asking” or “The way you handled that difficult call showed real strength.”
Here’s why this works: Your brain literally rewires itself to look for good things about your partner when you know you’ll need to share them later. It’s like switching from a complaints department to a gratitude department.
I started doing this with my own partner after a particularly rough patch (we were basically experts at finding fault with each other). Within two weeks, we were both actively looking for reasons to appreciate each other. The atmosphere at home completely shifted.
Pro tip: Write these appreciations down occasionally. Trust me, you’ll want to read them during tough times.
2. Talk About Your Day 30 Minutes Before Bedtime
This isn’t your regular “how was work?” conversation. This is intentional, phones-away, actually- looking-at-each-other time.
Here’s the structure that works:
- 10 minutes: Share the highlight of your day
- 10 minutes: Share something that challenged you
- 10 minutes: Talk about tomorrow or just random thoughts
The magic happens in those random thoughts. That’s where you discover your partner is worried about their mom’s health or excited about a new project idea. These conversations build emotional intimacy like nothing else.
One couple I worked with discovered they’d been living parallel lives, same house, completely different worlds. After implementing bedtime talks, they realized how much they’d been missing about each other’s inner life.
3. Resolve Your Issues Before Going To Bed
Okay, I know what you’re thinking, “But what if it’s a huge fight?” Look, I’m not suggesting you solve world hunger before bedtime. But you can definitely agree on a plan for addressing the issue.
Even something as simple as “We’re both too tired to think clearly right now, but let’s talk about this tomorrow at 7 PM” works. The key is that you’re both committed to resolution, not just sweeping things under the rug.
Here’s what I tell couples: Resentment is intimacy’s kryptonite. Every unresolved issue creates a tiny wall between you. Enough tiny walls, and suddenly you can’t reach each other anymore.
The “don’t go to bed angry” rule isn’t about forcing happy feelings, it’s about not letting negative emotions marinate overnight and turn into something bigger.
4. Go On A Date At Least Once A Week
“But we’re married! We see each other every day!”
Yeah, well, you also see your mail carrier regularly, but I bet you don’t know their hopes and dreams. Seeing someone and actually connecting with them are two very different things.
Date nights force you to be intentional about enjoying each other’s company. At home, you’re distracted by laundry, bills, that weird noise the dishwasher makes. Out on a date, it’s just you two. And before you say you can’t afford it, some of the best dates cost nothing:
- Hiking trail with coffee afterward
- Picnic in the park
- Free museum days
- Walking through different neighborhoods
- Stargazing (seriously underrated!)
The point isn’t spending money; it’s changing your environment so you can see each other differently.
5. Ask Intimate Questions
This is where most couples get lazy. After you’ve been together a while, you stop being curious about each other. Big mistake.
People change. The person you married five years ago has grown, developed new thoughts, maybe shifted some priorities. When was the last time you discovered something new about them?
Try these conversation starters:
- “What’s something you’ve been thinking about lately that you haven’t shared with me?”
- “If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be?”
- “What’s a dream you’ve never told anyone about?”
- “What makes you feel most loved by me?”
Warning: These questions can lead to some pretty deep conversations. Clear your calendar and be ready to really listen.
6. Engage In Extra-Long Cuddles
I’m talking 15-20 minute cuddles, not the quick squeeze before you roll over to check Instagram. Extended physical touch releases oxytocin, literally called the “bonding hormone.” It’s the same chemical that helps mothers’ bond with babies, and it works wonders for married couples too.
Here’s the thing though, this only works if both people are actually present. No phones, no TV, no mental grocery lists. Just skin-to-skin contact and maybe some quiet conversation.
One client told me she thought her husband had lost interest in physical affection. Turns out, he was just as touch-starved as she was, they’d just gotten into a pattern of brief, distracted contact. Adding intentional cuddle time brought back that physical intimacy they’d been missing.
7. Take Long Walks Or Long Hugs
There’s something magical about side-by-side activities for building intimacy. When you’re walking together, you’re literally moving in the same direction, which creates a sense of partnership.
Walking conversations hit different than sitting-down conversations. Maybe it’s the rhythm, maybe it’s being outdoors, but people tend to open up more when they’re moving.
As for long hugs, we’re talking 30 seconds minimum. Most couples hug for maybe 3 seconds, which is basically just a greeting. A real hug, where you actually sink into each other? That’s intimacy gold.
Research shows that hugs lasting 20+ seconds can actually lower blood pressure and reduce stress hormones. So you’re literally healing each other with extended hugs. How cool is that?
8. Engage In Breathing Exercises Together
Before you skip this thinking it’s too “woo-woo”, just try it once. I was skeptical too until I saw how powerful synchronized breathing can be.
Simple version: Sit facing each other, close your eyes, and breathe in sync for 5 minutes. Match your partner’s rhythm, or count together, in for 4, out for 6.
