So you just said “I do” and now you’re wondering “What the heck do we do now?” Welcome to marriage, where Netflix password sharing suddenly feels like the most romantic gesture ever, and fighting over who forgot to buy milk becomes your first real test of “till death do us part.”
I’ve been helping couples navigate marriage for over a decade, and let me tell you something: nobody knows what they’re doing at first. Not the couple married for 50 years, not your parents, and definitely not that friend who keeps posting #MarriageGoals on Instagram while secretly googling “how to load a dishwasher correctly.”
But here’s what I want you to know, marriage isn’t about getting it perfect from day one. It’s about building something beautiful together, one conversation, one compromise, and yes, one argument about toilet seat positions at a time.
The couples who thrive? They’re not the ones who never fight or disagree. They’re the ones who learn how to grow together instead of apart. And that’s exactly what we’re going to talk about today.
What Is The Best Piece Of Marriage Advice For Newlyweds?
After working with hundreds of couples through their first year of marriage, I can tell you the single most important piece of advice: you are not trying to change each other, you’re learning to dance together.
Think about it like this. You both came into this marriage as complete people with your own habits, quirks, and ways of doing things. The goal isn’t to sand down each other’s rough edges until you’re identical. The goal is to figure out how your unique selves can create something amazing together.
Trust and respect aren’t just wedding vow words, they’re your daily practice. Every morning when you wake up next to this person, you get to choose: Am I going to approach my spouse as my teammate or my opponent?
Here’s what most people don’t realize about the early days of marriage: you’re literally rewiring your brain for partnership. Your brain spent decades learning to make decisions just for you. Now it needs to consider another person in every choice, from what to have for dinner to major life decisions.
This rewiring takes time, patience, and a lot of grace for yourself and your partner. The couples who understand this navigate the adjustment period so much better than those who expect instant marital bliss.
Words Of Advice For Newlyweds
Before we get into the nitty-gritty advice, let me share some wisdom that my most successful couples have taught me over the years. These aren’t just pretty quotes, they’re relationship truths that will serve you well:
Your marriage is a living, breathing thing that needs daily attention. Just like you wouldn’t expect a plant to thrive without water, your marriage needs consistent nurturing. This doesn’t mean grand gestures every day, it means small, intentional acts of love and consideration.
Conflict isn’t your enemy, poor communication is. You’re going to disagree. You’re going to annoy each other. You might even occasionally wonder what you were thinking when you said yes to this person. That’s normal! The magic happens when you learn to fight fair and communicate with love.
Your friendship is the foundation of everything else. Romance is wonderful, passion is important, but friendship? That’s what will carry you through decades together. Never stop being curious about each other, laughing together, and enjoying each other’s company.
Here are some practical reminders that successful couples live by:
- Listen to understand, not to win arguments
- Celebrate each other’s successes without keeping score
- Create traditions that are uniquely yours as a couple
- Protect your relationship from outside opinions and interference
- Never stop dating each other, even after kids and mortgages
- Remember that you’re writing your love story together every single day
IMO, the couples who remember these principles daily are the ones who still hold hands at 80 🙂
10 Best Marriage Advice For Newlyweds
Now let’s get into the practical stuff that will actually help you build a strong foundation for your marriage. These aren’t theory, they’re battle-tested strategies from couples who’ve made it work.
1. Learn The Art Of Compromise
Compromise doesn’t mean you both lose, it means you both choose your relationship over being right. I’ve watched too many couples turn minor disagreements into relationship-ending battles because neither person would budge an inch.
Real compromise looks like this: You love action movies, your spouse loves romantic comedies. Instead of fighting about it every Friday night, you alternate who picks the movie. Or maybe you find films you both enjoy. The point is finding solutions that honor both of your preferences.
Here’s what compromise does NOT look like: one person always giving in while the other always gets their way. That’s not compromise, that’s martyrdom, and it breeds resentment faster than you can say “I told you so.”
Practical compromise strategies:
- Take turns making decisions about plans, purchases, and activities
- Find middle-ground solutions that give you both something you want
- Remember that some battles aren’t worth fighting (does it really matter which way the toilet paper hangs?)
