Girl, can we talk for a minute? When’s the last time you made your husband’s heart skip a beat? Not because he thought he forgot to pay the mortgage, but because you did something that reminded him why he married you in the first place.
I see you rolling your eyes already. “Romance? Lady, I’m lucky if I brush my teeth before bed.” Trust me, I get it. Between work deadlines, grocery shopping, and that never-ending pile of laundry, romance feels like a luxury you can’t afford.
But here’s what I’ve learned after working with thousands of couples: romance isn’t about having time, it’s about making moments. And honestly? Your marriage is probably starving for it.
What Is Romance In Marriage?
Let’s get one thing straight, romance isn’t just flowers and chocolates (though those don’t hurt). Real romance is about making your partner feel chosen, desired, and appreciated. It’s the difference between being roommates who split bills and being lovers who happen to share a mortgage.
Romance is intentional effort. It’s deciding that your husband deserves to feel special, not just functional. When you’re romantic with your husband, you’re essentially saying, “Out of all the people in the world, I still choose you.”
Think about it, when you were dating, you probably put effort into making him feel wanted. You flirted, you planned things together, you made him feel like the most important person in your world. Marriage doesn’t change the need for that feeling.
The couples in my practice who stay deeply connected over decades? They never stopped courting each other. They understand that romance is the bridge between friendship and passion.
How Can I Be Romantic To My Husband?
Here’s the plot twist, you don’t have to wait for him to be romantic first. I know, revolutionary concept, right?
Stop waiting for Prince Charming to show up with a dozen roses. You can be the romantic one. You can set the tone for your relationship. When you take initiative in romance, something magical happens: you inspire reciprocity.
Most women I work with think romance means being the recipient. But the most satisfied wives? They’re the ones who actively romance their husbands. They’ve figured out that giving love often feels better than waiting to receive it.
Plus, let’s be real, men aren’t mind readers. Your husband might have no clue that you’re craving more romance. Instead of dropping hints and getting frustrated, show him what romantic looks like in your relationship.
How To Be Romantic With Your Husband: 12 Tips
Alright, let’s get into the good stuff. These aren’t your grandmother’s romance tips (though she probably knew a thing or two). These are real-world strategies that work for busy couples.
1. Plan Dates
Stop waiting for him to plan date night. Seriously, just stop. Take charge and plan something yourself.
I’m not talking about anything elaborate here. You could plan a picnic in your backyard, book a reservation at that restaurant he mentioned months ago, or even just suggest a walk around your neighborhood after dinner.
The magic isn’t in the activity, it’s in the thoughtfulness. When you plan a date, you’re saying, “I want to spend quality time with you.” That message hits different when it comes from you taking initiative.
One of my clients started planning monthly “mystery dates” for her husband. Nothing fancy, sometimes it was mini golf, sometimes it was trying a new coffee shop. But the effort she put into planning something just for them? That’s what made it romantic.
Use apps like Yelp to find local activities, or check out Eventbrite for unique experiences in your area. The key is making it happen, not just talking about it.
2. Send Love Notes
This one’s a classic for a reason, it works. But I’m not talking about Hallmark card messages. I mean real, personal, specific notes that only you could write to him.
Write about that thing he did last week that made you proud. Mention how good he looked in that shirt. Tell him exactly what you’re thinking about doing to him later. Make it personal and make it yours.
Hide these notes where he’ll find them:
- In his laptop bag
- On his bathroom mirror
- In his lunch box
- On his car dashboard
The surprise factor is half the fun. Nothing beats getting a sweet note when you’re least expecting it. Apps like TouchNote let you send handwritten-style notes directly to his phone if you want to mix traditional and digital.
3. Text Him Flirtatiously
Let’s talk about something that makes relationships sizzle, playful, flirty texting. You know those butterflies you used to get when you saw his name pop up on your phone? You can create that feeling for him.
Send him texts that make him think about you. Tell him what you’re looking forward to when he gets home. Share a memory from your last intimate moment. Keep it playful and keep it coming.
The beauty of flirty texting is the anticipation it builds. You’re essentially foreplay via phone. He’ll be thinking about you all day, and trust me, that’s romantic as hell.
Just remember, timing matters. Don’t send spicy messages when he’s in important meetings 🙂 Save the steamier stuff for when you know he can properly appreciate it.
4. Initiate Intimacy
Here’s where we separate the women who complain about their love lives from the ones who actively improve them. Stop waiting for him to make the first move.
