They’re the first thing you think about when you wake up. They occupy your mind during work meetings, grocery shopping, and every quiet moment in between.
You replay conversations on an endless loop, analyze every text message, and create elaborate scenarios that will probably never happen. Sound familiar?
Obsessing over someone is mentally exhausting and emotionally draining.
After years of counseling people through this exact struggle,
I can tell you that obsession isn’t love. It’s a pattern that hijacks your brain and makes you feel powerless over your own thoughts.
I’ve worked with clients who couldn’t function at work because thoughts of someone consumed their entire mental capacity.
I’ve seen people lose friendships, miss opportunities, and sacrifice their own well-being because they couldn’t stop fixating on one person.
The good news? You can break this pattern.
Today, I’m sharing 14 proven strategies to help you stop obsessing and reclaim control over your thoughts and life.
What Is Obsessive Love Disorder?
Obsessive Love Disorder is more than strong affection, it’s an unhealthy fixation on someone that disrupts normal life and emotional balance.
Unlike normal love, obsessive love causes uncontrollable thoughts, jealousy, possessiveness, and a desperate need for attention and approval.
The obsession can occur during, before, or after a relationship, making one’s emotions completely dependent on the other person’s behavior or presence.
This kind of obsession destroys personal identity and balance, causing a person to live entirely for the other and neglect their own life and goals.
4 Glaring Signs Of Being Obsessed With Someone
Before you can address an obsession, you need to recognize it. Here are four clear indicators that your feelings have crossed from healthy interest into unhealthy fixation.
1. Constant Thoughts
If you literally cannot stop thinking about someone, even when you’re trying to focus on other things, that’s obsession.
We’re not talking about occasionally daydreaming about someone you like. We’re talking about intrusive, constant thoughts that hijack your attention.
You replay every conversation, analyzing what they meant. You imagine future scenarios with them that range from realistic to completely fantastical.
Your brain creates an entire narrative about this person that may have little basis in reality.
This constant mental preoccupation prevents you from being present in your actual life.
You’re having conversations but not really listening.
You’re at work but not really focused. Your mind is always somewhere else, with them.
2. Excessive Contact
When you’re constantly reaching out through texts, calls, social media, or in person, even when it’s not reciprocated or appropriate, you’ve crossed into obsessive behavior.
Healthy communication has natural pauses and boundaries. Obsessive contact involves:
- Texting multiple times without getting responses
- Calling repeatedly when they don’t answer
- Creating excuses to contact them
- Getting anxious when they don’t respond immediately
- Messaging them across multiple platforms
This behavior disrespects boundaries and often pushes people away rather than drawing them closer.
If someone isn’t responding to your messages, sending more won’t fix that.
3. Stalking Behavior
This starts innocuously, checking their social media profiles occasionally, but escalates to checking multiple times daily or even hourly.
You scrutinize every post, photo, comment, and like, looking for clues about their life.
More severe stalking involves:
- Driving by their house or workplace
- Showing up “randomly” at places you know they’ll be
- Creating fake accounts to follow them after they’ve blocked you
- Tracking their location through various means
- Interrogating mutual friends about them
If you’re engaging in any stalking behavior, you need to recognize this as a serious problem that requires immediate intervention.
4. Neglecting Responsibilities
When obsession takes over, everything else in your life becomes background noise.
You miss work deadlines because you were stalking their social media.
You bail on friends because you’re hoping they’ll text you.
You let your own goals slide because thoughts of them consume all your mental energy.
You prioritize thoughts and actions related to this person over:
- Your career or education
- Your health and self-care
- Your other relationships
- Your hobbies and interests
- Your personal goals
When one person becomes more important than literally every other aspect of your life, you’ve lost perspective and balance.
14 Ways To Stop Obsessing Over Someone
Breaking free from obsession requires consistent effort and multiple strategies.
These 14 approaches address different aspects of obsessive thinking and behavior.
1. Limit Contact With Them
The most crucial first step is creating distance. You cannot heal from obsession while maintaining constant contact with the person you’re obsessing over.
Limiting contact means:
- Reducing or eliminating direct communication
- Unfollowing or muting them on social media
- Avoiding places where you’re likely to encounter them
- Setting firm boundaries about when and how you’ll interact
- Enlisting friends to help you maintain these boundaries
This distance creates the mental space you need to refocus on yourself.
Without constant contact triggering obsessive thoughts, you can gradually break the pattern and rediscover your own identity separate from this person.
I know this feels impossible. You’ll want to check in “just once” or “casually reach out.” Don’t.
Every contact restarts your healing process from square one.
