After spending over fifteen years as a relationship coach and watching countless couples either thrive or barely survive, I’ve noticed something pretty interesting.
The couples who make it past the “honeymoon hangover” aren’t the ones with perfect lives or Instagram-worthy moments 24/7. They’re the ones who figured out how to intentionally nurture their connection even when life gets messy.
You know that feeling when you look at your spouse across the dinner table and think, “When did we become roommates instead of lovers?” Yeah, I’ve been there too. And trust me, every couple I’ve worked with has had that moment. But It’s totally fixable.
Today, I’m sharing six practical ways to strengthen your marriage that actually work, no fluff, no “just communicate better” nonsense. These are real strategies I’ve tested with real couples who had real problems.
If you are ready to fall back in love with the person you married here are steps to guide you.
How To Strengthen Your Marriage: The Foundation
Before we jump into the good stuff, let’s address the elephant in the room. Marriage isn’t a “set it and forget it” situation. I wish it were! But thinking your relationship will just magically stay strong without effort is like expecting your garden to flourish without water, sunlight, or weeding.
Here’s what I tell every couple: Your marriage needs the same intentional care you put into your career, your health, or raising your kids. The moment you stop investing in it, it starts declining. Not to scare you, but that’s just reality.
The couples who thrive understand that love is both a feeling and a choice. Some days you’ll feel head- over-heels crazy about your partner.
Other days (let’s be honest), they’ll leave dishes in the sink for the third time this week, and you’ll wonder why you didn’t marry that guy from college instead. 🙂
But here’s the thing, those thriving couples choose love even on the dishes-in-the-sink days.
1. Get Out Of Default Mode
Oh boy, this is a big one. I call it “relationship autopilot,” and it’s where most marriages go to die a slow, boring death.
Speak to your spouse about it and to do this, you do not need to put it forth as an accusation, instead say, I long for the days we just got married, I miss that day, whatever happened to us?
Then ask your mate how you can both salvage the situation and where you feel this is your fault, apologize and commit to making things right.
You know you’re in default mode when:
- You barely talk beyond logistics (“Did you pick up milk?”)
- Date nights are a distant memory
- You’re more excited about Netflix than your spouse
- Intimacy feels like another chore on your to-do list
Default mode is sneaky. It doesn’t happen overnight. One day you’re newlyweds who can’t keep your hands off each other, and suddenly you realize you haven’t had a meaningful conversation in weeks.
Breaking Free From the Rut
First, admit you’re stuck. I know, I know admitting problems feels scary. But pretending everything’s fine while your marriage slowly withers? That’s way scarier.
Try this conversation starter: “Babe, I miss us. I miss how we used to laugh together and actually enjoy each other’s company. What happened, and how can we get back there?”
Notice I didn’t say “YOU stopped trying” or “YOU became boring.” I said, “what happened to US.” Big difference.
I had one couple who realized they’d been ships passing in the night for months. Their weekly check-ins started small, him bringing her coffee in bed, her texting him funny memes during work. Months later, they were planning weekend getaways again.
2. Speak Words Of Love
Words are powerful, friends. They can build your spouse up or tear them down. And here’s something most people don’t realize, the words you use most often become your spouse’s inner voice.
Think about that for a second. If you’re constantly criticizing, complaining, or just being neutral, that’s the soundtrack playing in their head about themselves and your relationship.
I’m not talking about fake positivity or ignoring real issues. I’m talking about being intentional with how you communicate love. Instead of: “You never help with dishes” Try: “I’d love your help with cleanup, it would mean a lot to me”
Instead of: “You’re always on your phone” Try: “I miss talking with you. Can we put phones away for dinner?” See the difference? Same message, but one attacks their character while the other expresses your needs
Here are some phrases that work like magic (and I mean it, I’ve seen them save marriages):
- “I’m proud of you” especially for the small stuff
- “Thank you for…” be specific
- “I love how you…” focus on character traits
- “You’re right” when they actually are (revolutionary concept, I know!)
- “I’m sorry, that was wrong of me” takes practice, but wow
Pro tip: Text your spouse one thing you appreciate about them every day for a week. Just one thing. Watch what happens to the atmosphere in your home.
