Tired of always being the one doing the chasing? Girl, I feel you! 🙂 After years of working as a relationship coach, I’ve watched countless women exhaust themselves pursuing men who barely give them the time of day. Here’s the thing, though: you’ve got the power to flip that script completely.
You don’t need to be the one constantly texting first, planning dates, or wondering where you stand. The secret? Learning how to make him chase you instead. And trust me, it’s not about playing cruel games or being manipulative. It’s about understanding male psychology and positioning yourself as the prize you already are.
Ready to become the woman he can’t stop thinking about? Let’s get started!
Why Make Him Chase You In The First Place?
Here’s some relationship psychology 101 for you: men value what they work for. It’s not just dating advice; it’s basic human nature. When someone has to invest time, energy, and effort to earn something, they appreciate it more.
Think about it this way. Which feels more valuable: a designer bag you saved up for months to buy, or one that someone randomly handed you on the street? The one you worked for, right?
Men are wired to enjoy the pursuit. It triggers their competitive instincts and taps into that primal need to “win” something worth having. When a guy has to overcome obstacles to be with you, getting your attention becomes an achievement he’s genuinely proud of.
I’ve seen this pattern play out hundreds of times in my practice. Women who make themselves too available too quickly often find themselves in relationships where they’re undervalued. Meanwhile, women who understand the art of the chase end up with partners who truly appreciate and pursue them.
How To Get A Man To Chase You?
The foundation of making him chase you starts with capturing and keeping his attention. This doesn’t mean being fake or playing games. It means being genuinely confident, interesting, and just slightly out of reach.
Confidence is your secret weapon here. When you walk into a room knowing your worth, people notice. Men are naturally drawn to women who believe in themselves and aren’t afraid to show it.
Flirting is also crucial, but there’s an art to it. Make eye contact, smile genuinely, and show interest without being overly eager. Think of it as giving him a taste of what could be, not the whole meal upfront.
Show enough interest to let him know you’re receptive but pull back enough to keep him guessing. This creates what psychologists call “intermittent reinforcement,” which is incredibly powerful for building attraction.
How To Make Him Chase You
Every woman deserves to feel cherished and pursued by the man she’s interested in. The truth is, most men actually enjoy the chase more than women realize. It makes them feel accomplished and validates their efforts.
During the chase phase, something magical happens. He gets to discover whether he genuinely likes you, and you get to observe whether he’s willing to put in real effort. This is where authentic connections are built.
Many men start pursuing women without consciously planning to fall in love. But during the chase, they often realize they want something deeper. They invest emotionally because they’re working toward a goal: winning your heart.
Here’s what makes a woman worth chasing:
Be Out Of His League
This doesn’t mean being snobbish or unrealistic. It means elevating yourself to a level where you’re clearly a catch. Work on your personal growth, pursue your passions, and become the kind of woman any man would be lucky to have.
When you carry yourself like you’re out of his league, he’ll step up his game to prove he deserves you.
Be Worth The Chase
Men chase women who are classy, fun, intelligent, and have depth. You want to be someone he can’t easily replace or forget. This comes from developing yourself as a complete person, not just focusing on your relationship status.
Stimulate His Intelligence
Gone are the days when men just wanted pretty faces with no substance. Modern men are attracted to women who can challenge them intellectually. Show him you can hold your own in conversations about topics that matter to you both.
15 Proven Tips To Make Him Chase You
Ready for the practical strategies? These techniques have worked for my clients time and time again. Remember, the goal isn’t manipulation; it’s positioning yourself as the valuable woman you are.
1. Raise Your Standards High
This is huge! Never lower your standards just to keep a man interested. When you have high standards, you communicate that you know your worth and won’t settle for less.
High standards don’t mean being impossible to please. They mean having clear boundaries about how you expect to be treated. When he sees he has to step up to meet your standards, he’ll either rise to the occasion or show you he wasn’t worth your time anyway.
I worked with Jessica, who constantly lowered her expectations for guys she dated. Once she started maintaining her standards, the quality of men pursuing her improved dramatically. Men respect women who respect themselves.
For building confidence and maintaining standards, check out resources like Boundary Boss or read books like “Why Men Love Bitches” for mindset shifts.
2. Maintain An Air Of Mystery
Mystery is magnetic! People are naturally drawn to what they don’t fully understand. This doesn’t mean being secretive or dishonest. It means not revealing everything about yourself immediately.
Share pieces of your story gradually. Let him discover new layers of your personality over time. When you’re an open book from day one, there’s no excitement in getting to know you better.
Think of yourself as a fascinating novel. You want to give him enough of the plot to keep him engaged, but not so much that he already knows the ending.
3. Make Him Think About You
The goal is to occupy mental real estate in his mind. You want to be the person he thinks about during his commute, while he’s working, and before he falls asleep.
Create memorable moments when you’re together. Do something unexpected that sticks with him. Maybe it’s a spontaneous adventure, an insightful conversation, or even just a lingering hug that leaves him wanting more.
One client, Maria, started leaving little notes in places her crush would find them. Nothing dramatic, just sweet messages that reminded him of their conversations. He told her later that those notes made his entire week.
4. Be Confident
Confidence is absolutely irresistible. When you believe in yourself, others believe in you, too. Confident women don’t chase men because they know their worth and trust that the right person will recognize it.
Work on building genuine self-confidence through personal achievements, self-care, and positive self-talk. When you love yourself, it permits you to love yourself too.
Confidence shows up in your posture, your voice, your decisions, and how you handle challenges. It’s not about being loud or aggressive; it’s about being comfortable in your own skin.
Apps like Headspace for meditation or Shine Daily for affirmations can help build inner confidence.
5. Play Hard To Get
Yes, this strategy still works, but there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it. Playing hard to get means being selective and not immediately available, not being cruel or manipulative.
