The breakup is still fresh. You keep replaying moments in your head, wondering if there’s any chance to fix what broke.
You’re lying awake at night thinking about the person who used to be your entire world, and you can’t shake the feeling that you’re meant to be together.
I hear you. After years of helping people navigate the complicated waters of breakups and reconciliations.
I know that wanting your ex back doesn’t make you weak or desperate.
Sometimes relationships end before their time, and sometimes people need space to realize what they had.
But here’s what I need you to understand right from the start: getting your ex back isn’t about tricks or manipulation.
It’s about genuine growth, honest communication, and creating the conditions for a healthier relationship than the one that ended.
If you’re ready to approach this with maturity and intention, these strategies can help you rebuild what was lost.
How Can You Make Your Ex Want You Back?
Making your ex want you back requires a combination of self-improvement, strategic communication, and demonstrating real change.
You can’t force someone to love you, but you can create conditions that remind them why they fell for you in the first place.
The most effective approaches include:
- Being intentional about your actions rather than reactive or desperate
- Communicating more openly and honestly than you did during the relationship
- Expressing genuine emotions without manipulation or guilt-tripping
- Offering sincere apologies for your role in the relationship’s problems
- Supporting them in ways you may have neglected when you were together
These strategies work because they address the root causes of why relationships fail: poor communication, unmet needs, and stagnant personal growth.
When your ex sees that you’ve genuinely evolved, they’ll naturally feel drawn to explore whether things could be different this time.
The key is patience and authenticity. If you’re just pretending to change to get them back, they’ll see through it eventually, and you’ll be right back where you started.
How To Get Your Ex Back Fast: 15 Things You Need To Do
These strategies come from years of helping couples reconcile successfully.
They work because they focus on building genuine connections rather than playing games or using manipulation tactics.
1. Open Communication
If you truly want to win your ex back, keeping lines of communication open dramatically increases your chances of reconciliation. Poor communication may have contributed to your breakup in the first place, so demonstrating improvement in this area shows real growth.
Opening communication means:
- Reaching out at appropriate times (not 2 AM when you’re emotional)
- Being willing to have difficult conversations without defensiveness
- Listening to understand, not just to respond
- Making yourself available when they need to talk
Use apps like WhatsApp or Signal for more thoughtful text conversations where you can craft your messages carefully.
But remember, the goal is eventually having face-to-face conversations where a real connection happens.
The quality of your communication matters infinitely more than the quantity. One meaningful conversation beats a hundred superficial check-ins.
2. Give Space And Time
This might seem counterintuitive when you’re desperate to reconnect, but giving your ex space is crucial for successful reconciliation.
They need time to heal, reflect, and miss you without feeling pressured or crowded.
By respecting their need for distance, you demonstrate:
- Emotional maturity and self-control
- Respect for their boundaries and feelings
- Confidence that doesn’t depend on constant validation
- Understanding that healthy relationships require individual space
The absence you create allows them to remember the good times and realize what they’re missing.
If you’re constantly in their face trying to convince them to come back, they’ll never have the chance to naturally want you again.
Be patient. Sometimes the best thing you can do is step back and let time work its magic.
3. Self-Improvement
Showing your ex that you’ve grown and evolved since the breakup is absolutely crucial for reconciliation.
People want partners who recognize their flaws and actively work to become better versions of themselves.
Focus on improvements in areas that caused problems in your relationship:
- If you were jealous or insecure, work on building self-confidence
- If you neglected them for work, learn a better work-life balance
- If you struggled with communication, take courses or read books on the subject
- If you were emotionally unavailable, explore therapy to understand why
Use self-improvement apps like Headspace for mindfulness, Duolingo for learning new skills, or MyFitnessPal for health goals.
Document your progress so you can show concrete evidence of change.
Self-improvement isn’t just about getting your ex back, it’s about becoming someone who can sustain a healthy relationship long-term.
4. Be Supportive
Everyone appreciates genuine support, especially during difficult times.
If your ex is going through challenges with work, family, or personal goals, showing up for them demonstrates that you care beyond just wanting the relationship back.
Ways to be supportive:
- Check in on important events or deadlines they mentioned
- Offer help without expecting anything in return
- Celebrate their wins and achievements
- Listen when they need to vent without making it about you
This support shouldn’t feel transactional or manipulative.
You’re genuinely caring about their well-being because you value them as a person, not just as a potential romantic partner.
How To Get Your Ex Back After A Breakup
5. Show Genuine Interest
Fake interest will eventually reveal itself, so make sure your curiosity about their life is authentic.
When you show real interest in what they’re doing, thinking, and feeling, you remind them of the connection you once shared.
Demonstrate genuine interest by:
- Asking thoughtful questions about their current projects or interests
- Remembering details from previous conversations
- Being present and engaged when you do communicate
- Supporting their passions even if you don’t fully understand them
Avoid making every conversation about getting back together.