Why this works: When you synchronize your breathing with someone, your nervous systems literally start to sync up too. You’re regulating each other’s stress responses, which creates this incredible sense of connection and calm.
I’ve had couples tell me this exercise helped them through major stressful periods, job loss, family illness, parenting challenges. It’s like hitting a reset button for your nervous systems together.
9. Get Each Other Gifts
Hold up, I don’t mean expensive jewelry or gadgets. The best intimacy-building gifts are thoughtful, not costly.
Examples:
- Their favorite candy bar, just because
- A book by an author they mentioned
- A playlist of songs that remind you of them
- Their coffee order delivered unexpectedly
- A handwritten note in their lunch
The gift itself isn’t the point, it’s the message behind it: “I was thinking about you when you weren’t around, and I wanted to make you smile.”
One husband I worked with started leaving sticky note compliments on his wife’s bathroom mirror. Cost: $2 for a pack of sticky notes. Impact: She kept every single note and said it made her feel cherished every morning.
10. Take Up One Of Your Partner’s Responsibilities
This is about lightening their load, not proving how awesome you are. Pick something your partner typically handles and just… do it. Without being asked. Without expecting praise.
Maybe they always handle dinner on Wednesdays, surprise them by having it ready. Or they usually deal with the bills, take that off their plate for a month.
The message this sends: “Your well-being matters to me, and I want to make your life easier.” That’s intimacy in action.
Just don’t pick something you’ll resent doing, and don’t expect your partner to be grateful in exactly the way you imagine. Do it as a genuine gift, not a transaction.
Marriage Intimacy Exercises For Long Distance Couples
Long-distance marriage is hard. I won’t lie to you. But it’s not impossible, and in some ways, it can actually strengthen intimacy because you have to be so intentional about it.
1. Keep Sharing With Each Other
In person, you share life naturally, your partner sees your mood when you come home, notices when you’re stressed, picks up on little changes. Long distance, you have to verbally paint the picture of your daily experience.
Don’t just share the highlights. Share the mundane stuff too, the weird conversation with your coworker, the song that got stuck in your head, the random thought you had during lunch. This creates emotional intimacy even across miles.
I tell long-distance couples: “Overshare rather than undershare.” Your partner can’t read your mind from across the country.
2. Send Photos
Not just selfies (though those are nice too). Send photos of what you’re seeing, eating, doing. Let your partner see your world through your eyes.
Photo ideas:
- Your morning coffee setup
- Sunset from your commute
- Funny things you see throughout the day
- Your workspace
- What you’re cooking for dinner
This helps your partner feel present in your daily life, even when they’re not physically there.
3. Video Chat Daily
Text is great, voice calls are better, but video chat is essential. Seeing facial expressions, body language, the space your partner is in, all of this creates connection.
Don’t just video chat when you have something important to discuss. Have casual video calls while you’re both doing other things, cooking, cleaning, just hanging out. It mimics the natural togetherness of sharing space.
FYI, some apps like Marco Polo let you send video messages back and forth when live timing doesn’t work.
4. Make Your Partner Your Number-One Person
This is crucial for long-distance relationships. When something happens, good or bad, your partner should be the first person you want to tell.
Not your best friend, not your mom, not your coworker. Your spouse gets first dibs on your news, your excitement, your frustrations, your random observations.
This keeps them in the center of your emotional world, even when they’re not physically present.
5. Put In The Effort
Long-distance marriage requires double the intentionality of regular marriage. You can’t rely on physical presence to create intimacy, you have to actively build it through words, actions, and consistent connection.
This means:
- Keeping your promises (if you say you’ll call, call)
- Being present during your conversations (not half-listening while scrolling)
- Creating shared experiences when possible
- Being patient with technology glitches and time zone challenges
It’s exhausting sometimes, but the alternative is drifting apart. Choose your hard.
6. Be Willing To Learn, Stretch And Adjust
Long-distance marriage will teach you new ways to love someone. You’ll discover love languages you didn’t know existed, find creative ways to show affection, and learn to communicate more clearly than ever before.
Embrace the learning curve. What worked when you lived together might not work long-distance, and that’s okay. Be willing to experiment with new ways of connecting.
Some couples discover they’re actually better at deep conversation long-distance because there are fewer distractions. Others find creative ways to share meals or watch movies together online. Stay open to what your unique situation can teach you.
Final Thoughts
Start with one or two exercises that feel most doable for your situation. Do them for two weeks consistently before adding anything else. Small, consistent actions beat grand gestures every time.
And remember, intimacy isn’t a destination, it’s a practice. There’s no “fixing” your marriage once and being done. It’s about showing up for each other, day after day, in small and meaningful ways.
The couples I work with who see the biggest transformations aren’t the ones who make dramatic changes overnight. They’re the ones who commit to tiny, consistent acts of love and connection. They choose intimacy, again and again, until it becomes second nature.
Now stop reading and go appreciate something specific about your partner. Trust me on this one, your future self will thank you.