- Focus on understanding WHY something matters to your spouse, not just what they want
2. Learn How To Communicate With Your Spouse
This is where most couples mess up royally. They think communication means talking more or having deeper conversations. Actually, great communication starts with listening, really listening, not planning what you’re going to say next.
I teach couples the “24-hour rule”: when you’re upset about something, you have 24 hours to bring it up or let it go. This prevents the deadly pattern of storing up grievances and then exploding over something tiny (like leaving dishes in the sink) when you’re really mad about something bigger (like feeling unappreciated).
Communication game-changers:
- Put your phone away when your spouse is talking to you
- Ask clarifying questions instead of making assumptions
- Use “I feel” statements instead of “You always/never” accusations
- Share something positive about your day before launching into complaints
- Schedule regular check-ins to discuss how things are going
Ever notice how the best conversations often happen in the car or while doing something together? That’s because parallel activities reduce the pressure and create natural conversation flow.
3. Tell Your Spouse How Much You Love Them
This sounds obvious, but you’d be amazed how many couples stop expressing love once they’re married. As if the wedding somehow proved it permanently and now you can just assume it’s understood.
Your spouse needs to hear that you love them, appreciate them, and choose them every single day. Not just during fights or when you want something, but randomly, consistently, genuinely.
Ways to express love daily:
- Leave little notes in their coffee cup, laptop bag, or mirror
- Send texts during the day that have nothing to do with logistics
- Verbally acknowledge things they do that you appreciate
- Use their name when you talk to them (it creates intimacy)
- Say “I love you” like you mean it, not like you’re reading a grocery list
The couples who express love regularly create a positive feedback loop. The more loved your spouse feels, the more loving they become toward you. It’s relationship magic, and it starts with you.
4. Create Happy Moments For Yourselves
Marriage isn’t just about surviving life together, it’s about creating a life worth sharing. This means intentionally building joy into your everyday routine.
I’m not talking about expensive vacations or elaborate date nights (though those are great too). I’m talking about tiny moments of happiness that you create together: dancing in the kitchen while dinner cooks, having inside jokes that make you both laugh, establishing silly traditions that are uniquely yours.
Simple ways to create happiness:
- Have a weekly date night, even if it’s just ordering takeout and watching a movie
- Create playlists for each other and share them
- Take photos of random moments, not just special occasions
- Establish bedtime rituals that connect you before sleep
- Surprise each other with small gestures of thoughtfulness
Remember, happiness in marriage isn’t something that happens TO you, it’s something you create together. The couples who actively look for reasons to smile, laugh, and enjoy each other are the ones who stay happily married long-term.
5. Learn To Say “I Am Sorry”
Pride will kill your marriage faster than almost anything else. I’ve seen couples destroy their relationship over who should apologize first for something that ultimately didn’t matter.
Here’s what I tell newlyweds: your ego is not more important than your marriage. When you mess up (and you will), own it quickly, sincerely, and completely. Don’t add “but you…” to your apology. Don’t minimize what you did. Don’t wait for your spouse to apologize first.
Elements of a real apology:
- Acknowledge specifically what you did wrong
- Take responsibility without making excuses
- Express genuine remorse for how your actions affected your spouse
- Commit to doing better next time
- Ask what you can do to make things right
The beautiful thing about authentic apologies is that they often inspire your spouse to examine their own behavior too. When you lead with humility, you create space for healing and growth.
6. Speak Kindly To Your Spouse
Your spouse should be the safest person in your world, which means they should never have to worry about cruel words or harsh treatment from you. This doesn’t mean you can’t disagree or have difficult conversations, it means you do it with respect and love.
I’ve worked with couples who are incredibly polite to strangers but brutal to each other. They save their worst behavior for the person they claim to love most. That backwards thinking will destroy your marriage.
