Want to know the real secret to a lasting marriage? The best way to find out is to ask couples who’ve actually done it.
While there’s no single piece of advice that fits every couple, experience shows that certain timeless principles can make any marriage stronger.
Just like any meaningful journey, marriage is filled with highs and lows and it’s always wise to learn from those who have already traveled that road.
Couples who’ve been married for decades have weathered storms, celebrated victories, and discovered what truly keeps love alive.
In this post, we’ll explore the best marriage advice shared by these long-lasting couple’s insights that can help you build a relationship that stands the test of time.
17 Best Marriage Advice From Couples Married For Decades
These aren’t trendy relationship tips or Instagram-worthy quotes. This is practical wisdom from people who’ve built marriages that lasted.
1. Communicate Openly And Honestly
Every long-married couple says the same thing: communication makes or breaks marriage.
But here’s what they mean by communication, not just talking about schedules and bills.
In one of my counseling sessions, I worked with a couple who had been married for 22 years.
They loved each other deeply, but resentment had quietly built up because they rarely talked about what really bothered them.
When they started practicing open communication sharing emotions instead of bottling them up the shift was immediate.
The husband later told me, “It feels like we fell in love again, just by learning to talk differently.”
Real communication means sharing fears, expressing needs, admitting when you’re wrong, and creating space where both partners feel safe being honest.
Effective communication includes:
- Speaking up about issues before they explode
- Listening to understand, not to win arguments
- Expressing feelings without attacking character
- Asking for what you need instead of expecting mind-reading
- Being vulnerable even when it’s uncomfortable
FYI, communication apps like Lasting or Paired provide daily conversation prompts that keep dialogue flowing even during busy seasons.
The couples who make it long-term prioritize communication above almost everything else.
Because they know every other problem becomes manageable when you can talk about it.
2. Never Go To Bed Angry
This old advice keeps showing up because it actually works.
A woman once told me she and her husband made a promise early in marriage never to go to sleep upset.
One night, they argued over finances and nearly broke the rule.
But instead of turning away, they stayed up late, talking through tears until they found peace.
She laughed as she said, “We were exhausted the next morning, but still holding hands.”
That moment became a lifelong reminder that peace before sleep is worth the effort.
Long-married couples resist the temptation to stonewall, give silent treatment, or let conflicts fester overnight.
They talk it out, find resolution, and go to bed with peace between them.
Why this matters:
- Small issues don’t have time to become big resentments
- You wake up connected instead of distant
- Problems get solved while they’re still manageable
- Neither partner goes to sleep feeling unloved or rejected
Sometimes resolution means agreeing to disagree respectfully.
Other times it means one person apologizing. Always it means refusing to let anger build walls between you.
3. Always Show Appreciation For Each Other
Gratitude is the antidote to taking each other for granted.
I remember a husband who started leaving short thank-you notes for his wife on the fridge each morning things like, “Thanks for being patient with me yesterday.”
She began doing the same. A few weeks later, they both said their home felt “lighter.”
It wasn’t the grand gestures but was those small words of gratitude that rebuilt warmth between them.
Long-married couples express appreciation constantly, for working hard, cooking dinner, being patient with kids, fixing things around the house, or just being there during tough times.
Ways to show appreciation:
- Verbal thank-yous for everyday contributions
- Notes expressing what you value about them
- Public acknowledgment of their efforts
- Specific compliments about character, not just achievements
- Actions that demonstrate you notice what they do
Use gratitude apps like Grateful to track daily appreciations, or simply make verbal gratitude part of your bedtime routine.
Appreciation creates positive cycles where both partners naturally want to do more for each other.
4. Prioritize Spending Quality Time Together
Every long-married couple emphasizes this: time together isn’t optional.
They schedule date nights, protect couple time, turn off phones during dinner, and find ways to connect despite busy schedules.
They understand that relationships need consistent quality time like plants need water.
One couple I know made a rule to always eat dinner together, no phones, no TV.
They called it “their 30 minutes of peace.” Even during tough financial times, that ritual kept them connected.
Years later, when they renewed their vows, the husband said that single habit was what saved their marriage.
Quality time requirements:
- Regular (not just occasional) dedicated couple time
- Full presence (devices away, attention focused)
- Variety (mix routine check-ins with special experiences)
- Protection (defending couple time from constant interruptions)
Schedule couple time in Google Calendar and treat it as non-negotiable. Find date ideas on The Dating Divas for inspiration.
IMO, 30 minutes of fully present conversation beats hours of distracted coexistence. Successful couples understand this deeply.
5. Learn To Forgive And Move On
Holding grudges is marriage poison, according to every couple who’s made it long-term.
They forgive genuine mistakes, let go of small annoyances, and refuse to weaponize past hurts during new arguments.
They understand that perfection is impossible and grace is essential.
A client once told me she struggled to forgive her husband after he broke her trust over a financial mistake.
