Hey there, friend! Let me guess, you’re sitting there wondering when exactly your marriage turned into a well-oiled routine machine, complete with synchronized morning coffee rituals and predictable Netflix binges? Trust me, I’ve been there, and so have thousands of couples I’ve worked with over the years.

As someone who’s spent over a decade helping couples rediscover their spark (yep, that’s my day job, lucky me!), I’m here to tell you something important: that butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling doesn’t have to be a distant memory.

Your marriage can absolutely sizzle again, and no, you don’t need to book an expensive couples retreat in Bali to make it happen.

Ready to turn up the heat? Let’s jump in!

1. Have An Indoor Date That Doesn’t Suck

Okay, let’s start with something that won’t break the bank or require a babysitter. When was the last time you had a proper date at home that didn’t involve folding laundry while watching TV?

I’m talking about intentional connection time, you know, where you actually look at each other instead of your phones.

Here’s what I’ve seen work wonders with my clients: See a movie together.

You could pick an old movie you enjoy watching together. The idea is for you to hug and snuggle together while enjoying the movie.

Play games: Play hide and seek games which will make you run around the house together like kids. You could also play together from board games to cards and even video games.

You can ask questions concerning your intimate life, talk about the activities you miss doing together in your dating days and also drop clues on how to spice up your marriage.

You could have your partner assist in tasting or even preparing ingredients for use. You can also make simple dishes together. From small snacks to great meals.

One couple I worked with, Sarah and Mike, started doing weekly indoor dates after fifteen years of marriage. Sarah told me, “We laughed more in one evening than we had in months. I remembered why I fell for his terrible dad jokes.” 🙂

2. Recall Previous Special Times Together

This one’s pure gold, and it costs absolutely nothing. Remember when you used to spend hours talking about your future together? When every shared glance felt electric?

Here’s how to tap into that magic again:

Dig out those old photo albums (not just the Instagram-worthy ones)
Create a “memory jar” where you write down favorite moments
Revisit places that hold special meaning
Share three things you loved about your partner when you first met

I had one client, Rebecca, who created a “memory timeline” with her husband of 20 years. They spent an entire weekend going through old photos and letters.

She said, “I realized we’d survived so much together, job losses, family drama, three kids, and we’re still standing. That’s pretty badass.”

Don’t just focus on the highlight reel. Talk about the tough times you conquered together too. Nothing bonds couples like remembering how you tackled challenges as a team.

3. Use The Magic Word

I know, I know you’re thinking, “We say ‘I love you’ all the time!” But when was the last time you really meant it? Like, looked into their eyes and felt that warm fuzzy feeling?

Those three words lose their punch when they become as routine as saying “pass the salt.” Let me share some ways to bring back the magic:

Level Up Your “I Love You” Game:

Write it in unexpected places (bathroom mirror, coffee cup) Say it in different languages

Follow it with a specific reason: “I love how you always remember to text me when you’re running late”

Use your bodies, spell it out in sign language, write it on their back

Beyond Words:

Leave voice notes explaining why you love them
Send random texts during the day
Create a playlist of “your” songs
Give surprise gifts that show you pay attention

Remember, actions speak louder than words. Saying “I love you” while simultaneously scrolling through your phone doesn’t exactly scream romance, you know?

4. Create Time For Each Other (No Excuses!)

Alright, time for some tough love. I hear this excuse constantly: “We’re just too busy!” Listen, I get it. Life is crazy, work is demanding, kids are tiny tornadoes of chaos. But here’s what I tell every couple:

You make time for what matters most.

If your marriage isn’t at the top of that list, what are we even doing here? I’ve worked with couples who found time for each other while running multi-million dollar businesses, raising special needs kids, and caring for aging parents. Want to know their secret? They scheduled it.

Yep, just like you’d schedule a doctor’s appointment or important meeting. Here’s how to make it happen:

Daily Connection Rituals:

10-minute morning coffee chat (no phones!)
Bedtime check-ins about your day
Walking meetings instead of sitting on the couch
Car conversations during errands

Weekly Date Commitments:

Block out 2-3 hours every week Alternate who plans the activit
Have backup indoor plans for busy weeks
Protect this time like your life depends on it

The couples who make it work long-term are the ones who prioritize their relationship daily, not just during crisis mode.

