He says all the right things. Those heart-melting words like “I love you,” “I can’t imagine my life without you,” and “You’re everything to me” flow easily from his lips.
But somehow, deep down, you sense that his actions don’t match his beautiful words.
His behavior tells a completely different story, yet those sweet phrases leave you wondering if maybe you’re just overthinking everything.
If you want to find out whether he’s genuinely in love with you or just pretending, you’re in the right place.
In this article about signs he pretends to love you, I’m sharing the 13 most important red flags that reveal when a man is deceiving you and making you believe he loves you when he really doesn’t.
13 Brutal Signs He Pretends To Love You
These honest signs he pretends to love you are insights that will help you make better, healthier decisions about whether it’s time to walk away from this relationship.
1. He Lacks An Emotional Connection With You
One of the clearest signs that he’s pretending to love you is a complete lack of emotional connection between you two.
A man who genuinely loves you and wants to build something meaningful will actively work on creating emotional closeness with you.
This means getting to know you deeply through real conversations, seeking you out regularly, planning dates together, and genuinely wanting to spend quality time with you.
When he truly wants to build that emotional bond, he finds every possible way to get closer to that goal.
I remember dating someone who, at first, seemed like the perfect match.
He said all the right things told me how special I was, made grand promises about the future, and made me feel like we were building something real.
But after a while, I started noticing how empty everything felt.
Our conversations became surface-level, and he rarely asked how I truly felt about anything.
Whenever I tried to open up or share something personal, he would change the topic or give short replies that made me feel unheard.
We could spend hours together, yet I felt completely alone. That’s when I realized love isn’t about words it’s about effort and emotional presence.
The moment I stopped mistaking his attention for connection, I finally saw the truth: he was only pretending to love me.
However, if the man you’re with makes zero effort to create a genuine connection with you, this is definitely one of the signs he pretends to love you.
2. He Is Not Consistent In His Show Of Affection
Nothing feels more secure than consistency in affection, where you can always count on your partner to make you feel valued, special, and safe.
However, if you’re with someone who runs hot and cold, only showing affection when he wants something from you, this is one of the major signs that he’s pretending to love you.
Your partner is basically using the carrot and stick approach, manipulating you into doing what he wants by dangling tiny pieces of his affection in front of you.
This is incredibly damaging behavior and one of the most eye-opening signs that he pretends to love you.
3. He Always Avoids Serious Talks
If he constantly dodges serious conversations about your future together and shows absolutely no interest in having meaningful discussions with you, this is one of the subtle yet telling signs he pretends to love you.
There was a time I was in a relationship where every time I tried to talk about our future, he’d find a way to dodge it.
If I mentioned plans like moving in together or even asked where he saw us a year from now, he’d suddenly get “busy” or joke his way out of the conversation.
At first, I told myself he just wasn’t ready that maybe he needed more time. But deep down, I knew something wasn’t right.
I started noticing how he was comfortable as long as things stayed casual.
He enjoyed the attention, the comfort, and the idea of being loved, but he never wanted to take things deeper.
There was no talk of commitment, no effort to resolve issues, and no desire to build something real.
That’s when it finally hit me, he wasn’t afraid of serious talks; he simply wasn’t serious about me.
4. He Exhibits Centered Behavior
One of the biggest signs that your man is self-centered and pretending to love you is that he consistently puts himself first in every single situation.
When we’re genuinely in love, we naturally prioritize our partner’s needs and put them first sometimes.
Therefore, if your partner exhibits self-centered behavior like doing whatever he wants without considering your feelings, making major decisions without your input.
Sometimes keeping important relationship information from you, these could all be signs that he’s pretending to love you.
This behavior also suggests he might not be serious about a future with you.
5. He Is Excessively Critical Of You
When your partner constantly criticizes you, it’s definitely something to pay serious attention to.
This ranks as one of the most toxic traits in relationships that you should avoid at all costs.
Someone who always finds negative things to complain about every time you interact is not someone you want to build a life with.
He might claim he loves you, but you’ll know the truth by observing his actions.
One clear sign that he pretends to love you is if he’s always criticizing every attitude, word, and action you take.
Real love builds people up. Fake love tears them down.
6. He Keeps His Phone From You
It’s honestly strange how people claim they’re intimately close with their partner yet guard their phones like they contain government secrets.
One significant sign he pretends to love you is when he constantly hides his phone from you.
He might be doing something that would hurt you or engaging in behavior he knows is wrong.
His secrecy and lack of transparency indicate pretense, and this is definitely one of the red flags in men you should watch out for.
I once dated someone who acted like his phone contained the world’s greatest secret.
Every time I entered the room, he’d quickly turn it face down or carry it with him even if he was just heading to the kitchen for a glass of water.
At first, I brushed it off, reminding myself that everyone deserves a bit of privacy.
But as time went on, the pattern became impossible to ignore.
Whenever I sat next to him, he’d angle the screen away. If a message popped up, he’d tense up or abruptly change the subject.
