Okay, let’s just be real for a hot minute. You’re here because somewhere between the Can you remember those early days when your heart skipped a beat just seeing your husband’s smile? Back then, love felt effortless long conversations, stolen kisses, and dreams of forever. But somewhere between dirty laundry piles, mortgage payments, and late-night arguments about whose turn it is to take out the trash, you may have found yourself thinking, “When did we become… this?”
Believe me, you’re not alone. After working with countless couples over the past fifteen years and from my own 18-year marriage I’ve learned something important: falling out of love isn’t a personal failure. It’s often just life doing what life does. The good news? That spark you miss isn’t gone forever. With intention and patience, you can absolutely fall back in love with your husband.
And no, it doesn’t require pretending to be someone you’re not. What it takes is small, daily choices that nurture connection and remind you why you chose each other in the first place.
Can You Fall Back In Love With Your Husband?
The short answer: Yes, you can.
Love isn’t just a fleeting feeling; it’s also a choice. That butterfly-racing, can’t-eat-can’t-sleep stage? That’s infatuation. Real love is deeper. But sometimes, life gets so hectic we stop feeding it, and slowly, distance creeps in.
Here’s what I’ve learned from both research and real-life couples:
- Love is a decision, not just a feeling. You nurture it through daily actions.
- Patience matters. Rebuilding intimacy is not a microwave meal it takes time.
- New perspectives help. Choosing to see your husband with fresh eyes can reignite affection.
- It takes both of you. One person can start the process, but lasting change requires teamwork.
Even couples on the brink of divorce have rediscovered their spark once they shifted their focus. If they can, so can you.
How Do I Start Liking My Husband Again?
Start by softening your gaze. Instead of only noticing what annoys you, look for the qualities that once made you fall for him. Think back to the “good old days” and try to see him through that lens.
Ask yourself: What shifted? When did the distance begin? Be honest about your role, too. Relationships are built by two people, and change works best when both are willing to adjust.
Reignite curiosity about his world. What’s stressing him out lately? What dreams is he holding quietly inside? Genuine interest can rebuild emotional closeness.
Most importantly, don’t expect instant magic. Falling back in love is a process slow, steady, and intentional.
8 Ways To Fall Back In Love With Your Spouse
Alright, let’s get practical. These aren’t magic tricks that will instantly transform your marriage, but they’re proven strategies that actually work when you commit to them consistently.
1. Make A List Of Things You Love About Your Partner
When a marriage hits a rough patch, it’s natural for the mind to drift toward everything that feels wrong. The little annoyances begin to feel bigger than they are, and before you know it, your focus is consumed by complaints rather than gratitude. This mental pattern makes it harder to notice the good that still exists right in front of you.
One of the most powerful ways to shift this is by creating a “love and appreciation list.” It sounds simple, but it works wonders because it literally retrains your brain to look for positives instead of negatives.
Start small. Find a quiet moment, maybe in the morning with coffee or before bed when the house is calm and reflect on the qualities, habits, and gestures you genuinely appreciate about your husband. These don’t have to be grand or dramatic. In fact, the smaller and more ordinary they are, the better, because it reminds you of the everyday love that quietly holds your relationship together.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- He works hard to provide for the family, even on days when he feels exhausted.
- He always remembers to lock the doors at night so you feel safe.
- He still laughs at your silly jokes, even when you’ve told the same one a hundred times.
- He makes your favorite tea when you’re tired or not feeling well.
- He knows how you like your eggs cooked in the morning.
- He never complains when you binge-watch your favorite series together, even if it’s not his cup of tea.
- He checks the car before a long trip to make sure it’s safe.
- He instinctively reaches for your hand when you cross the street.
Once you start noticing, you’ll be surprised at how long this list can become.
Don’t just keep the list in your journal share it with him from time to time. Slip a sticky note with one thing you appreciate into his wallet, text him during the day to thank him for something specific or read a few of them out loud on a quiet evening together. Hearing your appreciation in your own words can melt walls and open doors to intimacy.
You’ll find yourself smiling when he makes that goofy comment or when he absentmindedly hums his favorite tune. Those little things that once felt invisible begin to shine again, reminding you why you chose him in the first place.
Gratitude doesn’t erase the challenges, but it balances the scales. Instead of only seeing what frustrates you, you start to see the man you fell in love with the one who’s still standing by your side, even through the chaos of life.
When a marriage hits a rough patch, it’s natural for the mind to drift toward everything that feels wrong. The little annoyances begin to feel bigger than they are, and before you know it, your focus is consumed by complaints rather than gratitude. This mental pattern makes it harder to notice the good that still exists right in front of you.
