Anyone who tells you marriage is either lying or hasn’t been married long enough. But here’s what I’ve learned from years of working with couples: the marriages that thrive aren’t the ones without problems; they’re the ones where both partners consistently do the small things that matter.
You know what’s funny? Most couples come to me expecting I’ll give them some magical, life-changing advice that’ll fix everything overnight.
Then I tell them the real secret: it’s the tiny, everyday actions that transform marriages, not grand romantic gestures or expensive therapy sessions (though therapy is great when you need it).
Think about it. Your marriage didn’t fall apart because of one big catastrophe. It slowly drifted because you stopped doing those little things you used to do when you were dating.
Things Like: You stopped saying thank you, stopped holding hands. You started treating each other like roommates instead of lovers.
You can fix this, you don’t need a complete relationship overhaul or a week-long couples retreat in Bali (though that sounds nice). You just need to start implementing small, consistent habits that rebuild connection, appreciation, and intimacy.
I’m sharing 12 practical ways to improve your marriage that actually work in real life, not just in romantic movies or Instagram posts. These are the strategies I recommend to every couple I work with, and they’re the same ones that saved my own marriage during our roughest patch.
Ready to stop just surviving your marriage and start actually enjoying it again?
12 Little Ways To Improve Your Marriage
These aren’t complicated. They don’t require tons of time or money. They just require you to decide your marriage is worth the effort.
1. Say “Thank You” More Often
When’s the last time you actually thanked your partner for the stuff they do every single day? I’m guessing it’s been a while.
We get so comfortable in marriage that we start treating our partners like unpaid employees. They do the dishes, take out the trash, handle bedtime routines, manage schedules, and we just… expect it. Zero acknowledgment.
Zero appreciation.
Here’s what happens: your partner starts feeling invisible and taken for granted. They keep doing things because they’re responsible adults, but the resentment builds quietly in the background.
Then one day you’re fighting about something stupid, and suddenly it’s actually about five years of unappreciated effort.
Gratitude is relationship magic. When you thank your partner for ordinary things, you’re telling them “I see you. I notice what you do. I appreciate your effort.” That acknowledgment matters more than you realize.
I started thanking my husband for things I used to ignore, making coffee, fixing the leaky faucet, picking up groceries on his way home. His entire demeanor changed. He started doing those things with more enthusiasm because he felt appreciated instead of obligated.
Things worth thanking your partner for:
Making dinner (even if it’s just reheating leftovers)
- Handling kid pickups or pet care
- Working to provide for the family
- Listening when you vent about work
- Keeping the house running smoothly
- Being patient during stressful times
Make it specific. “Thank you for unloading the dishwasher” hits different than a generic “thanks for everything.” Your partner needs to know you actually notice their specific contributions.
2. Hold Hands Regularly
Physical touch is a human need, not a luxury. Yet most married couples stop touching each other unless it’s sexual. That’s a huge problem.
Holding hands is simple, non-sexual physical connection that screams “we’re a team.” It’s public affection that signals to the world (and to yourselves) that you’re still choosing each other.
When you hold hands while walking, sitting on the couch, or even just standing in line at the grocery store, you’re maintaining physical intimacy without any pressure or expectation. That matters tremendously for emotional connection.
I challenge every couple I work with to hold hands daily for at least five minutes. Sounds silly, right? But couples report feeling more connected, more affectionate, and more like partners instead of coworkers living together.
Benefits of regular hand-holding:
- Releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone)
- Reduces stress and anxiety
- Lowers blood pressure
- Creates feelings of safety and security
- Maintains physical connection between sexual encounters
If you’ve gotten out of the habit, it might feel awkward at first. Do it anyway. Reach for your partner’s hand while watching TV tonight. Hold hands during your morning coffee. Make it a non-negotiable daily practice.
Your marriage needs physical touch like plants need water. Don’t let it dry up completely before you remember to nourish it.
3. Schedule Regular Date Nights
If you’re not actively planning time together, you’re actively planning to drift apart. That’s not dramatic, that’s reality.
Life gets busy. Work demands pile up. Kids need attention. The house needs cleaning. Before you know it, weeks have passed and you’ve barely had a real conversation with your spouse, let alone quality time together.
Date nights aren’t optional maintenance, they’re essential maintenance. They give you dedicated time to remember you’re lovers, not just co-parents or co-managers of household chaos.
