Your heart feels like someone took a sledgehammer to it. You can’t eat. You can’t sleep. Every song reminds you of them. Your phone feels like it weighs a thousand pounds because you keep checking to see if they’ve texted.
The worst part? Everyone keeps telling you, “You’ll be fine” and “time heals all wounds,” like that somehow makes the crushing weight on your chest disappear.
I’ve sat with hundreds of people in the immediate aftermath of breakups. I’ve watched them sob through entire boxes of tissues. I’ve listened to them question everything about themselves and their worth.
I’ve also watched those same people rebuild themselves into stronger, happier versions than they were before. So, trust me when I say this: you will survive this. But you need to actively participate in your healing, not just wait around hoping the pain magically disappears.
Let me walk you through exactly how to move on after a breakup. Not the Instagram version where you’re perfectly fine three days later. The real, messy, sometimes ugly process that actually works.
15 Tips For Moving On After A Breakup
These aren’t just suggestions I pulled from some psychology textbook. These are the actual strategies that work when you’re in the thick of heartbreak and can’t see your way out.
1. Cut Off Contact
I know what you’re thinking. “But we can be friends, right? We’re mature adults.” Stop right there. You cannot be friends with your ex immediately after a breakup. I don’t care how amicably it ended or how much you both claim to care about each other.
Staying in contact keeps you emotionally tethered to someone you’re supposed to be moving on from. Every text, every call, every “just checking in” message reopens the wound you’re trying to heal. You’re essentially picking at a scab and wondering why it won’t heal.
Cut contact completely. No texting. No calling. No “accidentally” running into them. No checking in to see how they’re doing. Nothing. This is non-negotiable if you actually want to heal.
I had a client who insisted she could stay friends with her ex. Six months later, she was still crying in my office because seeing his posts and getting his occasional texts kept her stuck in emotional limbo. When she finally blocked him completely, she healed faster than she thought possible.
If you share kids or have legitimate reasons to communicate, keep it strictly business. Short, factual, necessary information only. Everything else is just feeding the emotional connection you’re trying to break.
2. Delete Old Messages And Pictures
This one hurts, and I’m not going to sugarcoat it. Deleting photos and messages feels like erasing a part of your life. But you know what’s worse? Having constant reminders of your ex sends you spiraling every time you see them.
Those late-night “I love you” texts? Delete them. The photos from that perfect vacation? Delete them. The screenshots of funny conversations? Delete them all. You’re not erasing history. You’re removing triggers that keep you stuck.
I know you’re thinking maybe you’ll want them someday. Maybe you’ll look back fondly when enough time has passed. Great. If that day comes, you can ask for them back. But right now, they’re poison to your healing process.
If you absolutely cannot bring yourself to delete everything, at least move it somewhere you won’t accidentally stumble across it. External hard drive, cloud storage, give it to a friend. Just get it out of your immediate access.
Every time you reread those messages or scroll through old photos, you’re reopening the wound. You’re choosing pain over healing. Stop doing that to yourself.
3. Avoid Checking Their Social Media
Real talk: stalking your ex’s social media is self-harm. You’re deliberately looking for things that will hurt you, and trust me, you’ll find them.
Maybe you’ll see they’re out having fun without you. Maybe they’ve already moved on to someone new. Maybe they look perfectly fine while you’re falling apart. None of this information helps you heal. All it does is torture you with comparisons and speculation.
Block them. Unfollow them. Do whatever you need to do to remove the temptation. And yes, that includes not checking through your friend’s accounts or creating fake profiles to stalk them. I know you’ve thought about it. Don’t do it.
I’ve counseled people who spent hours analyzing their ex’s every post, like, and comment. They were essentially running an FBI investigation into someone’s life while their own life fell apart. That’s not moving on. That’s choosing to stay stuck.
Your ex’s life is no longer your business. What they do, who they’re with, how happy they seem, none of it matters anymore. Focus on your own healing instead of monitoring their every move.
