Romance feels dead in your relationship? Don’t worry, you’re definitely not alone in this struggle. 🙂 After years of working with couples who’ve lost that spark, I can tell you that romance isn’t some magical trait you either have or don’t have. It’s a skill you can learn and improve, just like cooking or driving.
Whether you’ve been together for three months or thirty years, you can absolutely reignite that romantic connection.
Ready to become the partner who makes your significant other’s heart skip a beat again? Let’s explore how to bring genuine romance back into your relationship.
What Romance Really Means
Before we jump into specific strategies, let’s get clear about what romance actually is. Romance is intentional affection expressed through thoughtful words and actions. It’s not about being perfect or spending tons of money. It’s about paying attention to your partner and showing love in ways that matter to them.
Romance thrives on the little things. A gentle touch on their shoulder when you pass by, remembering their favorite coffee order, or sending a sweet text during their stressful workday. These small gestures create emotional connection and intimacy.
I’ve worked with couples who thought romance meant elaborate date nights and expensive jewelry. While those things can be nice, the most romantic partners I know are masters of everyday thoughtfulness.
How To Be Romantic In A Relationship
Whether you’re trying to rebuild romance or just want to strengthen what you already have, these strategies will help you become more intentional about showing love. Romance isn’t a one-time event; it’s a consistent approach to your relationship.
1. Understand His Demands And Shortcomings
Accept your partner’s imperfections instead of trying to fix them. This might sound unromantic, but it’s actually the foundation of true romance. When you love someone despite their flaws, that’s incredibly attractive.
Everyone has quirks, bad habits, and areas where they struggle. Romantic partners offer support in weak areas without making their partner feel judged or inadequate.
I worked with Lisa, who constantly criticized her husband’s messiness. Once she started quietly organizing his space without comments or complaints, he began doing the same for her in areas where she struggled. Understanding leads to mutual support, which feels romantic to both people.
2. Give Gifts
Gift-giving isn’t about the price tag; it’s about showing you pay attention. The most romantic gifts demonstrate that you notice what your partner likes, needs, or has mentioned wanting.
Maybe he mentioned loving a specific author, or you noticed his favorite mug has a crack in it. Thoughtful gifts show you listen and care enough to act on what you’ve learned.
I recommend keeping a running list on your phone of things your partner mentions liking or needing. When gift occasions arise, you’ll have perfect ideas ready. For easy gift inspiration, check out sites like Uncommon Goods or Etsy for unique, personal options.
3. Show Appreciation For Your Partner
Appreciation is romantic fuel. Most people are starving for genuine recognition and praise from their partner. When you regularly acknowledge your partner’s positive qualities and actions, you create an atmosphere where romance can flourish.
Be specific in your appreciation. Instead of “thanks for helping,” try “I really appreciate how you handled that difficult phone call. Your patience and problem-solving skills impressed me.”
Make appreciation a daily habit. Look for opportunities to notice and acknowledge what your partner does well. This creates positive momentum in your relationship.
4. Be Spontaneous
Spontaneity breaks routine and creates memorable moments. You don’t need to plan elaborate surprises; small, unexpected gestures can be incredibly romantic.
Pull your partner into an impromptu dance in the kitchen while dinner cooks. Suggest a random drive to get ice cream. The element of surprise makes ordinary moments feel special.
One client, David, started leaving little surprise notes in his wife’s car before she left for work. She told me these unexpected discoveries made her entire day brighter. Spontaneity shows playfulness and thoughtfulness combined.
5. Be Thoughtful
Thoughtfulness means anticipating your partner’s needs and preferences. Pay attention to their daily routine, stress points, and things that bring them joy.
If your partner has a big presentation at work, surprise them with their favorite breakfast that morning. When they’re sick, show up with soup and medicine without being asked. These actions say, “I see you, I care about you, and I want to make your life easier.”
Thoughtfulness extends to small daily interactions, too. Remember to ask about things they’ve mentioned caring about. Follow up on their job interview, their friend’s health issue, or their workout goals.
6. Write Your Partner A Love Poem
Written words create lasting reminders of your love. You don’t need to be a poet; heartfelt trumps perfect every time. Write about specific things you love about your partner or a favorite memory you share.
Get creative with delivery. Slip the note into their laptop bag, tape it to their bathroom mirror, or leave it on their car windshield. The surprise element makes the gesture even more romantic.
If writing feels intimidating, start simple. Even a few sentences about why you’re grateful for them can be incredibly meaningful. For inspiration, check out poetry websites like Poetry Foundation or apps like Verse.
7. Celebrate Even Small Wins
Recognition makes people feel valued and loved. Don’t wait for major milestones to celebrate your partner’s achievements. Acknowledge their small wins, progress, and efforts.
Did they stick to their exercise routine this week? Land a new client? Handle a difficult family situation well? Create mini celebrations that show you notice and care about their growth and success.
This might mean their favorite takeout dinner, a small bouquet, or just enthusiastic verbal recognition. The key is making them feel seen and appreciated for their efforts.
8. Express Your Feelings
Verbal appreciation and affection are incredibly romantic. Many people assume their partner knows how they feel, but everyone needs to hear it regularly. Be specific about what you love and appreciate.
Instead of generic “I love you,” try “I love how thoughtful you are with our friends” or “I’m attracted to your confidence when you’re passionate about something.” Specific compliments feel more genuine and impactful.
Make expressing feelings a regular habit, not just something you do during fights or special occasions. Daily emotional expression builds romantic connection over time.
9. Prioritize Your Partner
Making your partner a priority shows they matter more than other demands on your time. This doesn’t mean neglecting everything else, but it does mean protecting time and energy for your relationship.
