200 Flirty Questions To Ask Your Lover To Spice up your Relationship

So you’re sitting there with your partner, and suddenly… silence. Not the comfortable kind where you’re both scrolling your phones in perfect harmony, but that awkward “we should probably be talking” silence. Been there? Yeah, me too.

I’ve spent over a decade as a relationship coach, and I can’t tell you how many couples I’ve worked with who think they know everything about each other, only to discover they’re basically strangers living under the same roof. It’s wild, honestly.

Asking the right questions. Not the boring “how was your day” stuff (though that matters too), but the juicy, connection-building, soul-revealing questions that actually matter.

Whether you’re in a brand-new relationship, trying to figure out if this person is worth keeping around, or you’ve been together for years and want to rediscover each other, these questions will change your game. Trust me on this one.

Do you experience breaks in your communication with your lover? Do you sometimes sit together and start racking your brain about what to talk about? Perhaps you even know you should be discussing something, but you don’t have an idea what to focus on and how to approach the conversation.

If any of these describes you, then today is your lucky day. This post will help transform your conversations with your partner and create the deeper connection you’re craving.

Truth be told, most relationships suffer because couples don’t take time to really know each other before making big commitments. Getting into meaningful conversations with your partner should flow naturally.

While there are countless questions to ask your lover, remember that your partner isn’t under interrogation.

You need to make sure you both feel comfortable and stay open-minded during these discussions.

Start with lighter questions before moving into deeper territory and watch their reactions as you chat.

We’ll explore different types of questions: general questions to ask a lover, deeper questions to ask your lover, romantic questions to ask your lover, and fun questions to ask your lover.

Let’s dive in!

Questions To Ask A Lover

1. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?
2. What is the best advice you have ever received?
3. What kind of music do you like?
4. If you had a previous relationship, why did it break up?
5. Are you still friends with your ex?
6. What was the best and the worst moment you had with them?
7. What memories of us do you have?
8. Any souvenirs or gifts from previous relationships?
9. What are the craziest things that you’ve done together?
10. What will you have accomplished 2 years from now?
11. If you could go on a road trip where would you go?
12. What is the best part about family life that you love so much?
13. What is your favorite memory of your family?
14. Tell me 2 things you like about me.
15. What are your expectations of me?
16. Did you ever want to hurt someone?
17. Have you ever wanted something really bad?
18. Is there anything I could do to make you think I am bad?
19. What would you do without electricity for a day?
20. Do you like to go window shopping sometimes?
21. After you asked me out on this date, what response were you expecting?
22. Did anyone help you figure out how to ask me out on a first date?
23. What are your views on open relationships?
24. Would you ever like to adopt children?
25. Is money more important to you or relationships you share with people?
26. What is it that thing you are passionate about?
27. Do you believe in long distance relationships?
28. How would you know if someone is right for you?

The questions to ask a lover above can be used during a first date or when you’re spending quality time together. You could also ask these to someone you’ve been dating for a while to discover new things about them.

The next set of questions will take you deeper into understanding your partner’s mind, plans, dreams, and goals. These questions to ask your lover will reveal who your person really is and give you insight into their likes, dislikes, and worldview. Know early on if they’re someone you’d want to build a future with.

Questions To Ask Your Lover

1. Where do you visualize yourself 5 years from now?
2. Have you had an experience you would say has impacted your life?
3. Have you had to make an important decision that affected your life?
4. Are there people you don’t like?
5. Are there people that don’t like you?
6. Where do you consider good places for romance?
7. What has been your most embarrassing moment?
8. Are you ever bored?
9. How do you spend time with your family?
10. Do you think it’s OK for me to still keep in touch with my ex?
11. What is your definition of intimacy?
12. What do you think of this expression: fire and ice.
13. Do you have any future financial plans?
14. What is your biggest goal in life?
15. What is your favorite book?
16. Describe yourself in a few words.
17. Can you share some of your weaknesses with me?
18. Who is your hero?
19. What is the most important thing in life for you?
20. What would be your questions to ask on a first date?
21. What are your bad habits?
22. What is your point of view of the world?
23. What would you do to leave an impression on a person on your first date?
24. Is there any real idea of the perfect life?
25. Are you a virgin?
26. What has been your most intimate experience?
27. Who has been your most intimate partner?
28. Do you still have feelings for college crush?
29. How long did your most intimate relationship last?
30. Do you regret having intimate experiences with your ex?
31. Have you ever had the feeling you were being watched?
32. What made you go that far?
33. Would you rather follow your heart or your head?
34. What is your take on premarital intimacy?
35. Do you think the past matters in a relationship?
36. Do you approve of same gender relationships?
37. Do you have any political ambition?
38. Do you have any political opinions?
39. What are your hobbies?
40. Have you ever experimented with substances?
41. What do you think is the key to good parenting?
42. Do you like pets in the house?
43. What is the weirdest thing about you?
44. Tell me something about your first kiss.
45. If your parents don’t like me for some reason, would you leave me?
46. Have you ever regretted any of your “romantic experiences”?
47. Do you believe in soul mates?
48. Do you have a criminal record?
49. What is your dream job?
50. Are you willing to stay away from your family if you ever have to for a job?
51. Which living celebrity/author/singer would you like to know?
52. If you could meet a famous dead person, whom would you like to meet?
53. What do you think about infidelity in a relationship?
54. Do you believe in love at first sight?
55. How do you balance personal responsibilities with relationship responsibilities?
56. Who is your favorite fictional character and why?
57. Do you prefer reading books or watching movies?
58. Do you have any regrets in life?
59. What is your ideal vacation?
60. Do you have a favorite movie?
61. If you are allowed to do just one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
62. What is the one thing about you that you take pride in?
63. What is the most courageous thing you have ever done in your life?
64. What is your earliest memory?
65. What do you like most about you?
66. Will you be OK with me hanging out with your friends?
67. What would you if you wanted to live your life differently?
68. Have you ever taken dancing classes?
69. Do you think it is important to learn any form of performing arts?
70. What are you looking for in a relationship? In the long term or short term?
71. If you have three wishes, what would you wish for?
72. Which is the song that makes you happy?
73. If you could be a superpower, what would be your superpower?
74. Who is the most influential person for you so far in life?
75. Is there a movie that makes you cry no matter how many times you watch it?