5. Engage In Activities That Help You Unwind Together

Let’s talk about slowing down in a world that never stops. When’s the last time you and your partner just… existed together without an agenda?

Take baths together
Give each other massages without it leading anywhere
Meditate or do breathing exercises together
Watch sunrises or sunsets

I’ll never forget what my client David told me after he and his wife started having “unplugged evenings” twice a week: “We actually talked for three hours straight. I hadn’t realized how much we’d been living like roommates instead of lovers.”

You could do things that help you relax together like lying in bed on each other’s arms, offering each other a massage (it doesn’t have to be a full massage, a foot massage could be just fine).

Relaxation Activities That Bond:

Partner yoga (YouTube has tons of free videos)
Cooking elaborate meals together
Gardening or plant care
Reading the same book and discussing it

The key is being fully present. No multitasking, no checking emails, no mental to-do lists running in the background.

6. Be Romantic

Okay, I need to address the elephant in the room. Maybe you’re thinking, “Romance is for young people” or “We’re past that stage.” Bull. Romance isn’t about age, it’s about intentional acts of love.

Simple Romantic Gestures That Pack a Punch:

Dance in your kitchen to your wedding song
Leave love notes in unexpected places
Plan surprise picnics (even in your living room)
Recreate your first date

Physical Romance:

Hold hands while watching TV
Give random kisses throughout the day
Cuddle without it leading to sex
Eye contact during conversations (revolutionary, I know!)

Here’s what I’ve learned after counseling hundreds of couples: Romance is a skill, not a feeling. The more you practice it, the more natural it becomes. And guess what? That warm fuzzy feeling often follows the action, not the other way around.

7. Be Nice to Your Partner

This might sound obvious, but you’d be shocked how many couples forget basic kindness. We’re nicer to strangers than we are to the person we married!

Small Acts of Kindness:

Make their coffee in the morning
Fill up their car with gas
Do a chore they hate without being asked
Bring home their favorite treat

Emotional Kindness:

Say “please” and “thank you” for everyday things
Compliment them in front of others
Support their dreams, even the crazy ones
Give them grace on bad days

I worked with a couple, Tom and Linda, who were on the brink of divorce. We started with basic kindness exercises, just being polite to each other.

Later, Linda said, “I remembered why I liked him in the first place. He’s actually pretty great when we’re not being jerks to each other.”

8. Prioritize Your Partner

Here’s a question that might sting a little: Who gets your best energy? Your boss? Kids? Your friends? Or your spouse?

Making Your Partner a Priority Means:

Calling them back first when you have multiple missed calls
Sharing good news with them before posting on social media
Asking their opinion on important decisions
Defending them when others criticize

This doesn’t mean neglecting other relationships, it means your spouse comes first. When you got married, you chose each other above all others. Act like it.

Practical Priority Actions:

Put your phone away during conversations
Ask about their day and actually listen
Include them in future planning
Make decisions together, not separately

9. Hit The Gym Together

I used to roll my eyes at couples who worked out together. Then I tried it with my own partner, and holy moly, game changer!

Having accomplished that, you can go further by wearing something alluring for your partner. This is one of the tips on how to keep your marriage alive.

Why Exercise Together Works:

Shared goals create teamwork
Endorphins make everything better
You see each other being strong and determined
It’s quality time without distractions

Don’t Overthink It:

Take evening walks around your neighborhood
Do YouTube workout videos in your living room
Try partner stretches
Challenge each other to fitness goals

FYI, this isn’t about having perfect bodies, it’s about supporting each other’s health and spending time together. Plus, working up a sweat together has some pretty nice side effects, if you know what I mean. 😉

10. Turn Up The Heat

Let’s talk about physical attraction, shall we? Just because you’ve been together for years doesn’t mean the effort stops. You should still want to look good for each other.

