You know that awkward moment when you’re sitting across from your partner and realize you’ve run out of things to talk about?
Yeah, we’ve all been there. Even the strongest couples hit conversation dead ends sometimes.
After working with hundreds of couples in my therapy practice, I’ve learned something crucial: asking the right questions can completely transform your connection.
And “this or that” questions? They’re secretly brilliant relationship tools disguised as games.
These simple choice-based questions do something magical. They reveal preferences you never knew your partner had.
They spark debates about things you’d never normally discuss.
And they create those spontaneous, laugh-until-you-cry moments that make relationships worth having.
Ready to rediscover your partner? Let’s get into it.
How To Play This Or That Questions?
The beauty of this game is its simplicity. No complicated rules, no apps to download, no score-keeping required.
Here’s how it works: one person asks a “this or that” question, and the other person picks between the two options. Then you switch. That’s literally it.
Want to make it more interesting? Set a timer for each answer. This forces quick, instinctive responses rather than overthought ones.
You’d be surprised what people reveal when they don’t have time to filter.
You can play anywhere: during dinner, on road trips, while waiting for a movie to start, or just lounging in bed on a lazy Sunday.
The best part? You don’t need anything except your voices and a willingness to be honest.
One couple I worked with started playing this game during their weekly date nights.
Six months later, they told me they’d learned more about each other through these silly questions than they had in the previous two years.
That’s the power of intentional conversation.
This Or That Questions For Couples: 160 Funny, Flirty, Deep & Random Questions
I’ve organized these questions into categories so you can match the vibe to your mood. Feeling playful?
Start with funny questions. Want to heat things? Go flirty. Need a deeper connection? The deep questions have you covered.
Mix and match however you want. There’s no right or wrong way to do this. Just be honest, stay curious, and actually listen to your partner’s answers.
The follow-up conversations are where the real magic happens.
Funny This Or That Questions For Couples
Laughter is relationship glue. When you can be silly together without judgment, you create a safe space for everything else.
These questions are designed to make you both smile while revealing quirky preferences.
- Game night at home or a night out at a board game cafe?
- Camping in the wilderness or staying in a luxurious hotel?
- Roller coaster ride or Ferris wheel?
- Karaoke night or dance party at home?
- Ice cream or frozen yogurt?
- Mini golf or bowling?
- Movie marathon at home or a trip to the cinema?
- A road trip or a spontaneous flight to a new destination?
- Comedy club or live music concert?
- Trivia night at a local bar or a paint and sip class?
- Roller skating or ice skating?
- A coffee date or a bubble tea date?
- DIY project together or try out a new recipe?
- Scavenger hunt or escape room experience?
- Wine tasting or beer tasting?
- Museum visit or amusement park visit?
- Video game tournament or a friendly game of cards?
- A day at the beach or a day at the park?
- Trying out a new restaurant or cooking a meal together at home?
- A hike in nature or exploring a new city?
- Miley or Selena?
- Eat a pizza with pineapple or a burger with jelly?
- Bumper cars or roller coasters?
- Wear socks with sandals or mismatched shoes?
- Gummy bears or gummy worms?
- Love or lust?
- Check Dad’s or Mom’s internet history?
- Celine Dion or Rihanna?
Why these questions work: They’re low-stakes and fun, which makes people more willing to answer honestly.
Plus, they give you actual date ideas. When your partner says they’d rather try an escape room than go to a museum, you’ve just learned something useful for future planning.
I’ve seen couples discover they have opposite ideas of fun through these questions. And that’s okay!
The point isn’t to be identical; it’s to understand each other better and find a compromise.
Flirty This Or That Questions For Couples
Time to turn up the heat. These questions add a playful, romantic energy to your conversation.
They’re perfect for date night or when you want to remind each other why you got together in the first place.
- Kiss on the cheek or a lingering hand touch?
- Whispering sweet nothings or sending flirty text messages?
- Candlelit dinner or a romantic picnic under the stars?
- Slow dance or a playful dance-off?
- Have love notes hidden around the house or surprise love letters?