2. Remove Reminders Of Them From Your Environment
Your environment should support your healing, not sabotage it. Physical and digital reminders of this person trigger obsessive thoughts and keep you stuck.
Remove or hide:
- Photos (physical and digital)
- Gifts they gave you
- Items that remind you of them
- Text message threads and chat histories
- Emails, letters, or notes
- Social media connections
- Places you associated with them
Use apps like Google Photos to archive (not delete) photos if you’re not ready to permanently remove them. The key is getting them out of your daily line of sight.
Creating a reminder, free environment lets your brain gradually form new associations and patterns that don’t revolve around this person.
3. Stay Busy With Activities And Hobbies
An idle mind gives obsessive thoughts room to grow. When you fill your time with engaging activities and hobbies, you actively redirect your mental energy away from the person you’re obsessing over.
Effective activities include:
- Physical exercise or sports
- Creative pursuits like art, music, or writing
- Learning new skills through classes or tutorials
- Volunteering for causes you care about
- Social activities with friends and family
- Projects you’ve been putting off
Use Meetup or Eventbrite to find local activities and groups.
The goal is engaging your mind and body so thoroughly that you don’t have leftover capacity for obsessive thinking.
4. Focus On Self-Improvement And Personal Goals
Redirecting your energy toward your own growth and goals is one of the most powerful ways to break obsession.
When you invest in yourself, you shift focus from external validation to internal development.
Set SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) for:
- Career advancement or education
- Physical fitness and health
- Financial stability or growth
- Creative or passion projects
- Personal development and skills
Use goal-tracking apps like Strides or Habitica to monitor your progress.
Each achievement reinforces that your worth and happiness don’t depend on this other person.
This approach gives you a sense of purpose and control over your life, counteracting the powerlessness that obsession creates.
5. Practice Mindfulness And Meditation To Control Your Thoughts
Mindfulness and meditation are powerful tools for managing intrusive, obsessive thoughts.
These practices teach you to observe thoughts without becoming entangled in them.
Mindfulness techniques help you:
- Recognize when obsessive thoughts arise
- Acknowledge them without judgment
- Consciously redirect your attention
- Create mental distance from obsessive patterns
- Develop greater emotional regulation
Apps like Headspace, Calm, or Insight Timer offer guided meditations specifically designed for managing intrusive thoughts and emotions.
Through regular practice, you strengthen your ability to notice when your mind wanders to this person and gently bring it back to the present moment.
This skill is invaluable for breaking obsessive patterns.
6. Seek Support From Friends Or A Therapist
Obsession thrives in secrecy and isolation. Opening up to trusted friends, family, or a therapist about what you’re experiencing provides crucial emotional support and an external perspective.
Benefits of seeking support:
- Validation that your feelings are real, but your obsession is unhealthy
- Practical advice from people who care about you
- Accountability for maintaining boundaries
- Alternative viewpoints that challenge your obsessive thinking
- Professional techniques for addressing underlying issues
Consider therapy through platforms like BetterHelp or Talkspace if in-person sessions aren’t accessible.
A therapist can help you understand why you’re prone to obsession and develop healthier attachment patterns.
Don’t try to handle severe obsession alone. Professional support can dramatically accelerate your healing.
7. Redirect Your Attention To Other People Or Interests
Diversifying your social connections and interests broadens your perspective and reduces fixation on one person.
When your entire emotional world revolves around someone, everything feels catastrophic.
When you have multiple sources of fulfillment, losing one doesn’t destroy you.
Strategies for redirection:
- Strengthen existing friendships through quality time
- Make new connections through shared interests
- Explore hobbies or activities that genuinely interest you
- Volunteer or join community groups
- Take classes or workshops
Investing energy in nurturing varied relationships and pursuits creates a fuller, richer life where one person’s absence or rejection doesn’t feel like the end of everything.
8. Challenge Unrealistic Beliefs About The Person Or The Relationship
Obsession often involves idealizing someone beyond reality. You might believe they’re perfect, that you’re meant to be together, or that you can’t be happy without them.
These beliefs need to be challenged with evidence and logic.
Questions to ask yourself:
- Am I seeing this person accurately or through a fantasy lens?
- What actual evidence supports my beliefs about them or our relationship?
- Am I ignoring red flags or negative behaviors?
- What would I tell a friend in this situation?
- Is this person actually treating me well and reciprocating my feelings?
Write down your idealized beliefs, then counter each one with concrete reality.
This process of critical examination helps you develop a more balanced, realistic understanding of the situation.
IMO, most obsessions involve a huge gap between the fantasy version of someone and who they actually are.
Closing that gap through reality-checking is essential for healing.
9. Set Boundaries To Prevent Yourself From Indulging In Obsessive Behaviors
Clear boundaries protect you from your own obsessive impulses.