For Both Partners:

Maintain basic hygiene (yes, this needed to be said)
Wear something that makes you feel attractive
Take care of your health and appearance
Surprise each other with new looks occasionally

Setting the Mood:

Fresh sheets and candles aren’t just for special occasions
Create ambiance in your bedroom
Get rid of clutter and distractions
Make your bedroom a sanctuary, not a storage unit

Remember: attraction isn’t shallow, it’s part of romantic love. You don’t have to look like magazine models, but you should make an effort to be attractive to each other.

11. Communicate

If I had a dollar for every time a couple told me, “We just don’t communicate anymore,” I could retire tomorrow. Here’s the truth: you’re communicating all the time, the question is what you’re saying.

Types of Communication to Master:

Daily check-ins about feelings and needs
Conflict resolution without personal attacks
Sharing dreams and fears
Expressing gratitude and appreciation

Communication Killers to Avoid:

Bringing up past mistakes during current arguments
Using absolute words like “always” and “never”
Shutting down or giving the silent treatment
Assuming you know what they’re thinking

I teach couples the “15-minute rule”, spend 15 minutes every day talking about something other than logistics. Talk about ideas, feelings, dreams, memories, anything that connects you as people, not just roommates managing a household.

12. Just Do It

Your environment affects your mood more than you realize. If your bedroom looks like a storage unit crossed with a teenager’s dorm room, we need to talk.

Keep some subtle sound playing in the background as you invade the air with some really sed#ctive scent coming from your body. This is one of the ways to spice up your marriage.

Create Romance-Friendly Spaces:

Clear clutter from your bedroom
Invest in nice bedding and pillows Add soft lighting options
Keep work materials out of the bedroom

Simple Changes, Big Impact:

Fresh flowers or plants
Scented candles or diffusers
Artwork that makes you both happy
Comfortable seating for conversation

Your home should support intimacy, not work against it. If you’re embarrassed to bring someone into your bedroom, that’s a problem that needs fixing.

13. Have Fun

When did we all become so serious? Marriage should include laughter, adventure, and yes, FUN!

Rediscover Your Playful Side:

Try new activities together
Be tourists in your own city
Take a class you’re both terrible at
Have themed dinner nights at home

Adventure Ideas:

Hiking or nature walks
Concerts or live music
Food festivals or wine tastings
Road trips to nearby towns

Simple Fun at Home:

Dance parties in your kitchen
Game nights with friends Cooking challenges
Building pillow forts

The goal is to create new memories and experiences together. Stop being afraid to look silly, the best relationships include lots of laughter.

14. Look At The Good Side Of Life

Real talk: marriage is hard work. You’re going to have bad days, tough seasons, and moments when you wonder what the hell you were thinking. That’s normal.

Focus on Growth, Not Perfection:

Celebrate small improvements
Acknowledge effort, not just results
Practice gratitude daily
Choose to see your partner’s best intentions

When Things Get Tough:

Remember why you fell in love
Focus on what’s working, not just what’s broken
Get professional help when needed
Don’t compare your marriage to others’ highlight reels

I tell couples this all the time: your marriage is a living thing that needs tending. There will be seasons of growth and seasons of challenge. The couples who make it are the ones who keep choosing each other through both.

15. Make A Commitment

Here’s where the rubber meets the road. All these tips are great, but they mean nothing without genuine commitment to change.

What Real Commitment Looks Like:

Choosing your marriage daily, not just when you feel like it
Working on yourself, not just trying to change your partner
Getting help when you need it
Protecting your marriage from outside threats

Your Marriage Deserves:

Daily attention and care
Regular investment of time and energy
Protection from negative influences
Professional support when needed

I’ve seen marriages transform when both partners commit to showing up differently. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.

Final Thoughts

Whether you’ve been married two years or twenty, there’s always room to deepen your connection, increase intimacy, and fall in love all over again.

This article contains all you need, because something in your heart knows your marriage can be better. That instinct is right. Go through and spice your marital life.

Now go write them together.

What tip are you going to try first? I’d love to hear about your marriage transformation journey!