4. Stay Busy With Hobbies
An idle mind after a breakup is dangerous. When you’re not actively doing something, you’re probably thinking about your ex. And those thoughts spiral fast.
Fill your time with activities you genuinely enjoy or have always wanted to try. This isn’t about distraction for distraction’s sake. It’s about rebuilding your identity outside of the relationship.
Pick up that guitar you’ve been ignoring. Start that painting class. Learn to cook something besides scrambled eggs. Join a sports league. Start writing. Do anything that engages your brain and gives you something to focus on besides your heartbreak.
Here’s what hobbies do that dwelling doesn’t: they remind you that you’re a complete person with interests and talents. They give you accomplishments to feel good about. They provide structure to your days. They introduce you to new people and possibilities.
One of my clients threw herself into pottery after her breakup. She’d never done it before, but it required so much focus that her mind couldn’t wander to her ex. Six months later, she had a new skill, a new social circle from her pottery class, and had barely thought about her ex in weeks.
5. Exercise Regularly
I’m going to sound like every wellness guru on the planet here, but exercise genuinely changes your brain chemistry in ways that help with heartbreak.
When you work out, your body releases endorphins. Those are the feel-good chemicals that naturally improve your mood. You’re essentially giving yourself a legal high that counters the depression and anxiety that often follow breakups.
You don’t need to become a gym rat or train for a marathon. Just move your body regularly. Walk, run, bike, swim, dance, lift weights, do yoga, whatever appeals to you. The activity matters less than the consistency.
Exercise also gives you visible progress. You get stronger. You get faster. You build endurance. Unlike healing from heartbreak, which feels invisible and endless, fitness gives you tangible proof that effort leads to improvement. That mindset shift helps tremendously.
Plus, taking care of your body is a form of self-love. You’re showing yourself that you’re worth the effort, that you deserve to feel good, that you matter. Those messages are crucial when heartbreak makes you question your worth.
6. Spend Time With Supportive Friends And Family
Do not isolate yourself. I know you want to. I know it feels easier to hide under blankets and avoid the world. But isolation makes everything worse.
Reach out to the people who actually love you. The ones who’ll let you cry, who’ll distract you when you need it, who’ll remind you of your worth when you’ve forgotten. You need those people right now.
Friends and family provide the perspective you can’t see when you’re drowning in heartbreak. They remind you of who you were before the relationship. They show you that you’re loved and valued regardless of your relationship status. They give you reasons to get out of bed and shower.
I’m not saying you need to be social 24/7 or pretend you’re fine. But spending time with people who care about you is medicine for your soul. It counters the loneliness and reminds you that one relationship ending doesn’t mean you’re unlovable.
Choose your support system wisely, though. Avoid the friends who’ll just trash your ex without helping you heal. Avoid people who pressure you to move on before you’re ready. Seek out the ones who listen, validate your feelings, and gently encourage your growth.
7. Journal Your Thoughts And Feelings
Writing is therapy you can do at 3 AM when you can’t sleep and don’t want to bother anyone. And trust me, those middle-of-the-night spirals are when you need help most.
Journaling lets you process emotions without judgment. You can be angry, sad, petty, hopeful, whatever you’re feeling, without worrying about anyone else’s reaction. It’s your private space to be completely honest about where you’re at.
Write about what you’re feeling each day. Write about what you miss. Write about what you don’t miss. Write about your fears, your hopes, your confusion. Get it all out of your head and onto paper.
Here’s something powerful: when you journal regularly, you can look back and see your progress. You’ll notice that the entry from three weeks ago sounds more desperate than today’s entry. That visible proof of healing is incredibly motivating. FYI, it also helps you recognize patterns in your emotions and triggers.
I recommend my clients journal for at least 10 minutes every morning or evening. Make it a ritual. Pour your heart out, then close the journal and move forward with your day. Don’t carry all those swirling thoughts around in your head all day.