Initiate physical intimacy. Be the one who starts the kiss that turns into something more. Be spontaneous. Surprise him with your desire.
Men want to feel wanted too. When you initiate, you’re telling him that you don’t just tolerate physical intimacy, you crave it with him specifically. That’s incredibly romantic and incredibly powerful.
This doesn’t mean you have to be someone you’re not. Initiation looks different for everyone. Maybe it’s a lingering kiss when he gets home. Maybe it’s pulling him close while you’re watching TV. Find what feels authentic to you.
Research from relationship experts shows that couples who share initiation responsibility have more satisfying intimate lives. It’s not all on him to keep that spark alive.
5. Be Generous With Touch
Physical touch is romance in its simplest form. I’m talking about non-sexual touch throughout the day that keeps you connected.
Touch his arm when you’re talking. Run your fingers through his hair while you’re watching TV. Give him a quick shoulder rub when he’s stressed. Make physical connection a habit.
Most couples drastically underestimate the power of casual, affectionate touch. It releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and keeps you feeling connected even during busy periods.
Offer him massages. Not necessarily the kind that leads somewhere (though it might), but genuine “I want you to feel good” massages. Use apps like Headspace for relaxing background sounds, or try massage oils from Bath & Body Works to make it extra special.
The key is consistency. Small, regular touches are more romantic than occasional grand gestures.
6. Appreciate Him With Words
When did you stop telling your husband how amazing he is? Because I guarantee you did at some point. Verbal appreciation is romance.
Tell him he’s a great father. Acknowledge how hard he works. Notice when he does something thoughtful and actually say something about it.
Be specific in your appreciation:
- “I love how patient you were with the kids today”
- “You handled that situation really well”
- “I’m proud of how you’re working toward your goals”
- “You make me feel safe and loved”
Generic compliments feel routine. Specific appreciation feels romantic.
If words don’t come easily to you, check out apps like DayOne to practice writing down things you appreciate about him, or browse Pinterest for inspiration on heartfelt messages.
7. Get Him A Thoughtful Gift
Forget about expensive gifts. Thoughtful beats costly every single time.
Pay attention to what he mentions wanting or needing. Notice what makes him light up. Remember that random comment he made about missing his favorite childhood snack.
Thoughtful gifts show you really see him. Maybe it’s his favorite coffee beans when you’re at the grocery store, maybe it’s a book by an author he mentioned, maybe it’s something small that made you think of him.
The romance is in the “I was thinking of you” message, not the price tag. Use Amazon for easy delivery of small surprises, or check out Etsy for personalized gifts that show extra thought.
8. Do What He Likes To Do
This one requires some sacrifice, and that’s exactly why it’s romantic. Join him in his interests, even if they’re not naturally yours.
If he loves watching sports, sit with him during the game and ask questions, if he’s into hiking, suggest a trail you can do together, if he loves cooking, be his sous chef for an evening.
The effort you put into his interests shows you value what matters to him. You don’t have to become obsessed with his hobbies, but showing genuine interest is incredibly romantic.
One client started joining her husband’s weekly basketball games. She wasn’t great at it, but he was thrilled that she wanted to be part of something important to him. That participation was pure romance.
9. Take Some Of The Burdens Off Him
Nothing says “I love you” quite like “I’ve got this handled”. If he’s stressed about certain responsibilities, step in where you can.
Maybe he always handles the car maintenance, research a good mechanic and take care of it yourself. If he manages all the bills, offer to take over a few. Partnership is romantic.
This isn’t about keeping score or proving a point. It’s about lightening his load because you care about his well-being.
Use apps like Mint to help manage finances together, or Honey to save money on purchases that matter to your family. The goal is making his life easier because you love him.
10. Allow Him To Talk About Everything
Here’s something most wives don’t realize: your husband needs to feel heard too. We get so focused on sharing our own day and concerns that we forget to create space for his.
Ask him open-ended questions about his thoughts, dreams, and concerns. Then actually listen to the answers. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.
Questions that open up real conversation:
- “What’s been on your mind lately?”
- “How are you feeling about [specific situation]?”
- “What would you do if you could change careers tomorrow?”
- “What’s something you’re proud of right now?”
Being truly heard by the person you love most is deeply romantic. Create that space for him regularly.
11. Get The Kids Out
Sometimes romance requires logistics. If you have kids, you need couple time without them. Period.
Arrange for the kids to spend time with grandparents, friends, or babysitters. Plan regular couple time that’s just for you two. Protect this time fiercely.