You need rules for yourself that prevent engaging in behaviors that feed the obsession.
Boundaries might include:
- No checking their social media (use blocking apps if needed)
- No driving by their house or workplace
- No texting or calling them
- No asking mutual friends about them
- No creating scenarios or fantasies about them
- Limiting how long you allow yourself to think about them
Apps like Freedom or Cold Turkey can block websites and apps that you compulsively check. The key is enforcing these boundaries consistently.
Boundaries demonstrate self-respect and self-control, gradually rebuilding your sense of personal power.
10. Engage In Physical Exercise To Reduce Stress And Boost Mood
Regular physical exercise offers powerful benefits for managing obsession.
Exercise releases endorphins and other mood-boosting chemicals that counteract the anxiety and depression often accompanying obsessive thoughts.
Exercise benefits include:
- Natural mood elevation
- Stress and tension release
- Improved sleep quality
- Increased self-confidence
- Healthy outlet for emotional energy
- Distraction from obsessive thinking
Use fitness apps like Nike Training Club, Peloton, or MyFitnessPal to structure your workouts and track progress.
Physical activity also provides a tangible way to invest in yourself, reinforcing that you’re worth caring for, regardless of this other person.
11. Journal To Express And Process Your Emotions
Journaling serves as a therapeutic outlet for the complex emotions tied to obsession.
Writing externalizes your thoughts, making them easier to examine objectively.
Journaling helps you:
- Express feelings you might not voice aloud
- Identify patterns in your obsessive thinking
- Track your progress over time
- Process emotions constructively
- Gain distance and perspective on your situation
Use journaling apps like Day One or Journey for digital journaling, or stick with traditional pen and paper.
When you reread entries later, you often gain insights that weren’t apparent in the moment.
You can observe your own patterns as an outsider would, making it easier to recognize and interrupt them.
12. Establish A Routine To Create Structure And Stability In Your Life
A consistent daily routine provides structure that reduces the mental chaos obsession creates.
When your life feels stable and predictable, you’re less likely to spiral into obsessive thinking.
A healthy routine includes:
- Consistent wake and sleep times
- Regular meals
- Scheduled work or productive time
- Planned exercise or movement
- Social interaction
- Relaxation and self-care
- Limited phone/screen time before bed
Structure creates a sense of control and purpose that counteracts the powerlessness obsession generates.
Each day you follow your routine is a day you’re choosing yourself over obsessive thoughts.
13. Give Yourself Time To Heal And Be Patient With The Process
Healing from obsession doesn’t happen overnight. You’ll have good days and setbacks.
Understanding this is part of the process that helps you stay committed rather than getting discouraged.
Be patient with yourself by:
- Acknowledging that healing is gradual
- Celebrating small victories
- Not beating yourself up over setbacks
- Recognizing that progress isn’t linear
- Giving yourself grace during difficult moments
Recovery timelines vary based on the intensity of obsession and individual circumstances.
Some people need weeks, others need months or longer. The timeline matters less than consistently working toward healing.
14. Know You Are Worthy Of Love
One of the deepest issues underlying obsession is often feeling unworthy of love.
You might believe this person is your only chance at happiness or that you need them to validate your worth.
The truth: you are inherently worthy of love simply because you exist. Your value doesn’t depend on someone else choosing you or reciprocating your feelings.
Build self-love through:
- Positive self-talk and affirmations
- Treating yourself with compassion
- Acknowledging your strengths and achievements
- Setting and respecting your own boundaries
- Prioritizing your needs and well-being
When you truly believe you’re worthy of love, you stop accepting crumbs from people who don’t value you.
You raise your standards and recognize that obsession isn’t love it’s a trap.
When To Seek Professional Help
Some obsessions require professional intervention, especially if you’re experiencing severe symptoms or if self-help strategies aren’t working after several weeks of consistent effort.
Seek immediate professional help if:
- Obsessive thoughts prevent you from functioning at work or school
- You’re engaging in stalking behaviors
- You’re experiencing severe depression or anxiety
- You’re having thoughts of self-harm
- The obsession is leading to substance abuse
- You can’t maintain boundaries on your own
Platforms like Psychology Today help you find therapists specializing in obsessive behaviors and attachment issues.
Final Words On
You deserve relationships that feel balanced, mutual, and healthy. You deserve to feel secure in yourself rather than desperately seeking validation from someone else.
And you absolutely deserve to move through your days without being hijacked by constant thoughts of someone who isn’t thinking about you the same way.
Start today. Pick one or two strategies from this list and commit to them fully.
Your future self will thank you for choosing healing over obsession :/