For months, she carried silent resentment. But after therapy and honest talks, she said letting go felt like “breathing again.”
Today, they’re stronger than ever not because nothing went wrong, but because forgiveness helped them rebuild.
Forgiveness practices:
- Address hurt promptly, then release it
- Don’t bring up resolved issues repeatedly
- Give grace for human imperfection
- Distinguish between patterns and one-time mistakes
- Remember your own need for forgiveness
Forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or accepting no accountability. It means choosing to release resentment after issues are addressed.
6. Keep The Romance Alive
Long-married couples never stop dating each other. A client once told me she struggled to forgive her husband after he broke her trust over a financial mistake.
For months, she carried silent resentment. But after therapy and honest talks, she said letting go felt like “breathing again.”
Today, they’re stronger than ever not because nothing went wrong, but because forgiveness helped them rebuild.
They plan surprises, maintain physical affection, flirt, compliment, and find countless ways to keep romantic connection alive despite decades together.
Ways to maintain romance:
- Regular date nights (at home or out)
- Surprise gestures showing thoughtfulness
- Physical affection beyond just sex
- Flirty texts and compliments
- Weekend getaways when possible
- Small romantic gestures daily
Find romance ideas on The Dating Divas or plan adventures through The Adventure Challenge.
Romance doesn’t end at the wedding; successful couples keep courting each other for life.
7. Support Each Other’s Dreams And Goals
The happiest long-term couples actively champion each other’s ambitions.
They celebrate wins enthusiastically, offer encouragement during setbacks, make sacrifices that help their partner succeed, and genuinely want the best for each other.
Active support includes:
- Asking regularly about their goals and progress
- Celebrating achievements like they’re your own
- Offering practical help when needed
- Believing in them when they doubt themselves
- Making sacrifices that enable their success
Your partner’s success doesn’t threaten you, it enhances your life together when you’re truly teammates.
8. Laugh Together Often
Humor is secret relationship medicine that every long-married couple mentions.
They don’t take themselves too seriously, find comedy in daily life, share inside jokes, and maintain playfulness even during stressful seasons.
Why laughter matters:
- Releases bonding chemicals in your brain
- Helps navigate stress without constant heaviness
- Creates unique couple identity through shared humor
- Reminds you that you genuinely enjoy each other
- Keeps marriage feeling fun instead of just functional
The couples celebrating golden anniversaries laugh together daily. They’re not just in love, they’re friends who have fun together.
9. Be Each Other’s Best Friend
The strongest marriages are between people who are genuinely best friends.
They enjoy each other’s company, share interests, confide in each other first, and want to spend time together beyond obligation.
A client once told me she struggled to forgive her husband after he broke her trust over a financial mistake.
For months, she carried silent resentment. But after therapy and honest talks, she said letting go felt like “breathing again.”
Today, they’re stronger than ever not because nothing went wrong, but because forgiveness helped them rebuild.
Friendship foundations:
- Genuinely enjoying hanging out together
- Sharing thoughts and feelings freely
- Having each other’s backs always
- Finding joy in ordinary moments together
- Choosing to spend time together, not just existing in same space
Marriage should feel like partnership with your favorite person, not duty with a stranger.
10. Compromise Is Key
Every successful marriage involves constant compromise from both partners.
I once advised a couple who couldn’t agree on where to live. One wanted city life; the other preferred the quiet suburbs.
After weeks of discussion, they compromised a small home just outside the city. Neither got exactly what they wanted, but both got peace.
They later admitted that learning to meet halfway saved them from constant conflict.
Long-married couples understand that insisting on your way every time destroys relationships.
They find middle ground, make sacrifices, and prioritize the relationship over being “right.”
Healthy compromise means:
- Both partners give and take regularly
- Neither always gets their way
- Solutions consider both perspectives
- Sacrifices feel balanced over time
- Relationship wins matter more than individual victories
Marriage without compromise becomes a power struggle nobody wins.
11. Stay Committed, Even During Tough Times
Long-married couples rode out storms that would have sunk less committed partnerships.
They stayed when things got hard, worked through problems instead of running.
They remembered their commitment when feelings were low.
Commitment includes:
- Staying when you don’t “feel” in love temporarily
- Working through problems instead of quitting
- Remembering why you chose each other
- Refusing to consider divorce during every conflict
- Treating marriage as permanent, not conditional
Feelings fluctuate. Commitment sustains marriage through seasons when feelings aren’t enough.
12. Share Responsibilities And Work As A Team
Successful long-term marriages involve fair distribution of labor.
I once advised a couple who couldn’t agree on where to live. One wanted city life, the other preferred the quiet suburbs.
After weeks of discussion, they compromised a small home just outside the city. Neither got exactly what they wanted, but both got peace.
They later admitted that learning to meet halfway saved them from constant conflict.
Both partners contribute to household management, financial decisions, childcare, and life logistics. Neither carries everything while the other coasts.