One of the most powerful ways to shift this is by creating a “love and appreciation list.” It sounds simple, but it works wonders because it literally retrains your brain to look for positives instead of negatives.
Start small. Find a quiet moment maybe in the morning with coffee or before bed when the house is calm and reflect on the qualities, habits, and gestures you genuinely appreciate about your husband.
These don’t have to be grand or dramatic. In fact, the smaller and more ordinary they are, the better, because it reminds you of the everyday love that quietly holds your relationship together.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- He works hard to provide for the family, even on days when he feels exhausted.
- He always remembers to lock the doors at night so you feel safe.
- He still laughs at your silly jokes, even when you’ve told the same one a hundred times.
- He makes your favorite tea when you’re tired or not feeling well.
- He knows how you like your eggs cooked in the morning.
- He never complains when you binge-watch your favorite series together, even if it’s not his cup of tea.
- He checks the car before a long trip to make sure it’s safe.
- He instinctively reaches for your hand when you cross the street.
Once you start noticing, you’ll be surprised at how long this list can become.
💡 Pro Tip: Don’t just keep the list in your journal, share it with him from time to time. Slip a sticky note with one thing you appreciate into his wallet, text him during the day to thank him for something specific, or read a few of them out loud on a quiet evening together. Hearing your appreciation in your own words can melt walls and open doors to intimacy.
And here’s the magic: the more you add to the list, the more naturally your perspective shifts. You’ll find yourself smiling when he makes that goofy comment or when he absentmindedly hums his favorite tune. Those little things that once felt invisible begin to shine again, reminding you why you chose him in the first place.
Gratitude doesn’t erase the challenges, but it balances the scales. Instead of only seeing what frustrates you, you start to see the man you fell in love with the one who’s still standing by your side, even through the chaos of life.
Keep this list somewhere you can add to it regularly. The goal is to start shifting your focus from what’s wrong to what’s right.
2. Reminisce About Old Times
When couples drift apart, it’s often because life gets crowded with responsibilities bills, chores, kids, deadlines, family obligations. The everyday noise of life can drown out the laughter, sweetness, and romance that once defined your relationship.
But those beautiful memories? They’re still there, waiting to be remembered. Revisiting them can help you reconnect with the emotions that first brought you together.
Think back to the early days of your love story. What drew you to him? Was it the way he made you laugh, the way he looked at you like you were the only person in the room, or the way he supported your dreams without hesitation? Those moments hold clues to the foundation of your relationship.
Practical ways to reminisce together:
- Pull out old photos or videos. Sit down with a glass of wine or a cup of tea and go through your wedding album, travel pictures, or even those random, candid selfies you both forgot you had. Let the images take you back to the joy and excitement of that season.
- Revisit special places. If possible, plan a casual outing to the spot where you first met, had your first date, or shared your first kiss. Standing in the same place can spark old feelings in powerful ways.
- Bring back old traditions. Did you once have Friday night pizza dates, late-night drives, or silly inside jokes? Try recreating those rituals. They may seem small, but they’re symbolic reminders of your bond.
- Share stories. Talk about how you met, the early days of your marriage, or that funny trip when everything went wrong but you ended up laughing the whole time. Retelling these stories reignites shared joy.
💡 Pro Tip: Create a shared “memory box” or digital album where you can both drop keepsakes, screenshots of old texts, or even love notes. Once in a while, open it together to remind yourselves of the love you’ve built.
The goal isn’t to live in the past but to borrow its warmth. Sometimes, when you’re caught in today’s stress, you forget that you and your husband already built something beautiful once. Reminiscing helps you realize that the spark you’re searching for didn’t vanish it’s simply hidden beneath life’s clutter.
When you allow those old memories to surface, you give your heart permission to soften. You remember that he wasn’t just the man who forgot to take out the trash this morning; he’s also the man who once stayed up all night just to talk to you, or who looked nervous but excited when he asked you to be his forever. That man is still there and reconnecting with your shared past helps you see him again with fresh eyes.
3. Have A Tête-à-tête
Okay, fancy French aside, this just means: you two need to have some real conversations. Not the “did you pay the electric bill?” kind, the deep, vulnerable, scary kind that actually matter.
No relationship thrives without honest, heartfelt communication. And no talking about bills, chores, or the kids doesn’t count.
Have a real conversation where you both share openly. Here’s how:
- Don’t shy away. Even if it feels uncomfortable, avoiding it will only make the distance worse.
- Ask the hard questions. When did we start drifting? What do you need from me now?
- Be open. Vulnerably share your truth, even if it feels scary.