- Complimenting appearance or complimenting personality?
- Holding hands or cuddling close?
- A surprise date night out or a surprise date night in?
- Sending a playful wink or a seductive smile?
- Breakfast in bed or a steamy morning shower together?
- Playfully stealing a kiss or asking for a passionate one?
- Sharing a dessert or feeding each other bites?
- Going for a romantic walk or a spontaneous road trip?
- Whisking your partner away for a surprise weekend getaway or planning a romantic staycation?
- Writing a love poem or singing a love song?
- Surprise lingerie or surprise role-play costume?
- Sending a flirty selfie or leaving a flirty voicemail?
- Giving a foot massage or a back massage?
- Exchanging playful challenges or engaging in a flirty truth-or-dare game?
- Have a surprise gift or a surprise party?
- Get a massage from me or go on a date to your favorite museum?
- Spend the night talking about your sexual fantasy or act it out?
- Give a striptease performance to your partner or get a striptease from them?
- A partner who is dominant or submissive?
- Drunk kiss your celebrity crush or a total stranger?
- An evening of listening to romantic music with me or singing terribly together?
- A hot tub party or a pool party?
- An adventurous partner or someone who knows how to resolve conflicts?
- Do you prefer a coffee date or a brunch date?
- Kiss a same-sex stranger or friend?
The psychology behind flirty questions: They create anticipation and keep romantic energy alive, especially in long-term relationships where things can become routine.
When you ask these questions, you’re essentially flirting through conversation.
One thing I always tell couples: flirting shouldn’t stop after you get together.
These questions help you maintain that playful, romantic dynamic that first brought you together.
Plus, the answers give you a roadmap for how to romance your partner more effectively.
Spicy This Or That Questions For Couples
Okay, now we’re really heating things. These questions are for couples who are comfortable discussing their sexual preferences and fantasies.
FYI, if you’re early in your relationship, you might want to save these for when you’ve established more intimacy.
- Fulfilling your public sex fantasy or hooking up with a celeb?
- Morning sex or midnight sex?
- Share your most embarrassing masturbation story or most awkward make-out story?
- Choose a partner who is a good kisser or a good masseuse?
- A passionate kiss or a gentle kiss?
- Pay for a sensual massage or a lap dance?
- Turned on by people who act or people who play sports?
- Discuss sex positions you like or watch sex positions?
- Have a quickie or take your time in the bedroom on a busy day?
- Discuss what someone has done to you in the bedroom, or discuss what you have done to someone in the bedroom?
- Dirty dancing or stripping?
- Give a naughty twist to board games or computer games?
- Join your partner in a morning shower or an evening shower?
- Do you like playing with your partner’s hair in bed or running the tip of your fingers on their back?
- A partner who is more of a giver or a receiver in bed?
- Stick with tried and trusted sex positions or new ones with your partner?
- Sexting with your partner or having phone sex?
- Get physical in your office or the gym?
- Have a partner who is spontaneous or predictable in bed?
- Choose a night of dirty talk or a night of role-playing?
- Have a partner who is a good kisser or a good lover?
- Try new things in the bedroom, or do you like to stick to a routine?
- Share your most memorable kiss or most memorable sex story?
- Have sex in a graveyard or a parking lot after midnight?
Important note: These questions require trust and comfort. Never pressure your partner to answer anything they’re uncomfortable with. The goal is to learn about each other’s desires, not to make anyone feel awkward or judged.
In my practice, I’ve seen how sexual communication (or lack thereof) can make or break relationships.
Couples who can openly discuss their preferences and desires tend to have more satisfying intimate lives.
These questions are a playful entry point into those conversations.
Deep This Or That Questions For Couples
Now we’re getting to the stuff that matters. These questions reveal values, fears, priorities, and dreams.
They’re the ones that lead to three-hour conversations where you forget to check your phone.
- Would you rather be able to read minds or have the power of invisibility?
- A perfect memory or be able to forget anything you wanted?
- Continue in the present moment or travel back in time to witness historical events?