Guidelines for respectful communication:
- Never call names, even during arguments
- Don’t use absolutes like “always” and “never” unless you’re saying something positive
- Avoid bringing up past mistakes during current disagreements
- Don’t threaten divorce during fights (even if you don’t mean it)
- Take breaks when discussions get too heated
Your words have power to heal or wound. Choose them carefully, especially when you’re upset. The goal is resolution and understanding, not victory.
7. Accountability And Honesty Is Key
Marriage requires radical transparency. This doesn’t mean you can’t have any privacy, it means your spouse should never have to wonder about your whereabouts, your friendships, or your intentions.
Accountability isn’t about control, it’s about choosing to include your spouse in your life decisions because their opinion and feelings matter to you. It’s checking in before making plans, being honest about your struggles, and sharing your inner world with your partner.
Practical accountability looks like:
- Sharing your location when you’re out late (not because you have to, but because you care about your spouse’s peace of mind)
- Being honest about money spent and financial decisions
- Discussing friendships that your spouse feels uncomfortable about
- Admitting when you’re struggling with temptation or difficult emotions
- Including your spouse in major life decisions before making them
This level of openness creates incredible intimacy and trust. When you have nothing to hide, you can relax completely into your marriage.
8. Show Support To Your Partner
Your spouse should feel like you’re their biggest cheerleader, not their harshest critic. This means celebrating their wins enthusiastically and supporting them through their struggles without trying to fix everything.
Sometimes support looks like giving advice. Sometimes it looks like just listening. Sometimes it looks like bringing them coffee and letting them know you believe in them. The key is asking what they need instead of assuming you know.
Ways to show support:
- Attend events that matter to your spouse, even if they’re not your favorite
- Speak positively about your spouse to others (never mock them in public)
- Ask about their goals and dreams regularly
- Offer help without taking over their responsibilities
- Believe in their abilities even when they doubt themselves
When your spouse knows you’re in their corner no matter what, it creates a security that strengthens every aspect of your marriage.
9. Be Open To Each Other
Emotional intimacy requires vulnerability, which means sharing parts of yourself that feel scary to expose. This is how you go from being roommates to being soulmates.
Create space for your spouse to be completely themselves around you, messy emotions, weird habits, secret dreams, and all. When someone feels safe to be authentic with you, that’s when real love grows.
Creating emotional safety:
- Don’t laugh at your spouse’s dreams, even if they seem unrealistic
- Ask questions about their inner world with genuine curiosity
- Share your own struggles and fears instead of pretending to have it all together
- Validate their feelings even when you don’t understand them
- Create judgment-free zones for difficult conversations
The goal is becoming each other’s safe haven in a world that often feels chaotic and critical.
10. Physical Intimacy Is Very Important
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room that many couples are too embarrassed to discuss: physical intimacy changes after marriage, and that’s normal. But it should never disappear or become something you just endure.
Physical connection isn’t just about sex (though that’s important too). It’s about maintaining touch, affection, and desire for each other throughout all the stages and stresses of life together.
Maintaining physical intimacy:
- Don’t stop kissing each other hello and goodbye
- Hold hands, hug, and touch each other throughout the day
- Communicate openly about your needs and desires – apps like Spicer can help couples explore intimacy together
- Make time for intimacy even when life gets busy
- Remember that emotional intimacy often leads to physical intimacy
- Keep dating each other and creating romantic moments
- Consider reading books together like “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski for better understanding of intimacy
FYI, the couples who prioritize their physical connection report higher overall relationship satisfaction. This isn’t just about pleasure, it’s about maintaining the unique bond that separates your relationship from all others.
Final Words
Your first year of marriage is like learning to drive, you’re going to make some mistakes, occasionally panic, and wonder if you’re doing anything right. That’s completely normal and expected.
Every challenge you face as newlyweds is an opportunity to strengthen your partnership and deepen your connection. The couples who make it aren’t the ones who never have problems.
They’re the ones who face their problems as a team, with love, commitment, and the occasional sense of humor about how ridiculous adulting can be. You’ve got this!
Your marriage has the potential to be the most rewarding adventure of your life. Trust the process, enjoy the journey, and remember, you’re in this beautiful mess together :/