Teamwork requirements:
- Fair division of household tasks
- Joint financial decision-making
- Supporting each other during busy seasons
- Adjusting responsibilities as circumstances change
- Both partners feeling the load is balanced
Resentment builds when one partner does 90% while the other contributes minimally. Long-married couples figured out fair distribution early.
13. Maintain Physical Affection
Every long-married couple emphasizes: don’t stop touching each other.
They hold hands, hug daily, kiss hello and goodbye, cuddle on the couch, and maintain regular sexual connection throughout decades together.
Physical affection benefits:
- Maintains emotional bonding
- Reduces stress through touch
- Keeps attraction alive
- Provides comfort during difficulties
- Creates intimacy beyond words
Physical connection isn’t optional for happy long-term marriage, it’s essential maintenance.
14. Respect Each Other’s Individuality
Long-married couples maintain separate identities within their partnership.
They encourage individual friendships, support separate hobbies, give space when needed, and don’t require their partner to be their everything.
Healthy individuality includes:
- Supporting interests you don’t share
- Encouraging friendships outside the marriage
- Giving each other alone time without resentment
- Maintaining some independence within partnership
- Not losing yourself completely in “we”
Two whole people create stronger marriages than two halves trying to complete each other.
15. Keep A Sense Of Humor
Successful couples don’t let life make them permanently bitter or serious.
One couple I counseled once joked that their marriage survived because they could laugh even during fights. They created a rule: if an argument got too serious, one person had to say something silly. It broke tension instantly. They taught me that humor isn’t about ignoring problems — it’s about handling them with grace.
They find lightness amid heaviness, make each other laugh, don’t take every issue like world-ending crisis, and maintain perspective through humor.
Humor helps because:
- It breaks tension during conflicts
- It reminds you not everything is catastrophic
- It creates bonds through shared laughter
- It helps navigate stress without constant drama
- It keeps marriage feeling lighter and more enjoyable
Life is hard enough, your marriage should include laughter, not just survival.
16. Make Decisions Together
Long-married couples make major decisions as partners, not unilaterally.
I remember a couple who disagreed about buying a house. Instead of rushing, they made a “decision week”. Listing pros and cons together each night.
By the end, they both felt heard and chose a place they loved. They later said that process taught them how to approach every big decision as a united team, not opponents.
They discuss financial choices, parenting approaches, career moves, and life changes together.
Both partners feel heard and involved in decisions affecting their shared life.
Joint decision-making includes:
- Consulting each other on major purchases
- Discussing parenting approaches together
- Making career decisions as a team
- Planning futures collaboratively
- Respecting each other’s input on important matters
When one partner makes all decisions alone, the other feels like a passenger, not a partner.
17. Never Stop Learning And Growing As A Couple
Successful long-term couples treat marriage as requiring continuous learning.
They read relationship books, attend workshops, see therapists proactively, and stay curious about each other as both partners evolve over decades.
Continuous growth includes:
- Reading marriage books together
- Taking couples courses
- Attending therapy proactively (not just in crisis)
- Staying curious about each other
- Adapting as both partners change over time
I once ran a workshop for couples married over 15 years. One pair told me they read a new relationship book together every January.
It became a tradition learning together, reflecting on their marriage, and setting goals for the year.
They said it keeps them connected and evolving, proving that love grows best when it’s still learning.
Find resources on Audible, courses through The Gottman Institute, or therapy via BetterHelp.
Marriage either grows or stagnates, couples who make it choose growth.
Why This Advice Works
These 17 principles work because couples who’ve been married decades have tested them through real challenges.
They’ve survived financial hardship, health crises, raising difficult kids, career changes, losses, and everything else life throws at marriages.
This advice isn’t theory, it’s battle-tested wisdom.
These principles work because they:
- Create emotional safety for both partners
- Build trust through consistent actions
- Maintain connection despite life’s chaos
- Prevent small problems from becoming big ones
- Keep both partners feeling valued and respected
Implementing This Advice
Reading advice doesn’t change anything, applying it does.
Start with 3-5 pieces of advice that resonate most. Practice them consistently for a month. Notice what improves. Add more principles gradually.
Use habit tracking apps like Habitica or Streaks to stay accountable while building new patterns.
The couples celebrating 50+ years didn’t implement everything perfectly overnight.
They built these practices gradually over years until they became automatic.
Final Thoughts
The best marriage advice comes from people who’ve actually built lasting marriages. These 17 principles aren’t trendy or complicated.
They’re simple wisdom that works when applied consistently. Start today with one principle. Add another tomorrow.
Within months, you’ll have fundamentally strengthened your relationship.
The couples who make it aren’t doing anything magical, they’re just consistently doing what actually works.
Which piece of advice will you implement first? Choose one and commit to practicing it this week. Then add another. Build the marriage you want, one principle at a time.