8. Set New Personal Goals
Your goals probably included your ex. Now they can’t. That’s disorienting, but it’s also an opportunity to create a vision for your life that’s entirely yours.
Set goals that have nothing to do with relationships. Career goals. Fitness goals. Financial goals. Creative goals. Travel goals. Whatever matters to you personally, independent of romantic partnership.
Goals give you direction when everything feels aimless. They give you something to work toward when you feel stuck. They remind you that your life has purpose beyond romantic relationships.
Start small if big goals feel overwhelming. Maybe this week’s goal is to go three days without crying. Next week, maybe it’s time to try a new activity. Build from there. The size of the goal matters less than having something to aim for.
I’ve watched clients transform their lives post-breakup by setting ambitious personal goals. One woman finally started the business she’d been dreaming about. Another went back to school. One traveled solo for the first time. Their breakups became catalysts for becoming who they always wanted to be.
9. Change Up Your Routine
Everything about your routine probably reminds you of your ex. The coffee shop you went to together. The route you walked. The shows you watched. Time to change all of it.
Changing your routine breaks associations between everyday activities and memories of your ex. It creates new patterns that don’t include them. It forces you into new experiences instead of living in the past.
Try a different coffee shop. Take a new route to work. Rearrange your furniture. Change your morning ritual. Shop at different stores. Even small changes disrupt the constant reminders and give you a sense of newness.
A client of mine couldn’t stop thinking about her ex every morning because they had a coffee routine together. When she switched to tea and changed her entire morning routine, she broke that mental association. Mornings stopped being painful because they were no longer tied to her ex.
Create a routine that’s entirely yours. One that makes you excited to wake up instead of dreading the day ahead. You’re building a new life. Start with new patterns.
10. Travel Or Explore New Places
New environments create new memories that don’t include your ex. This is crucial for breaking the constant mental loop of association.
You don’t need to book a flight to Paris (though if you can, do it). Just explore parts of your city you’ve never visited. Take day trips to nearby towns. Visit museums, parks, and restaurants you’ve never tried. Create experiences that are entirely yours.
Travel reminds you that the world is bigger than your heartbreak. It shows you there’s more to life than this relationship that ended. It provides perspective and adventure when you feel stuck and small.
I encourage clients to plan at least one trip, even if it’s just a weekend getaway. Having something to look forward to helps tremendously when you’re struggling. And the new experiences you create become part of your new identity post-breakup.
Solo travel is particularly powerful. It teaches you to rely on yourself, make your own decisions, and enjoy your own company. Those lessons are gold when you’re rebuilding after a relationship ends.
11. Listen To Uplifting Music And Podcasts
Your breakup playlist matters more than you think. Music affects mood profoundly, and right now, you need all the mood-boosting help you can get.
Ditch the sad breakup songs for a while. I know they feel cathartic, but wallowing in sad music keeps you in that sad emotional state. Switch to uplifting, empowering music that makes you feel strong and hopeful.
Create playlists for different moods. Angry and need to release it? There’s music for that. Feeling strong and ready to conquer? Different playlist. Want to feel hopeful about the future? Another playlist. Use music strategically to shift your emotional state.
Podcasts are equally valuable. Find ones about personal growth, healing, self-improvement, or just topics that interest you. They give you new information to think about instead of obsessing over your ex. They provide company without requiring social interaction.
Listen while you exercise, commute, cook, or fall asleep. Fill the silence with voices that encourage and inspire rather than letting your mind spiral into painful thoughts.
12. Practice Self-Care And Pampering
Heartbreak makes you forget to take care of yourself. You skip showers, eat terribly, and stop caring about appearance or health. Stop neglecting yourself. You need self-care now more than ever.
Treat yourself with the kindness you’d show a friend going through heartbreak. Get enough sleep. Eat nutritious food. Take long baths. Get a massage. Buy yourself flowers. Wear clothes that make you feel good. Take care of your skin.