- Have the ability to control time or to teleport anywhere in the world?
- Know the day you’re going to die or how you’re going to die?
- Choose to be miserable and famous or happy and unknown?
- Speak every language fluently or be an expert in every musical instrument?
- Be a world-class athlete or a brilliant scientist?
- Fly or breathe underwater?
- Choose to be the CEO of a successful company or have the freedom to travel the world indefinitely?
- Be a famous author or a famous musician?
- Have the power to heal or the power to bring people back from the dead?
- Invite your partner’s parents for a home-cooked meal or plan an outing for them?
- Live a life of luxury but never find true love, or live a simple life with the love of your life?
- Control the weather or control people’s emotions?
- Dating for marriage or just to have fun?
- Have a photographic memory or be able to see the future in your dreams?
- Talk to your future self or your past self?
- Live in a world without art or without science?
- Live a long life with chronic pain or a shorter life without pain?
- Speak your mind freely or never offend anyone?
- Be incredibly intelligent or incredibly kind?
- Make everyone happy or be able to make yourself happy in any situation?
- Live in a small town or a big city?
- Choose to be able to fly or be invisible?
- What is worse, always having bad breath or always having bad hair?
Why these questions matter: They expose your partner’s core values and priorities.
When someone chooses “happy and unknown” over “miserable and famous,” they’re telling you that happiness and authenticity matter more than external validation.
That’s useful information.
I’ve watched couples have breakthrough moments with these questions.
One pair I worked with realized through question 14 that they had fundamentally different definitions of success.
That conversation became the foundation for building a shared vision of their future together.
Don’t rush through these. Ask follow-up questions. Get curious about why they chose what they chose. That’s where the real connection happens. 🙂
Random This Or That Questions For Couples
Sometimes you just want variety without any particular theme. These questions cover everything from food preferences to lifestyle choices.
They’re perfect for filling comfortable silences or learning surprising new things about someone you thought you knew completely.
- Backpacking or luxury travel?
- Saving or spending?
- Breakfast in bed or breakfast at a cafe?
- Domestic travel or international travel?
- Glasses or sunglasses?
- Ice cream cone or ice cream sundae?
- Salad or sandwich?
- Romantic comedy or action movie?
- Modern or classical?
- Zip lining or rock climbing?
- Shine or rain?
- Chinese or continental?
- Winter Olympics or Summer?
- Coffee or tea?
- Italian cuisine or Thai?
- Bungee jumping or skydiving?
- Visit Mars or the bottom of the ocean?
- Small gatherings or parties?
- Expensive home or car?
- Snowboarding or skiing?
- Running or walking?
- Fly like a bird or swim like a dolphin?
- Hiking or fishing?
- Detective in the 1920s or the future?
- Bike ride or car ride?
The power of random questions: They catch people off guard in the best way.
When you’re not expecting a deep conversation, you often answer more honestly and spontaneously.
These are also great for breaking up the intensity if you’ve been doing too many deep or spicy questions.
Think of them as palate cleansers between heavier conversations.
Why This Or That Questions Actually Work
As someone who’s studied relationship dynamics for years, I can tell you these questions are more powerful than they seem.
They reduce decision fatigue. When you only have two choices, it’s easier to answer quickly and honestly.
Open-ended questions can feel overwhelming and lead to overthinking.
They reveal priorities. Every choice shows what matters more in that moment. These priorities add up to paint a picture of who your partner really is.
They create opportunities for storytelling. The best part isn’t the answer itself; it’s the explanation that follows. “Why did you choose that?” often leads to stories and insights you’d never hear otherwise.
They’re non-threatening. Unlike direct personal questions, these feel like a game. That playful framing makes people more willing to be vulnerable and honest.
I’ve recommended this game to countless couples struggling with communication.
It works because it takes the pressure off while still facilitating real conversation.
You’re not having a “serious relationship talk.” You’re just playing a game.
But somehow, you end up learning profound things about each other.