Now we’re turning up the heat and getting into steamier territory. We’re heading toward deeper questions to ask your lover.

We don’t want to go overboard, but if you’re ready to explore more intimate conversations, then questions to ask your lover should include some spicier options.

Here are some deep questions to ask your lover and intimate questions to ask your lover:

Deep Questions To Ask Your Lover

1. In your wildest fantasy, what am I wearing?
2. What are you wearing underneath?
3. What would you do if I come to you naked?
4. What would you do if I open your door completely undressed?
5. What would you do if I ask you to slip your hands under my shirt?
6. Where on your body would you like me to massage?
7. What is your most favorite part about my body?
8. What is your biggest fantasy when it comes to me?
9. Do you prefer keeping the lights on or off?
10. What do you want me to do right now for you?
11. What would you ask me to do for you if I were naked right now?
12. Do you enjoy the use of enhancement products?
13. Have you ever tried edible lingerie?
14. Can you take my underwear off with just your teeth?
15. What if you come back home and find me lying naked in your bed?
16. Do you want me to talk dirty to you?
17. Do you love the naughty, naughty me?
18. Where do you want to kiss?
19. What was the last steamy dream you had of us?
20. Have you ever dreamed of me naked?
21. Have you ever fantasized about me?
22. What color of underwear am I wearing right now? Take a guess.
23. Have you ever gotten intimate outside?
24. Will you ever do it in a car?
25. What’s your favorite position?
26. Is there any particular position that you’d like us to try?
27. Out of all the things that we’ve done together in the bedroom, what’s your favorite?
28. Do you prefer to take the lead?
29. What do you think I should wear with you when in bed?
30. What is your ideal foreplay?
31. Would you say you are a good kisser?
32. What turns you on?
33. Have you ever bought lingerie for a woman?
34. How do you unhook a woman’s bra?
35. Do you unhook a bra with one hand?
36. Have you ever been caught in the act with any woman?
37. Have you ever experienced a one night stand?
38. What will be your biggest turn on right now?

You might be wondering why we’ve focused mostly on questions for men. Now let’s turn the spotlight on questions to ask female partners.

While thinking of questions to ask your lover, consider romantic questions to ask your lover, intimate questions to ask your lover, and sweet questions to ask your lover. Here are some examples:

Romantic Questions To Ask Your Lover

1. What was the most intimate encounters you’ve had in one day?
2. What is the best thing a man can do for you in bed?
3. How would you start with me if I was in your bed right now?
4. What would you do if we were home alone naked together?
5. Do you like to talk dirty during intimate moments?
6. What would you like to hear from me while we make love?
7. Do you watch adult content to turn yourself on?
8. When was the last time you pleased yourself?
9. Can I watch you touch yourself?
10. What positions have you tried before?
11. What positions would you like to try with me in the bathroom?
12. Do you like me over or under you?
13. Have you ever had steamy phone conversations?
14. Do you prefer to receive or give?
15. What turns you on the most?
16. When do you usually reach climax?
17. How can I tell you have reached your peak?
18. What’s your take on oral pleasure?
19. What do you think is most attractive about me?
20. What would you like to do to me with silk ties?
21. Do you prefer intimacy first thing in the morning or before going to bed?
22. What do you really think about me?
23. What is the hottest outfit that you have imagined on me?
24. How do you like being touched by me?
25. What will be the instant turn on for you?
26. What is your ultimate fantasy?
27. What is the lasting impression that you have of me?
28. Have you ever tried a threesome?
29. Do you think that you have ever been too loud during intimacy?
30. How was your first time?
31. If you are still a virgin, how would you want your first time to be?
32. When compared with other men what do I do the best?
33. Have you ever been seduced by someone?
34. Have you ever done it from behind?
35. Do you love intimate texting?
36. If we both get playful in public, what would you do?
37. Would you love being watched while being intimate?
38. What was your steamiest fantasy when you were in your twenties?
39. Have you ever asked for intimate photos from someone older than you?
40. Have you ever sent your intimate picture to someone?
41. Have you ever experienced a quickie?
42. How many women have you slept with?
43. What fascinates you most about oral pleasure?
44. Which adult film star would you pick?
45. Which celebrity do you choose?
46. Will you ever participate in group intimacy?
47. Have you tried being intimate with more than one woman in one day?
48. How many times do you climax in one session?
49. Have you ever been tied up while being intimate with someone?
50. Would you love to be tied up?
51. Have you ever made love to someone older than you?

Final Thoughts

These are some seriously hot questions, I must say! Please note that you’re not limited in any way by the questions to ask your lover listed here. As long as you feel comfortable, please ask away. You could use some of these as conversation starters, and you can also create your own open ended questions.

Questions to ask your lover are just starting points. You can get creative by asking them whenever you feel it’s appropriate. The key is creating an environment where both of you feel safe to be vulnerable and honest.