One couple I worked with swore they were “too busy” for date nights. I asked them how much time they spent scrolling social media each week. Suddenly they found two free hours. Funny how that works.
Date night doesn’t require expensive restaurants or elaborate plans. It’s about intentional time together without distractions. Stay home and cook together. Take a walk in your neighborhood. Play board games after the kids are asleep. What matters is you’re present with each other.
Make date nights work:
- Schedule them in advance (use Google Calendar so they’re non-negotiable)
- Take turns planning so both partners contribute
- Try the Paired app for date ideas and conversation starters
- Make phones off-limits during your date
- Alternate between trying new things and enjoying familiar favorites
- Don’t discuss heavy topics or solve problems, save that for other times
Consistency matters more than perfection. Weekly date nights are ideal, but if that’s unrealistic, commit to bi- weekly. Just don’t let months pass without dedicated couple time.
4. Communicate Openly About Your Day
Most couples think they communicate, but they’re really just exchanging logistics. “Did you pay the water bill?” “What’s for dinner?” “Can you pick up the kids?” That’s coordination, not communication.
Real communication means sharing your inner world, your thoughts, feelings, frustrations, and victories throughout the day. It means your partner knows what’s happening in your life beyond surface-level facts.
When you stop sharing daily experiences, you slowly become strangers living in the same house. You lose the thread of each other’s lives. Suddenly you realize you don’t actually know what your partner thinks or feels about anything anymore.
I recommend a daily check-in ritual. Spend 15-20 minutes sharing your day with genuine detail. Not just “work was fine,” but what actually happened that made you frustrated, excited, or thoughtful.
What meaningful daily communication looks like:
- Sharing something that challenged you today
- Talking about an interaction that made you think
- Expressing a worry or concern you’ve been carrying
- Celebrating a small win nobody else would notice
- Asking your partner questions that go beyond yes/no answers
Try the Gottman Card Decks App for conversation prompts if you’re rusty at meaningful dialogue. Use open- ended questions: “What was the hardest part of your day?” instead of “How was your day?”
Active listening matters just as much as sharing. Put your phone down. Make eye contact. Ask follow-up questions. Show your partner their experiences matter to you.
5. Compliment Each Other Daily
Compliments are free relationship fuel. Yet most married couples stop complimenting each other because they assume their partner already knows how they feel. Wrong assumption.
Your partner needs to hear positive affirmations regularly, not once on their birthday, not occasionally when you remember, but consistently. Compliments combat the natural negativity bias your brain defaults to during stress.
I’ve seen marriages transform when couples commit to one genuine compliment daily. It shifts the entire emotional atmosphere from criticism and complaint to appreciation and admiration.
Effective compliments hit these areas:
- Physical appearance (“You look incredible in that shirt”)
- Character qualities (“I love how patient you are with the kids”)
- Actions and efforts (“Thank you for handling that difficult conversation”)
- Intelligence and skills (“You’re so good at solving problems”)
- Overall impact (“My life is better because you’re in it”)
Make them specific and genuine. “You’re great” is nice but vague. “The way you handled that stressful situation with your boss today showed real courage” is powerful because it’s specific and observant.
Warning: Don’t use compliment time to sandwich criticism. “You look nice today, but usually you don’t put in effort” is not a compliment, it’s an insult disguised as praise. Keep compliments pure and positive.
Write down compliments if verbal delivery feels awkward. Leave notes in your partner’s lunch, send texts during the day, or keep a running list in a shared Notion document.
Your partner should never have to guess whether you still find them attractive, valuable, or worth celebrating. Tell them directly, frequently, and specifically.
6. Show Appreciation With Small Gestures
Grand gestures get attention. Small gestures build marriages. IMO, this is where most couples mess up, they’re waiting for the perfect moment or big occasion to show love, meanwhile doing nothing in the everyday.
Small gestures are the relationship equivalent of compound interest. They seem insignificant individually, but they accumulate into profound impact over time. They say “I’m thinking about you even when you’re not looking.”
One client felt completely neglected in her marriage. Her husband thought because he worked hard and provided financially, he was doing his part. He never did small, thoughtful things.
When I challenged him to implement one small gesture daily for a month, their entire dynamic shifted. She felt seen and valued. He realized how little effort it actually took to make her happy.
Small gestures that make big impact:
- Making their favorite coffee in the morning
- Filling up their gas tank without being asked
- Bringing home their favorite snack unexpectedly
- Handling a chore they normally do
- Sending a midday “thinking of you” text
- Warming up their towel before they shower
- Queuing up a show they’ve been wanting to watch
- Picking up something small “because it made me think of you”
The key is consistency without expectation of reciprocation or praise. You’re doing it because you love them, period. Not because you want something in return.