You can’t maintain romance when you’re constantly in parent mode. You need time to remember that you’re lovers, not just co-parents.
This doesn’t have to be expensive. Even a few hours at home alone can be incredibly romantic with the right mindset. Light some candles, put on music, and focus on each other.
Use apps like Care.com to find reliable babysitters, or coordinate with other parents for kid swaps. Make couple time a priority.
12. Make Him His Favourite Meal
Food is love language, especially for many men. Cooking his favorite meal is a tangible way to show you care.
It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Maybe it’s that specific way he likes his eggs, maybe it’s his mom’s recipe that you finally mastered, maybe it’s ordering from his favorite restaurant and setting up a nice dinner at home.
The effort and thoughtfulness matter more than your culinary skills. It’s about taking time to do something specifically for his enjoyment.
Use apps like Tasty for recipe inspiration, or DoorDash if cooking isn’t your thing but you want to create a special meal experience at home.
How To Be Romantic With Husband On Phone
Let’s talk about digital romance, because your phone can be a relationship tool, not just a distraction.
Send Beautiful Pictures Of Yourself
I’m not necessarily talking about anything risqué (though if that’s your thing, go for it). Send him random photos throughout the day that make him smile.
Maybe it’s you with your coffee in the morning, It’s a silly face you make, maybe it’s you in that dress he loves. The message is “I’m thinking of you enough to share my day”.
Use Pickup Lines
Remember when you used to flirt? Bring that energy back. Send him cheesy pickup lines that make him laugh. Be playful via text.
Here are some examples (adjust to your comfort level):
- “Are you a magician? Because every time I look at you, everyone else disappears”
- “Do you have a map? I got lost in your eyes this morning”
- “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber”
Cheesy can be incredibly charming when it comes from someone who loves you.
Compliment His Looks
Tell your husband he’s handsome. Tell him he looked good in that shirt. Notice when he gets a haircut.
Men need to hear they’re attractive too.
Comment on his social media posts. Send him texts about how good he looked leaving for work. Make him feel desired.
Send Flirty Messages
When you’re both out in public, send him messages that make him think about getting home to you.
Build anticipation throughout the day.
Keep it playful and keep it fun. The goal is to maintain that spark even when you’re apart.
Romantic Things To Do For Husband At Home
Home is where some of the best romance happens, because it’s your space, your rules, and your creativity.
Record Videos Together
Make silly videos together. Try TikTok dances (even if you’re terrible at them). Share laughs and create memories.
Use apps like TikTok or Instagram to join trends together. The silliness and fun you have creating content together is pure romantic connection.
Plan A Date At Home
Transform your space. Turn your dining room into a restaurant. Light candles, play music, dress up for each other.
Role-play different scenarios. Pretend you’re on a first date. Use your imagination to create new experiences in familiar spaces.
Play Games Together
Whether it’s video games, board games, or making up your own competitions, playing together builds connection.
If he loves video games, learn to play them with him. If you love board games, introduce him to your favorites. Find games you both enjoy.
Try apps like Words With Friends for ongoing games you can play throughout the day, or Heads Up! for hilarious in-person gaming.
See A Movie Together
Create a home theater experience. Pick movies you both want to watch, make popcorn, get cozy on the couch.
Take turns choosing movies. The shared experience and physical closeness while watching together is naturally romantic.
Use streaming services like Netflix or Hulu to create movie nights that rival any theater experience.
Play Active Games
Remember when being active together was fun? Bring that energy back. Play catch in the backyard. Have a dance-off in your living room. Be silly and active together.
Physical activity releases endorphins, and doing it together creates positive shared experiences. Plus, seeing each other laugh and be playful is incredibly attractive.
Final Take On Ways To Be Romantic With Your Husband
Being romantic with your husband doesn’t require grand gestures it’s the little acts of love that leave the biggest impact. From thoughtful surprises and loving words to spending quality time together, romance keeps the connection strong and fresh.
Every effort you make to show affection reminds him that he is appreciated and desired. Romance is about being intentional, keeping the spark alive, and nurturing the bond you share.
When love is expressed in both simple and creative ways, it deepens intimacy and makes your marriage more fulfilling.
Discover simple, thoughtful ways to be romantic with your husband and strengthen love, intimacy, and connection.
Remember, romance looks different for every couple. Use these ideas as inspiration, but adapt them to fit your unique relationship style and your husband’s preferences. The key is consistent effort and genuine intention to make him feel loved and special.