Self-care sends a message to yourself that you matter, that you’re worth the effort, that you deserve good things. Those messages counter the negative self-talk that often follows rejection.
Book that haircut you’ve been considering. Try that new skincare routine. Take yourself on solo dates. Create moments of pleasure and comfort in your daily life. These aren’t luxuries. They’re necessities for healing.
One client started a weekly “me date” where she’d take herself somewhere nice, dress up, and enjoy her own company. It completely shifted how she felt about herself and her ability to be happy alone.
13. Avoid Rebound Relationships
Do not jump into a new relationship to avoid dealing with your feelings. That never works. Ever. It just creates more mess.
Rebound relationships are Band-Aids on bullet wounds. They provide temporary relief but don’t address the actual injury. You’re using another person to avoid feeling your pain, and that’s not fair to either of you.
Take time to actually heal. Process your emotions. Learn from the relationship that ended. Figure out who you are as a single person. Then, when you’re actually ready, pursue new connections.
How do you know you’re ready? When you’re dating because you want to, not because you’re trying to fill a void. When you can think about your ex without spiraling. When you’re excited about someone new for who they are, not for how they distract you from your pain.
I’ve counseled too many people who serial-dated after breakups, wondering why they kept ending up in the same patterns. Because they never healed from the first one. Don’t be that person 🙂
14. Seek Therapy Or Counseling If Needed
There’s zero shame in needing professional help to process a breakup. In fact, it shows strength and self-awareness to recognize when you need support.
If you’re struggling to function, if the pain feels unbearable, if you can’t stop obsessing, if depression or anxiety are overwhelming, talk to a therapist. They provide tools and perspectives you can’t access alone.
Therapy creates a safe space to process all your messy emotions without burdening friends and family. A good therapist helps you identify unhealthy patterns, work through pain, and develop better coping strategies for the future.
I’ve watched therapy transform people’s healing journeys. What might have taken years of struggling alone becomes manageable in months with professional guidance. Don’t suffer longer than necessary because you’re too proud to ask for help.
Many therapy options exist now, including online platforms that make it more accessible and affordable. Find what works for you and commit to the process.
15. Trust That Time Will Heal
This is the advice everyone gives that feels completely useless when you’re in pain. But time genuinely does heal heartbreak. Not because time itself is magic, but because time plus intentional healing work equals progress.
You won’t wake up one day, suddenly over it. Healing happens gradually. One day, you realize you went a few hours without thinking about them. Then a day. Then you can talk about the relationship without crying. Then you can hear their name without your stomach dropping.
Be patient with yourself. There’s no timeline for healing. Some people bounce back in weeks. Others need months or longer. Both are completely normal. Stop comparing your healing to anyone else’s journey.
What you’re going through right now, this crushing pain, it won’t last forever. I promise you that. Every person I’ve counseled through heartbreak has eventually emerged on the other side, usually surprised by how good they feel again.
Trust the process. Keep doing the work. Be gentle with yourself on hard days. Celebrate progress on good days. You’re healing even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Final Thoughts
Breakups hurt. There’s no easy way around it. But they don’t have to break you. They can push you to grow into the person you were meant to be.
Healing takes effort. Time alone won’t fix everything. You have to take part in your own recovery, one step at a time.
Some days you’ll feel strong and hopeful. Other days you’ll slip back and wonder if the pain will ever fade. Both are normal. Don’t be hard on yourself for struggling.
What matters is that you keep moving forward. Keep using these steps even when you don’t feel like it. Keep choosing yourself even when you want to text your ex. Keep believing you deserve love, even when you feel lost.
You are not your breakup. You are not less because someone walked away. You are not broken. You are healing, learning, and growing, and that’s something to be proud of.
The person you’re becoming through this pain is stronger and wiser. That future you is already proud of how far you’ve come. Keep going. You can do this.