Track your gestures in the Lasting relationship app if you need accountability. Sometimes seeing your patterns helps you realize you’ve been neglectful without meaning to be.
7. Be A Good Listener
Here’s a hard truth: most people suck at listening. They’re waiting for their turn to talk, planning their response, or mentally scrolling through their to-do list while their partner speaks.
That’s not listening. That’s just being physically present while mentally checked out. Your partner can tell the difference, and it makes them feel dismissed and unimportant.
Good listening requires genuine presence and curiosity. You’re not just hearing words, you’re trying to understand your partner’s experience, emotions, and perspective. You’re making them feel heard, which is one of the most powerful gifts you can give another human.
I teach a listening technique called reflective listening. When your partner shares something, you summarize what you heard before responding. “So it sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed by work deadlines and wish you had more support.
Did I get that right?” This confirms you actually listened instead of just waiting to speak.
What good listening involves:
- Eliminating distractions (phone away, TV off)
- Making eye contact and facing your partner
- Not interrupting or offering solutions unless asked
- Asking clarifying questions to better understand
- Validating feelings even if you don’t agree with the perspective
- Resisting the urge to make it about you
Bad listening habits to eliminate:
- “Well when I experienced something similar…” (centering yourself)
- “You shouldn’t feel that way” (dismissing their emotions)
- “Here’s what you should do” (unsolicited advice)
- Multitasking while they talk
- Defending yourself before they finish explaining
Practice listening to understand, not listening to respond. That mindset shift alone will dramatically improve your communication quality.
8. Share Household Chores
Nothing kills romance faster than resentment over unequal labor. And nothing builds resentment faster than feeling like you’re the only one keeping the household running.
I’ve seen more marriages suffer from unfair chore distribution than from actual infidelity. One partner is drowning in responsibilities while the other “helps out” occasionally and expects praise. That dynamic breeds contempt faster than you can imagine.
Sharing chores isn’t about splitting everything 50/50 down to the minute, it’s about both partners feeling the load is reasonable and manageable. It’s about operating as a team instead of one person being the manager and the other being a reluctant employee.
Use Tody or OurHome to track and divide household tasks fairly. Seeing the actual distribution of labor makes invisible work visible, which often shocks the partner who thought things were equal.
How to share chores without fighting:
- List everything that needs to happen weekly
- Acknowledge invisible labor (planning, organizing, remembering)
- Let each partner claim tasks they don’t mind doing
- Rotate the stuff nobody wants to do
- Don’t criticize how your partner completes tasks
- Appreciate effort even if the result isn’t perfect
Here’s the thing about household labor: when one partner consistently does more than their fair share, they’re too exhausted for connection, romance, or intimacy. They’re resentful, touched-out, and running on empty.
That’s not sustainable for a healthy marriage.
If you want your partner to have energy for you, make sure they’re not spending all their energy keeping life functioning solo.
9. Apologize When Necessary
Pride destroys more marriages than almost anything else. The inability to admit fault, take responsibility, and genuinely apologize creates walls between partners that eventually become impossible to scale.
I’ve worked with couples who haven’t had a sincere apology in years. They argue, someone’s clearly wrong, but nobody admits it. They just move forward with unresolved hurt and growing resentment until their marriage is basically a collection of unhealed wounds.
A real apology has three parts: acknowledgment of harm, taking responsibility, and commitment to change.
- “I’m sorry you feel that way” isn’t an apology, it’s blame disguised as remorse.
- “I’m sorry I raised my voice during our argument.
That was disrespectful, and I’m working on managing my frustration better” is a real apology.
What genuine apologies include:
- Specific acknowledgment of what you did wrong
- No justifications or excuses
- Recognition of how your actions impacted your partner
- Taking full responsibility without blaming them
- Concrete plan for how you’ll do better
- Follow-through on that commitment
Fake apologies to avoid:
- “I’m sorry, but you…” (that’s not an apology, it’s a counterattack)
- “I’m sorry you’re so sensitive” (blaming them for being hurt)
- “Fine, I’m sorry!” (resentful compliance, not genuine remorse)
- “I already said sorry, what more do you want?” (minimizing their pain)
Apologizing doesn’t make you weak. It makes you mature. It shows your partner that the relationship matters more than your ego. That’s strength, not weakness.