- Don’t blame. This isn’t about pointing fingers it’s about understanding.
- Listen fully. Take turns speaking without interruption. Use a timer if you need to.
- Make resolutions. Write down the changes you’ll both commit to.
If the conversation stalls, there’s no shame in seeking help. A counselor, mentor, or trusted couple can help you navigate these talks with wisdom.
4. Spend Some Time Away From Each Other
It may sound counterintuitive, but a little space can actually heal. This might sound counterintuitive when you’re trying to fall back in love, but sometimes distance really does make the heart grow fonder.
I’m not talking about a trial separation, I’m talking about intentional time apart to gain perspective. Maybe you take a weekend trip with friends, or he goes on that fishing trip he’s been talking about.
The goal is to miss each other. When you’re together 24/7, especially if things have been tense, it’s hard to appreciate what you have. A little space can help you remember why you chose each other.
Use this time to reflect on what you want from your marriage and what you’re willing to contribute to make it better.
Take a short trip with friends, let him enjoy his solo hobbies, or simply create pockets of alone time. When you step away from the routine of “always together,” you often come back with fresh appreciation.
Absence gives perspective. It makes you miss what you had and reminds you of the value of each other’s presence.
5. Go On A Vacation Together
After some intentional space, plan intentional togetherness. A vacation even a simple weekend getaway can work wonders.
Whether it’s a cozy cabin, a beachside hotel, or even a staycation with phones turned off, the key is quality time without distractions. No work emails, no house projects, no endless to-do lists. Just the two of you reconnecting.
Spending time away from each other can build fondness, but spending time together can seal the bond. Going on a vacation together is a good way to bring you closer to each other so you can achieve a stronger connection. You can use this time to work your charm and make your husband fall in love with you again.
Shared adventures, even small ones, create new memories and bring back laughter, playfulness, and romance.
6. Create And Maintain A Talk Ritual
Think of this as “relationship maintenance.” Just like a car needs regular tune-ups, so does your marriage.
Pick a consistent time maybe Sunday morning coffee, a mid-week walk, or nightly chats before bed. Use these moments to check in, not about chores but about each other’s hearts.
Try asking:
- What’s been on your mind this week?
- What are you most excited about right now?
- How can I support you better?
These small but steady conversations build connection brick by brick.
7. Be Intentional About Romance
Romance is one of the key parts of a happy relationship. Think of it like oxygen your love needs it to survive! If you want to fall back in love with your husband, you need to make romance a priority. Here are some simple ways to do that:
Step Up in the Bedroom
Try new things and keep intimacy exciting. Couples who enjoy a healthy sex life are often happier.
Show Affection
Romance isn’t only about sex. Small actions matter too, like kissing his forehead, cuddling, or sending sweet messages while he’s at work to remind him you’re thinking of him.
Give Compliments
Men also like to feel loved and appreciated. Don’t hold back on telling him what you admire about him.
Build Romantic Routines
Create daily habits, like a loving morning routine, to strengthen your connection.
You can also plan date nights or surprise him with thoughtful gifts. These little acts of love will keep the spark alive and help him fall in love with you all over again.
Romance in long-term relationships doesn’t just “happen.” It has to be created.
- In the bedroom. Start with small gestures of touch holding hands, longer hugs, brushing his arm. Physical intimacy grows step by step.
- In everyday life. Send a flirty text, leave a love note in his wallet, or compliment his smile.
- With routines. Try little rituals: a morning kiss before leaving, or sharing one highlight of your day before sleeping.
Remember romance isn’t only about grand gestures. It’s in the daily choices to make your partner feel seen, wanted, and cherished.
8. Do New Things Together
Monotony kills passion, but novelty revives it. Doing something new together can help you see each other in a different light.
Try out a new restaurant, sign up for a cooking class, start a small DIY project, or explore a part of your city you’ve never visited.
Bringing some innovations into your relationship is also how to fall back in love with your husband. For instance, listen to relationship podcasts together, create a playlist of your favorite love songs, and redecorate your bedroom! Doing things together would help you build trust and foster a deeper connection.
These fresh experiences bond you and remind you that you’re still a team capable of fun, laughter, and adventure.
Final Words
Falling back in love isn’t about recreating the past. It’s about choosing to write a new chapter, one where both of you grow stronger together.
Yes, it takes time. Yes, there will be setbacks. Some days you’ll feel closer; other days, you’ll feel like you’re drifting again. That’s normal. But every small choice to listen, to appreciate, to be kind, to stay curious is like adding another spark to your fire.
The fact that you’re here, reading this, means you’re already fighting for your marriage. And that alone is powerful.