I remember one client whose husband started leaving little notes in her lunch. Nothing fancy, just “Hope your meeting goes well” or “Thanks for making my favorite dinner last night.” She told me those tiny notes made her feel more loved than expensive gifts ever had.
3. Have Some Fun
When’s the last time you and your spouse actually enjoyed each other’s company? Not just coexisted, not just completed tasks together, but genuinely had fun?
If you can’t remember, you’re not alone. Life gets heavy, and somehow we forget that the person we married is supposed to be our favorite person to hang out with.
I always tell couples If you’re not creating new memories together, you’ll run out of things to connect over.
You’re not old yet and even if you are, there are countless fun ways to keep yourself and your spouse happy. Life doesn’t always have to revolve around work; adding a little excitement can bring fresh energy into your relationship.
Have you ever imagined how magical a date night could be? The thrill of getting dressed up, choosing your meal, sharing giggles, laughing together, enjoying the ride home, and ending the night wrapped up in warm covers.
Date nights don’t have to be limited to fancy dinners at restaurants. You can watch a movie while cuddling, catch a live band performance, take a walk in the park, or even stargaze together while the night lights create a dreamy atmosphere.
Beyond the fun, remember you’re also building memories. Think about what your partner enjoys and include that in your plans. Be mindful of their personality and involve them when making arrangements. Create your ideal date nights together.
Try something new and adventurous; if one outing isn’t perfect, use the experience to plan an even better one next time. With time, you’ll learn to balance each other’s preferences, and both of you will adjust naturally.
Even if you don’t always want the same things, simply enjoying each other’s company is enough. Watching your partner’s face light up with happiness will bring you joy too. Date nights are an opportunity to fall in love with your spouse again, just like the very first time.
And don’t hold back your laughter. If you’re at a comedy show, let yourself enjoy it. Laughter truly is medicine it heals, connects, and lightens the heart. Laughing together makes it easier to forgive, let go of pain, and bond deeply.
Be intentional about creating these joyful moments watch a funny movie, enjoy a sitcom, or attend a comedy event.
Life is already demanding, so don’t make it harder. Share genuine laughter, and you’ll also be strengthening your marriage.
4. Commit To Spending Time Together
You may wonder how to fit this in, but the truth is if you have time for television, overtime at work, gym sessions, hanging out with friends, gaming, or even taking naps, you can also make time for your spouse.
The best part is, you don’t have to give up these activities. You can actually enjoy them with your partner. Watch a show together, exercise side by side, cook, or simply relax together.
At the end of the day, nothing should be more important than your relationship. Make a deliberate choice to spend time with your spouse.
Even small, everyday activities become more meaningful when shared and surprising them with this kind of intentional presence can make a huge difference in your marriage.
“We don’t have time!” I hear this constantly. And you know what I say back? “You have time for what you prioritize.”
Harsh? Maybe. True? Absolutely.
You don’t need endless hours together every single day to feel close. What really matters is consistency and being intentional about the time you do share.
Even just 15–20 minutes of undistracted connection can mean far more than hours of living side by side without truly engaging. That could look like having coffee together before the day begins, taking a walk after dinner with your phones put away, chatting before bed without devices, enjoying a slow weekend breakfast, or simply sharing music on a car ride instead of listening to separate podcasts.
Couples who thrive often build little rituals that become part of their bond. It might be a kiss goodbye every morning, a quick “good morning” text, or a nightly tradition of sharing three good things about the day.
These small habits may seem simple, but they become anchors steady reminders that no matter how chaotic life gets, you’re in this together.
The key is to start small. Pick one moment in your day just 10 minutes where you’re fully present with each other. No multitasking, no discussing schedules, just connecting. Think creatively, too: you can work out together, cook side by side, or even turn a grocery run into quality time if you approach it with the right mindset.
And most importantly, protect this time. Guard it like you would an important meeting, because honestly, what could be more important than investing in your marriage?
One couple I worked with started taking their dog for a 20-minute walk every evening. No phones, just talking about their day. That simple ritual reconnected them in ways they hadn’t expected. The dog got in better shape too, win-win! 🙂
5. Get Intimate
Okay, let’s talk about the thing everyone thinks about but nobody wants to discuss: intimacy. And before you roll your eyes, I’m not just talking about sex (though that’s impIntimacy in marriage is about being truly known and accepted by your partner. It isn’t just about sex; it’s emotional, physical, spiritual, and sexual too. Each form plays an important role in building a strong, lasting connection.