10. Spend Time Without Screens
Your devices are slowly poisoning your marriage. That’s not hyperbole, that’s observable reality in nearly every couple I work with.
You’re physically together but mentally miles apart. One person is scrolling TikTok while the other watches YouTube videos. You’re on the couch together but you’re not actually together. You’re alone together, which might be worse than being actually alone.
Screen-free time isn’t punishment, it’s reclaiming your relationship from technology addiction. It’s remembering what it’s like to just be with each other without constant digital distraction.
I recommend implementing “phone-free zones” in your home. No devices at the dinner table, no screens in the bedroom after 9 PM, and no scrolling during designated couple time. Use Freedom or Forest to block distracting apps during relationship time.
What happens when screens disappear:
- Actual conversations start naturally
- Eye contact returns
- Physical affection increases
- Boredom becomes creativity
- Connection deepens without trying
Try these screen-free activities:
- Cooking dinner together with music playing
- Evening walks around the neighborhood
- Board games or card games
- Working on puzzles together
- Just sitting and talking (remember that?)
- Physical intimacy without phones nearby as distraction
One couple I worked with couldn’t go 20 minutes without checking their phones. I challenged them to one
screen-free evening per week. They were shocked by how much they actually enjoyed each other without digital interference. Now it’s their favorite night of the week.
Your marriage deserves your undivided attention. Give it.
11. Surprise Each Other With Little Gifts
Thoughtful gifts are love language translators. Even if gifts aren’t your primary love language, receiving something unexpected that shows your partner was thinking about you? That hits different.
I’m not talking about expensive jewelry or elaborate presents. I’m talking about your favorite candy bar from the gas station. That book you mentioned wanting weeks ago. Those socks with the silly pattern you’d love but would never buy yourself.
Little gifts say “I pay attention to what makes you happy, and I care about brightening your day.” That attentiveness and care matter more than the dollar value of the gift.
Gifts that show real thought:
- Something they mentioned wanting casually
- Their favorite snack or treat
- A book by an author they love
- Something related to their hobby or interest
- A small item that made you think of them
- Their favorite flowers “just because”
Use Amazon wishlist sharing so you always have gift ideas. Add things your partner mentions to their list so you remember later. The effort of paying attention is the actual gift.
Don’t:
- Give gifts to apologize for bad behavior
- Expect anything in return
- Make it transactional (“I bought you something, so you should…”)
- Only give gifts on obligatory occasions
Make gift-giving spontaneous and unpredictable. The surprise element amplifies the joy. Your partner should occasionally wonder “why did they get me this?” and the answer should be “because I love you and thought you’d enjoy it.”
12. Laugh Together Frequently
Couples who laugh together last together. That’s not a cute saying, it’s backed by relationship research. Shared laughter creates bonds that withstand stress, conflict, and life’s inevitable difficulties.
When’s the last time you and your partner genuinely cracked up together? Not polite chuckles, but real, stomach-hurting, tears-streaming laughter? If you can’t remember, that’s a problem.
Laughter releases endorphins, reduces stress hormones, and creates positive associations with your partner. It’s free relationship medicine, yet most couples stop taking it once life gets serious.
Ways to bring laughter back:
- Watch comedy specials together (find them on Netflix or YouTube)
- Share funny videos or memes throughout the day
- Play silly games that make you laugh
- Tell each other about embarrassing moments
- Do impressions of family members or coworkers (affectionately)
- Recall funny memories from your relationship
Create inside jokes and callbacks. These are relationship glue, references only you two understand that trigger instant laughter and connection.
Don’t take yourselves too seriously. Marriage is hard enough without losing your sense of humor about it.
When you can laugh at yourselves, at life’s absurdities, and at the ridiculous situations you find yourselves in, you’re building resilience and joy simultaneously.
I tell couples: if you’re not laughing together regularly, you’re doing marriage wrong. Find the humor. Be playful. Remember that joy is just as important as responsibility.
Final Thoughts
A thriving marriage isn’t built on grand gestures but on small, consistent acts of love and effort. By focusing on appreciation, communication, connection, and respect, couples can transform their relationship one intentional choice at a time.
Start with a few simple strategies, practice them daily, and watch how small moments create lasting change. In the end, strong marriages endure not because they’re perfect, but because both partners keep showing up and choosing each other every single day.
Pin this for later and start building the marriage you actually want!