Sometimes, just being interested in them as a person creates more attraction than any romantic gesture could.
6. Apologize If Needed
A sincere apology is one of the most powerful tools for reconciliation.
If you contributed to the relationship’s demise (and let’s be honest, you probably did in some way), owning that shows maturity and self-awareness.
An effective apology includes:
- Specific acknowledgment of what you did wrong
- Understanding of how your actions affected them
- No excuses or justifications
- Clear explanation of how you’re working to change
- No expectation of immediate forgiveness
Don’t apologize just to manipulate them into taking you back.
Apologize because you genuinely understand the harm you caused and want to make amends, regardless of whether reconciliation happens.
7. Plan Thoughtful Surprises
Small, thoughtful gestures show that you’ve been paying attention and still care about making them happy. These don’t need to be grand or expensive – in fact, personal and meaningful usually beats expensive and flashy.
Ideas for thoughtful surprises:
- Send their favorite coffee or treat to their workplace
- Remember and acknowledge important dates or events
- Create a playlist of songs that remind you of good times together
- Leave a handwritten note somewhere they’ll find it
Use services like DoorDash or Uber Eats to send surprise food deliveries if you can’t deliver in person.
The key is showing you remember what makes them smile.
8. Rebuild Trust
Trust is often the first casualty of a breakup and rebuilding it requires consistent action over time.
You can’t rush this process; trust builds slowly through repeated demonstrations of reliability and integrity.
Rebuild trust by:
- Following through on every commitment you make
- Being transparent about your life and activities
- Admitting mistakes immediately when you make them
- Respecting boundaries they’ve set
- Being patient when they’re not ready to trust fully
Consider reading resources from The Gottman Institute about rebuilding trust in relationships.
Their research-based approach offers concrete strategies that actually work.
Trust rebuilds one honest interaction at a time. Don’t expect overnight results.
9. Seek Counseling
Professional guidance can dramatically improve your chances of successful reconciliation.
A therapist or counselor helps you both understand the underlying issues that contributed to your breakup and develop healthier patterns for the future.
Benefits of counseling:
- Neutral third-party perspective on relationship dynamics
- Tools and strategies for better communication
- Understanding of attachment styles and emotional patterns
- Safe space to discuss difficult topics
- Professional guidance through the reconciliation process
Platforms like BetterHelp, Talkspace, or ReGain offer couples counseling specifically designed for relationship issues.
Even if your ex isn’t ready for couples therapy yet, individual therapy can help you work on your own patterns.
How To Get Back With Your Ex
10. Create New Memories
One of the best ways to move past old hurts is by creating new, positive experiences together.
These fresh memories can gradually outshine the painful ones and remind you both why you fell in love in the first place.
Ideas for creating new memories:
- Try activities neither of you has done before
- Visit new places instead of old haunts filled with memories
- Take a class together to learn something new
- Plan adventures that push you both outside your comfort zones
Use Eventbrite or Meetup to find interesting local events and activities you could do together.
The goal is building a new foundation, not just reliving the past.
11. Be Patient
Reconciliation rarely happens overnight, especially after a painful breakup. Your ex needs time to process their feelings, heal from hurt, and decide if they genuinely want to try again.
Patience demonstrates:
- Respect for their emotional process
- Confidence that doesn’t require immediate validation
- Understanding that healing can’t be rushed
- Genuine care for their well-being over your own timeline
Rushing them or pressuring them for an answer will likely push them further away.
The people who successfully reconcile are usually the ones who gave their exes space to come to the decision naturally.
12. Respect Boundaries
If your ex sets boundaries about contact, timing, or topics of conversation, honor them completely.
Respecting boundaries shows that you value their autonomy and aren’t just trying to force your way back into their life.
Boundaries to respect might include:
- Limited contact frequency (only texting once a week, for example)
- No discussion of the relationship for a set period
- No showing up unannounced
- No contacting their friends or family to get information
Violating boundaries destroys trust and significantly decreases your chances of reconciliation.
Even if the boundaries feel frustrating, respecting them shows the maturity and self-control that make you relationship ready.
13. Demonstrate Change
Words mean nothing without actions to back them up. Your ex needs to see concrete evidence that you’ve addressed the issues that contributed to your breakup.
Ways to demonstrate change:
- Show consistent new behaviors over time
- Handle situations differently than you used to
- Share what you’ve learned through therapy, books, or self-reflection
- Accept feedback without becoming defensive
- Acknowledge when you slip into old patterns and correct course
Don’t just tell them you’ve changed, show them through your actions every single day. Real change takes time and consistency to prove.
How To Win Your Ex Back
14. Show Appreciation
If your ex is willing to consider reconciliation or even just maintain communication, express genuine gratitude for that opportunity.