Emotional intimacy is the foundation. It’s about letting your partner into your inner world: your fears, your dreams, your random thoughts, even the little embarrassing moments.
You can nurture this closeness by sharing one thing that made you happy during the day, opening up about a childhood memory they’ve never heard, admitting a worry you’re carrying, or asking about their hopes for the future.
Simply being curious about their opinions and experiences goes a long way in strengthening your bond.
Physical intimacy isn’t just reserved for the bedroom. Small, non-sexual touches like holding hands, hugging, cuddling on the couch, running your fingers through their hair, or giving a back rub create comfort and closeness.
Many people mistake intimacy for only sex, but that’s like saying a meal is just dessert. All those little touches are the appetizers that make the main course even better.
Of course, sexual intimacy matters too. Without it, marriage can start to feel more like a roommate arrangement than a romantic partnership.
Life gets busy, energy drops, and bodies change, but finding ways to stay sexually connected is still important for most couples.
It begins with honest, open conversation: What do you both need to feel connected? What obstacles are in the way? How can you make intimacy more appealing for both of you?
Even small gestures help such as kissing goodnight, a playful touch during a chat, or sending flirty texts during the day to keep the spark alive.
True intimacy also means creating an environment of safety and vulnerability where both partners can share their needs and desires without judgment.
In daily life, this can be as simple as putting phones away during conversations, making eye contact when you talk, touching each other casually throughout the day, sharing words of appreciation before voicing complaints, or building small rituals like nightly conversations before bed.
Intimacy doesn’t just happen automatically because you’re married. It takes intention, time, and effort from both partners.
When you nurture it consistently, it transforms your marriage into something deeply fulfilling and a true game changer.
6. Forgive Easily
Marriage comes with something few people warn you about: you will hurt each other. Not usually on purpose, but because you’re two imperfect people trying to build a life together.
The strongest couples aren’t the ones who never cause pain; they’re the ones who learn how to forgive quickly and deeply.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean saying “it’s okay” when it’s not, or pretending the hurt never happened.
Instead, it’s a choice to release resentment so it doesn’t poison your relationship. It’s admitting, “I’m hurt, but I’d rather work through this with you than carry it against you forever.”
The process starts by allowing yourself to feel the hurt. You can’t forgive what you haven’t acknowledged. Once you’ve recognized it, communicate how it affected you, but without attacking your partner’s character.
Then, listen to their side sometimes they didn’t intend what you thought they did. From there, forgiveness becomes a conscious decision, an act of love for them and for yourself, followed by working together to prevent the same issues from happening again.
Not all forgiveness looks the same. The little things, like leaving dishes out or forgetting to reply to a message, should be forgiven quickly and let go don’t collect them to use in future arguments.
Bigger issues, like broken trust or repeated harmful patterns, take time, deeper conversations, and sometimes professional support. That’s normal, and it’s okay.
Apologies play a big role too. A real apology acknowledges the wrong, takes full responsibility, expresses genuine remorse, and commits to doing better. Something as simple as, “I was wrong to speak to you that way when I was frustrated. I know it hurt you, and I’m sorry.
You deserve better, and I’ll work on handling my stress differently,” can be powerful in healing wounds.
Healthy marriages also create a culture of grace. Assume the best in your spouse until proven otherwise, since most of the time, they’re just being human and making mistakes.
Don’t let issues fester; the longer resentment lingers, the harder it is to forgive. And remember, you’ll need forgiveness too. Extending grace makes it easier to receive it when your turn comes.
Some couples even adopt a “24-hour rule”: if something bothers them, they talk about it within a day or let it go. This small habit prevents the buildup of unspoken resentment that silently destroys so many relationships.
Final Thoughts On
Look, I’m going to level with you. Marriage is hard work. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or has been married for about five minutes.
But here’s what I’ve learned after years of helping couples rebuild their relationships: the work is worth it. A strong marriage becomes the foundation for everything else in your life, your confidence, your joy, your ability to handle whatever life throws at you.
The couples who make it aren’t the ones with perfect relationships. They’re the ones who decide their marriage is worth fighting for, even when (especially when) it’s hard.
Try any of these ways to Strengthen Your Marriage Every Day.