How To Use These Questions Effectively
Don’t just rapid-fire through them like a checklist. That defeats the purpose. Here’s how to get the most value:
Ask follow-up questions. When your partner answers, dig deeper. “Why did you choose that?” or “Tell me more about that” turns a simple game into meaningful dialogue.
Share your own answer. Even if you ask the question, explain your choice too. Mutual vulnerability strengthens bonds.
Don’t judge their answers. This is crucial. If they choose something you disagree with, get curious instead of critical. “That’s interesting, I would have chosen differently. What made you pick that?”
Pay attention to patterns. If your partner consistently chooses adventure over comfort, or alone time over social activities, you’re learning something about their core personality.
Use their answers later. When you remember that they prefer coffee dates over brunch and then surprise them with a coffee date, you’re showing that you listen and care. That’s relationship gold.
When To Play This Game
Date night: Obviously. These questions can turn a standard dinner into an engaging, memorable evening.
Long car rides: Perfect for road trips when you’re sick of music and need entertainment that doesn’t involve screens.
Lazy weekends: Sunday morning in bed with coffee? Great time for random or funny questions.
During conflict resolution: Sounds weird, but hear me out. After a fight, playing this game can help you reconnect and remember why you like each other.
When you feel disconnected: If you’ve been in a rut and conversation feels stale, these questions can reignite curiosity about each other.
With other couples: Make it a double date activity. It’s entertaining and you’ll learn about your friends’ relationships too.
Creating Your Own Questions
Once you’ve gone through these 160 questions, why stop? Creating your own “this or that” questions is easy and fun.
Think about topics that interest you both: Sports, movies, music, travel, and food. Turn any topic into a choice between two options.
Use current events or pop culture: “Taylor Swift’s new album or Beyoncé’s?” “Marvel or DC?” These can lead to passionate debates.
Make them personal: “My cooking or takeout?” “Morning person version of me or night owl version?” Personal questions can be both funny and revealing.
Get creative with hypotheticals: “Trapped in an elevator with your ex or your boss?” The weirder, the better sometimes.
The goal is to keep conversations fresh and engaging. When you stop being curious about your partner, relationships stagnate. These questions are tools for maintaining that curiosity.
The Science Of Connection Through Questions
Research in social psychology shows that self-disclosure creates intimacy. When we share information about ourselves and receive non-judgmental responses, we feel closer to that person.
The famous 36 Questions That Lead To Love study by psychologist Arthur Aron demonstrated this. Strangers who asked each other increasingly personal questions felt significantly closer afterward. Some even fell in love.
“This or that” questions work on a similar principle, just with less intensity. They’re a gentler entry point into self-disclosure.
You’re not revealing your deepest trauma, but you are revealing preferences, values, and personality traits.
Apps like We’re Not Really Strangers and Paired have built entire platforms around this concept.
They understand that intentional questioning strengthens relationships. IMO, you don’t need an app (though they’re great tools), but you do need to be intentional.
Common Mistakes To Avoid
Judging your partner’s answers. This shuts down honesty faster than anything.
If they choose something you think is wrong or weird, resist the urge to criticize. Get curious instead.
Making it a test. These aren’t trick questions. There are no right or wrong answers.
Don’t use their responses as evidence of incompatibility or as ammunition for future arguments.
Rushing through them. Quality over quantity. It’s better to ask five questions and have meaningful conversations than blast through fifty without really engaging.
Not listening to their explanations. The answer is less important than the reasoning behind it. Pay attention when they explain their choice.
Forgetting to reciprocate. If they answered your question, share your answer too. This is about mutual sharing, not interrogation.
Using them to manipulate. Don’t ask questions designed to steer them toward a particular answer or to prove a point. That’s not connection; that’s manipulation.
Final Thoughts
The best relationship tools that help you understand your partner better, spark meaningful conversations, and maintain curiosity about each other are such questions.
Start tonight. Pick a category that fits your mood. Ask a few questions. Actually listen to the answers.
See where the conversation takes you. You might be surprised by what you learn.
These questions are just tools to help you do that.
Now grab your partner and start playing. Your relationship will thank you for it.