They could have chosen to cut ties completely, and the fact that they’re open to dialogue deserves acknowledgment.
Express appreciation by:
- Verbally thanking them for their willingness to talk
- Acknowledging the emotional risk they’re taking
- Not taking their openness for granted
- Showing through actions that you value this second chance
Small gestures through Thoughtful Gifts or simple heartfelt texts expressing gratitude can go a long way in showing you don’t take them for granted.
15. Be Persistent (Within Reason)
Healthy persistence shows genuine commitment, but there’s a fine line between persistence and harassment.
You want to demonstrate that you’re serious about reconciliation without making them feel pressured or uncomfortable.
Healthy persistence looks like:
- Consistent improvement in yourself regardless of their response
- Respectful check-ins that honor their boundaries
- Patience when they need more time
- Acceptance if they ultimately decide reconciliation isn’t right
Know when to accept that it’s not going to work.
IMO, if your ex has clearly and repeatedly said they’re not interested in reconciliation, continuing to push becomes unhealthy for both of you.
How To Get Your Ex Back Fast By Text Message
Text messages can be powerful tools for reconnecting, but they need to be used strategically. The key is creating meaningful communication that moves toward reconciliation without overwhelming or pressuring your ex.
1. Apologize Sincerely
A heartfelt apology via text can open the door to deeper conversations. Keep it sincere, specific, and focused on your actions rather than making excuses.
Example: “I’ve been thinking a lot about how I handled [specific situation], and I want you to know I’m genuinely sorry for [specific action].
I understand now how that affected you, and I’m working on [specific change].”
2. Express Your Feelings
Honest emotional expression (without manipulation) shows vulnerability and authenticity.
Share how you feel without demanding they feel the same way or pressuring them to respond in a particular way.
Share feelings like: “I miss the conversations we used to have” or “I’ve realized how much I value what we had together”.
But avoid guilt-tripping phrases like “I can’t live without you.”
3. Share Positive Memories
Reminding your ex of happy times reignites positive feelings and can soften their resistance.
Choose memories that showcase the genuine connection you shared.
Text something like: “I was just thinking about that time we [specific fun memory].
I remember laughing so hard. Those are the moments I treasure.”
4. Show Personal Growth
Demonstrating concrete evidence of self-improvement via text shows you’re serious about change.
Share milestones or insights from your growth journey.
Example: “I started therapy to work on [issue], and I’ve learned so much about [insight].
It’s helping me understand what went wrong between us.”
5. Suggest A Casual Meetup
Eventually, you need to transition from text to in-person interaction. Suggest low-pressure meetups that feel safe and casual rather than intensely romantic.
Try: “Would you want to grab coffee sometime? No pressure, just would be nice to catch up in person” rather than “We need to talk about getting back together.”
Important Things To Say To Get Your Ex Back
The words you choose matter tremendously in reconciliation efforts. Here are heartfelt messages that express genuine emotion without manipulation or pressure:
Acknowledging Growth: “I’ve spent this time apart really reflecting on our relationship and my role in how things ended.
I understand now what I couldn’t see before, and I’m actively working on becoming someone who can show up better in a relationship.”
Expressing Genuine Feeling: “I know we both needed this space, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss what we had.
Not just the relationship, but you your laugh, your perspective, the way you challenged me to be better.”
Taking Responsibility: “I realize now that I took you for granted in ways I didn’t fully comprehend at the time.
The way I handled [specific situation] was unfair to you, and you deserved better. I’m sorry for the pain I caused.”
Showing Respect: “I want you to know that whether or not we get back together, I respect your decision and your feelings.
You deserve happiness, and I hope you find it with me or without me.”
Creating Hope: “I believe we could be amazing together if we both approached things differently.
I’m willing to put in the work to rebuild what we had, but better this time. Would you be open to exploring that possibility?”
When Reconciliation Might Not Be Healthy
Not all relationships should be revived and knowing when to let go is just as important as knowing how to reconcile.
Before pursuing your ex, honestly assess whether getting back together is actually healthy for both of you.
Consider walking away if:
- The relationship involved abuse (emotional, physical, or psychological)
- Core values or life goals are fundamentally incompatible
- Trust has been irreparably broken (through repeated cheating, for example)
- You’re only going back because you’re afraid of being alone
- They’ve clearly moved on and are happy without you
Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for both of you is accept that the relationship ran its course.
Use the experience to grow and build better future relationships instead.
Final Thoughts
These 15 strategies I’ve shared work when they come from a place of authenticity and real change. It’s about genuine growth, honest communication, and creating the conditions for a healthier relationship than the one that ended.
If you’re just going through the motions, hoping to win them back without actually addressing the issues that broke you up, you’re setting yourself up for another painful breakup down the road.
Remember, the goal isn’t just getting your ex back, it’s building a relationship that’s actually worth keeping this time 🙂