It stopped being about the phone it became about trust. His behavior taught me that real love can’t exist in secrecy.
When someone’s intentions are pure, they don’t need to guard their phone like it’s holding incriminating evidence.
His actions revealed the truth he wasn’t protecting his privacy; he was hiding his deceit.
I’m sharing this because nothing matters more than the bond you share with your partner.
You can nurture that connection today by surprising them with one of the thoughtful gestures mentioned above.
When someone has nothing to hide, they don’t act secretive.
7. He Is Always Dismissing Your Concerns
One thing a man will do if he genuinely loves and values you is take your opinions and concerns seriously.
For example, maybe you notice him displaying some negative trait or doing something risky.
You share your concerns with him, and he dismisses them in a completely disrespectful way.
This is absolutely one of the signs he pretends to love you, and it’s also a major indicator that you might be in a toxic relationship.
Someone who loves you actually cares when you’re worried or uncomfortable.
8. He Is Unwilling To Compromise
Nothing damages a relationship quite like having a partner who never bends and refuses to be flexible or teachable.
One of the most important qualities of a good partner is being willing to compromise and meet halfway.
Having someone who’s completely self-centered is one of those relationship deal breakers you absolutely shouldn’t tolerate.
His refusal to compromise indicates that this relationship will never last long because you can only have things one person’s way for so long before the other partner becomes frustrated and resentful.
A partner who doesn’t think compromise or sacrifice matters in a relationship creates the perfect recipe for disaster.
9. He Is Unreasonably Possessive
When your man acts unreasonably possessive, this is one of the signs he pretends to love you because there’s a huge difference between protective and possessive.
There’s nothing wrong with having a protective partner, as it shows how much he values you.
But there’s everything wrong with unreasonable possessiveness where he starts monitoring your every move, refuses to give you space to be yourself, and has problems with you talking to other people, including friends and family.
This ranks as one of the bad habits that destroy relationships, and it’s a sign he’s pretending to love you because it indicates he’s controlling rather than genuinely caring.
10. He Is Always Blame Shifting
One of my clients, William, once shared a story that perfectly captured what blame shifting looks like in a relationship.
He told me about his ex-girlfriend, who could never admit when she was wrong.
Every disagreement somehow ended with him apologizing even when he hadn’t done anything. If she forgot a plan, she’d say he “didn’t remind her.”
If she hurt his feelings, she’d claim he was “too emotional.”
Over time, William said he started doubting himself. He began to believe he was the problem because every issue somehow came back to him.
That constant blame made him feel small and emotionally exhausted.
When he finally stepped back and saw the pattern, he realized love shouldn’t make you question your worth.
Real love takes accountability and maturity it doesn’t point fingers just to protect pride.
11. He Is Always Disrespecting You
One of the clearest signs a man is pretending to love you is that he disrespects you regularly.
This is incredibly painful to acknowledge but having a partner who disrespects you both privately and publicly shows that he places no real value on you and isn’t afraid to lose you.
His poor treatment reveals the truth about his feelings. This is one of the most obvious signs that it’s definitely time to consider leaving.
12. He Is Always Avoiding Talks Of Future Plans
When you’re in a relationship and you want it to lead somewhere meaningful, you shouldn’t avoid important conversations about where things are heading.
If he claims to love you but refuses to discuss plans or the possibility of marriage, there’s definitely a problem.
One of the major signs he pretends to love you is that he consistently avoids or changes the subject whenever you bring up plans together.
13. He Keeps His Activities Secret
If your man constantly hides things from you, this is one of the terrible signs that he pretends to love you.
When you’re in a committed relationship, keeping your partner informed about what’s happening in your life is part of being accountable and trustworthy.
However, if your partner is going through things and deliberately not letting you know what’s happening in his life, this is one of the red flags in relationships you absolutely want to avoid.
Secrecy and real love don’t go together.
What To Do If You See The Signs He Is Pretending To Love You
Notice these signs that he’s pretending to love you? Here are the best steps to take to protect yourself and make healthy decisions.
1. Trust Your Instincts
One of the best things you can do for yourself is trust your gut instinct. Your intuition might not be 100% accurate every single time.
But most of the time, it picks up on things your conscious mind hasn’t fully processed yet.
You must trust your instinct in this situation. If something feels off, it probably is.
2. Evaluate The Relationship
Now that you’ve acknowledged your instincts, the next step is examining your relationship critically and objectively.
Try to see if what your gut is telling you matches the actual patterns in your relationship.
You might struggle with evaluating things yourself because emotions can cloud judgment.
This is where talking to a trusted friend or seeing a therapist through resources like BetterHelp or Talkspace becomes incredibly valuable.
3. Communicate Openly
If you’ve identified the pattern and confirmed that your partner doesn’t genuinely love you or is pretending, one option is communicating openly with him about what you’ve noticed and how you feel.