Men are programmed to value what they have to work for. When you’re too easy to get, you remove the challenge and excitement from the pursuit. But when you make him earn your time and attention, he appreciates it more.
The key is knowing when to stop. You’re creating healthy tension, not building walls. Give him enough hope to keep trying while maintaining enough distance to keep him wanting more.
6. Catch His Attention
Men are visual creatures, and first impressions matter. This doesn’t mean you need to look like a supermodel, but you should put effort into presenting your best self.
Take care of yourself physically, dress in ways that make you feel confident, and pay attention to the details. When you look good, you feel good, and that positive energy is attractive.
Notice what he finds appealing and incorporate elements into your style when it feels authentic to you. If he mentions loving it when you wear your hair down, do that more often. Small efforts can have big impacts.
For style inspiration, check out Pinterest fashion boards or apps like Stylebook for wardrobe organization.
7. Flirt
Flirting is an art form that keeps the spark alive. It shows your playful side and hints at deeper attraction without giving everything away immediately.
Master the basics: eye contact, genuine smiles, light teasing, and subtle touches. Good flirting feels natural and fun, not forced or desperate.
Show him glimpses of your personality that make him want to know more. Be playful in your conversations, tease him gently about things he’s mentioned, and don’t be afraid to show your sense of humor.
Remember, flirting should feel good for both of you. If it feels like work, you’re probably trying too hard.
8. Give Him A Little Competition
Nothing motivates a man like knowing other men find you attractive, too. When he realizes he’s not your only option, he’ll step up his game to win your attention.
This doesn’t mean being dishonest or leading multiple people on. It means living your life fully and not putting all your focus on one person who hasn’t committed to you yet.
Go out with friends, meet new people, and don’t hide the fact that you have an active social life. When he sees that you’re a catch that other people appreciate, he’ll work harder to secure your interest.
9. Don’t Give Him Any Extra Benefits
This is crucial! Don’t act like you’re in a relationship when you’re not. If he hasn’t made things official, don’t give him the perks of having a girlfriend.
This means not being exclusively available to him, not providing emotional labor like a partner would, and not acting possessive or jealous. Make him earn the privileges of being your boyfriend.
I see women make this mistake constantly. They hope that acting like a girlfriend will inspire him to make it official, but it usually has the opposite effect. Why would he chase what he already has?
10. Keep Your Emotions In Check
Don’t be the first to say “I love you” or reveal the depth of your feelings too early. When a man knows you’re more invested than he is, he often reduces his effort.
This doesn’t mean being cold or emotionally unavailable. It means matching his energy level and not getting ahead of yourself. Let him catch up to where you are emotionally.
Practice emotional regulation through journaling, therapy, or mindfulness. Apps like Mood Tools can help track your emotional patterns.
11. State Your Boundaries
Never compromise your values or tolerate disrespectful behavior just to keep him interested. Men respect women who respect themselves enough to have standards.
If he crosses a line, address it immediately. Don’t laugh off behavior that bothers you or pretend you’re okay with things you’re not. Clear boundaries actually make you more attractive, not less.
A woman with boundaries communicates that she values herself and expects others to do the same. This is incredibly appealing to emotionally healthy men.
12. Awaken His ‘Protective’ Instincts
Men have a natural desire to feel needed and useful. When you occasionally let him help you or be your “hero,” it triggers positive feelings about your relationship.
This doesn’t mean being helpless or playing dumb. It means acknowledging when he helps you and sometimes asking for assistance with things he’s good at.
Maybe he’s great with technology, and you need help setting up something. Or perhaps he knows the city well and you’d appreciate restaurant recommendations. Small opportunities for him to contribute make him feel valued.
13. Do Not Make Him Your Priority
Keep living your life! Don’t drop your friends, hobbies, or goals just because you’re interested in someone. Men are attracted to women who have full, interesting lives.
When you make him the center of your universe too early, you lose the very qualities that attracted him in the first place. Stay busy with activities you love, maintain your friendships, and continue pursuing your personal goals.
A woman with her own life is much more appealing than someone who’s just waiting around for him to call.
14. Don’t Text Him All The Time
Texting strategy matters more than most women realize. Constant texting can make you seem overeager and reduce the anticipation he feels about hearing from you.
Don’t always respond immediately. Live your life and respond when it’s convenient for you. Keep your messages engaging but not overly long. Quality over quantity always wins.
If he’s interested, he’ll appreciate that you have things going on. If he’s not, constant texting won’t change that anyway.
For better texting techniques, check out dating apps like Hinge, which have conversation prompts, or read guides on Psychology Today about effective communication.
15. Know When To Give
Once you’ve established the chase and he’s clearly pursuing you, reward his efforts occasionally. This doesn’t mean giving in completely, but acknowledging his investment in some meaningful way.
Maybe it’s a longer conversation, a special compliment, or finally accepting that date he’s been asking for. The key is making him feel like his efforts are paying off while maintaining the overall dynamic.
Think of it like training: you want to reinforce positive behavior without removing the challenge entirely.
Final Thoughts On How To Make Him Chase You
These strategies aren’t manipulative games; they’re smart relationship psychology applied practically. The goal is to position yourself as the valuable, interesting woman you already are while creating space for him to pursue you properly.
Some guys might get stuck in perpetual chase mode without ever committing. That’s why it’s important to recognize when someone is genuinely interested versus when they just enjoy the game.
These techniques simply help the right person recognize what an incredible catch you are. That is time and energy well spent! 🙂
For ongoing relationship support, consider resources like The Gottman Institute for research-based advice or apps like Relish for personalized coaching.
What resonates most with you from these strategies? Have you tried any of these approaches before? Remember, the goal is to become the best version of yourself while creating space for genuine love to flourish.