Put away your phone during conversations. Plan regular one-on-one time together. Show through your actions that your relationship deserves your attention and investment.
I see too many couples who love each other but don’t prioritize each other. Romance requires intentional time and focuses to survive.
10. Do Some Adventure
Shared adventures create romantic memories and bonding opportunities. You don’t need expensive trips; the goal is doing something different together that gets you both excited.
Try a new hiking trail, take a cooking class, or explore a nearby town you’ve never visited. Novel experiences trigger feelings of excitement that can reignite romantic attraction.
Plan a surprise adventure based on your partner’s interests. Love history? Visit a local museum or historic site. Thoughtful adventures show you want to create special experiences together.
For adventure ideas, check out apps like Eventbrite for local activities or Groupon for discounted experience deals.
11. Ignite Your Bedroom
Physical intimacy and romance are deeply connected. This doesn’t just mean sex; it includes all forms of physical affection that create closeness and attraction.
Focus on non-sexual touch throughout the day: hand-holding, hugs, gentle touches while talking. Building physical connection outside the bedroom enhances romance inside it.
Create a romantic bedroom environment. Clean sheets, soft lighting, and minimal distractions help set a mood that encourages intimacy and connection.
12. Pamper Your Partner In Public
Public displays of affection and appreciation feel incredibly romantic. Brag about your partner to friends, hold their hand in public, or give them a quick kiss while you’re out together.
Showing pride in your relationship publicly demonstrates commitment and love. It tells your partner and the world that you’re happy to be with them.
This doesn’t mean over-the-top PDA that makes everyone uncomfortable. Simple gestures like holding hands or putting your arm around them send clear romantic messages.
13. Learn Your Partner’s Love Language
Understanding how your partner receives love most effectively is crucial for romance. The five love languages (words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch) help you focus your romantic efforts.
Take the free assessment together at 5lovelanguages.com to discover each other’s primary love languages. When you speak your partner’s love language consistently, they feel more loved and connected.
If their love language is acts of service, doing their laundry is more romantic than buying flowers. Match your romantic gestures to how your partner best receives love.
14. Kiss Him Good Morning And Goodnight
Bookend your days with physical affection. Make morning and goodnight kisses intentional moments of connection rather than quick pecks while you’re rushing around.
Look into your partner’s eyes, take a breath, and be present for these moments. This simple practice can dramatically increase feelings of romantic connection.
Many couples let these small rituals disappear over time. Bringing them back signals renewed commitment to romance and intimacy.
15. Give A Massage
Massage combines physical touch with focused attention on your partner’s wellbeing. You don’t need professional skills; the intention to help them relax and feel good is what matters.
Create a peaceful environment with soft music and maybe some massage oil or lotion. Focus on being present and attentive to what feels good for your partner.
Massage naturally leads to increased physical intimacy and emotional connection. It’s a perfect way to transition from daily stress into romantic time together.
16. Shower Together
Shared intimate activities create romantic bonding opportunities. Showering together combines physical closeness with privacy and relaxation.
The key is focusing on connection rather than just physical attraction. Take turns washing each other’s hair, talk about your day, or just enjoy being close without outside distractions.
These moments of vulnerability and care build a deeper romantic connection. Intimacy grows when you share everyday activities in special ways.
17. Forgive Past Misdeeds
Resentment kills romance faster than almost anything else. If you’re holding onto past hurts, anger, or disappointments, romance cannot flourish in that emotional environment.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending problems didn’t happen or that boundaries aren’t important. It means choosing not to let past issues poison your present relationship.
Work through conflicts completely rather than letting them simmer. Unresolved issues create emotional distance that makes a romantic connection difficult.
Consider couples counseling if you struggle with forgiveness or communication. Apps like BetterHelp or Talkspace make therapy more accessible if in-person options aren’t available.
Why Romance Matters in Relationships
Romance keeps emotional and physical attraction alive long-term. Without consistent romantic gestures and attitudes, couples often become more like roommates than lovers.
Romance creates positive emotional associations with your partner. When someone consistently makes you feel special, appreciated, and desired, you naturally want to be around them more.
Romantic relationships are also more resilient during difficult times. Couples with strong romantic foundations weather stress, conflict, and life changes more successfully.
Common Romance Mistakes to Avoid
Don’t assume expensive equals romantic. Your partner would probably prefer genuine attention and thoughtfulness over costly gifts that feel impersonal.
Avoid making romance conditional on special occasions. Valentine’s Day and anniversaries are nice, but romance should be woven into daily life, not saved for calendar events.
Don’t use romance as manipulation or to avoid addressing relationship problems. Authentic romance comes from genuine care and appreciation, not from trying to get something or smooth over issues.
IMO, the biggest mistake is thinking romance is only for the beginning of relationships. Long-term couples need romance even more than new ones do.
Making Romance a Habit
Start small and build consistency rather than trying to transform everything overnight. Choose two or three romantic gestures that feel natural and sustainable for you.
Pay attention to your partner’s responses. What makes them light up? What seems to increase their affection and connection with you? Double down on what works.
Create romantic rituals that become part of your routine. Maybe it’s coffee together every Sunday morning or a five-minute conversation before bed each night. Consistent small gestures build romantic momentum over time.
Final Thoughts
Romance is a skill that improves with practice and attention. The most romantic people aren’t naturally gifted; they’ve made romance a priority and developed habits that consistently show love and appreciation.
Every relationship can benefit from increased romance, whether you’re newlyweds or celebrating decades together. Start with one or two strategies that resonate with you and commit to practicing them consistently for a few weeks.
Which of these romantic strategies feels most natural for your personality? What small change could you make this week to show your partner more love and appreciation? The best time to start being more romantic is right now.