Lay everything out honestly. Give him a chance to respond and explain himself. His reaction to this conversation will tell you everything you need to know about whether things can improve.
4. Let Go
It’s extremely important that if he’s not changing for the better or not making any genuine attempt to improve, one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself is let go of this relationship and move forward with your life.
Staying with someone who pretends to love you will only damage your self-worth and waste precious time you could spend finding someone who genuinely cherishes you.
5. Set Boundaries
Boundaries are crucial because they’re one of the main things that will help you move on quickly and protect your emotional health.
You absolutely must establish and maintain firm boundaries because they’ll help you in countless ways as you heal and move forward.
6. Seek Support Or Counseling
One powerful thing you can do to heal from this experience is seek support or counseling from family, friends, or a professional therapist.
This support will help you process what happened and recover in ways you can’t even imagine.
Resources like Psychology Today can help you find qualified therapists who specialize in relationship trauma and healing.
7. Prioritize Self-Care
There are countless things you can do to prioritize self-care, which will significantly help your healing process.
Take excellent care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally as you work through this difficult time.
Apps like Headspace or Calm offer guided meditations specifically for healing from relationship pain.
Understanding Why Men Pretend to Love
You might be wondering why someone would pretend to love another person.
Understanding the psychology behind this behavior can help you make sense of what happened and avoid similar situations in the future.
Common reasons men pretend to love include:
For convenience, having a relationship provides benefits like companionship, physical intimacy, or domestic support without emotional investment
Low self-esteem– Some men stay in relationships they’re not invested in because they fear being alone
Financial reasons – Sometimes men pretend to love someone who provides financial stability or support
Keeping options open – He might be waiting for something “better” to come along while keeping you as a backup
Avoidance of conflict – Some men find it easier to pretend than to have the difficult conversation about not being in love.
Habit and comfort – The relationship has become routine, and he’s comfortable even without genuine feelings
Understanding these reasons doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it can help you stop blaming yourself for someone else’s dishonesty.
The Difference Between Love and Pretend Love
Real love and fake love look completely different when you know what to watch for.
Real love includes:
- Consistent actions that match words
- Emotional vulnerability and openness
- Including you in plans naturally
- Respecting your feelings and boundaries
- Making sacrifices without keeping score
- Taking responsibility when wrong
- Building you up consistently
Fake love includes:
- Words that don’t match actions
- Emotional distance and walls
- Avoiding future conversations
- Dismissing your concerns
- Keeping everything transactional
- Never admitting fault
- Criticizing and tearing you down
FYI, once you understand these differences, spotting fake love becomes much easier 🙂
How This Affects Your Mental Health
Being with someone who pretends to love you takes a serious toll on your mental and emotional well-being. You might experience:
- Constant self-doubt and questioning your perception
- Anxiety about the relationship’s stability
- Depression from feeling unloved and unvalued
- Loss of self-esteem and confidence
- Trust issues that affect future relationships
- Difficulty identifying your own needs and feelings
If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms, please consider reaching out to a mental health professional. Your well-being matters more than any relationship.
Red Flags vs. Rough Patches
Sometimes relationships go through difficult periods where partners might seem distant or disconnected.
How do you know if these are signs, he pretends to love you versus normal relationship struggles?
It’s likely a rough patch if:
- The behavior is temporary and situational
- He acknowledges the distance and wants to fix it
- He’s dealing with external stress affecting everything
- He’s still emotionally available when you need him
- The foundation of respect remains intact
It’s likely pretend love if:
- The concerning behaviors are consistent patterns
- He denies problems or dismisses your concerns
- Nothing external explains the emotional distance
- He seems relieved when you don’t need him
- Disrespect has become the norm
Trust your judgment here. Rough patches involve two people working to reconnect. Pretend love involves one person checking out while keeping up appearances.
Moving Forward After Fake Love
After being with someone who pretended to love you, rebuilding your ability to trust and love again takes time and intentional work.
Steps for healing and moving forward:
Give yourself time to grieve – Even fake love involves real feelings on your part
Work on self-awareness – Understand why you accepted less than you deserved
Identify your patterns – Notice if you’re attracted to emotionally unavailable people
Rebuild your self-worth – Remember that someone else’s inability to love you doesn’t define your value
Learn the green flags – Know what genuine love actually looks like
Take it slow next time – Give relationships time to show their true colors
Trust your instincts – If something feels off early on, pay attention
IMO, the silver lining of experiencing fake love is that it teaches you exactly what you won’t tolerate in future relationships.
Final Thoughts
These signs your man is pretending to love you are crucial red flags you need to recognize so you can make better decisions that protect your heart and wellbeing.
Don’t ignore these warning signs, hoping things will magically improve.
You are worthy of real love and settling for someone who’s just pretending robs you of the chance to find that authentic connection you truly deserve.
Be brave enough to walk away from fake love so you can make space for the real thing.
Pin this for later and share it with friends who might need to see these important red flags!
